"Randoms"

This is kind of a rage-y/ vent-y post. My thoughts are all over the place. Bear with me. I need to get it all off my chest.

-I am PMSing... I haven't actually had a period in 3 years (!) thanks to Mirena [TMI?] so I rarely PMS. Today was the exception; I was at work, talking to a patient and out of NO WHERE I get horrible cramps. I know I made a face b/c my patient asked me if I was okay, embarrassing. I have been snapping at TM for the last 2 days, poor guy. Damn PMS. 

-I just started 2 more classes, No rest for the insane weary. The work load is MASSIVE. I have been have anxiety attacks over how I am going to get it all done, with work and E. I have a GREAT work schedule, M-Th 9-230. I have Friday's off & E is in school from 9-2. So I have all day to myself.

-TM has been a huge help, by doing things around the house (without me asking!), so I have more time to focus on my work, I am so lucky.

-In the past month, E has become clingy, she cries if I won't hold her, if I am not in the same room as her, if my mom picks her up from school, she even gets upset when TM leaves for work or to go to the store, etc... It makes doing anything difficult. I can't even pee or shower alone. It's like she's never see's me, but since I have only been doing ext. day 2 days a MONTH, we have a ton of mommy-daughter time. 

-I love the time I have with her but, I would love some "me time", but you can't exactly tell a toddler to go away.

-E's temper tantrums are terrible. People told me 3 is worse than 2, they were not kidding. She will only nap 3 days a week, if I am lucky; when shes tired they are worse. Most times she passes out in the car after school, on the way to the gym or to run errands Trust you me, you don't want to be the one there when the monster appears waking her up. 

-Sometimes I have to leave her with TM and take a sabbatical walk to the mailbox, to cool off. 

-As the date that my wedding to M approaches, I get pissed, upset, angry, jealous, etc. I wanted to get married more than anything, I loved him and he broke my heart dream. I look on FB, fucking FB at exs, ones that cheated on me, and most of them are married, with 1 or 2 kids. 

-Things have been easier since TM has been around more and I am happy again. He's a good man, my friends and FAMILY like love him. We share the same values & he treats E and I like royalty.

-I hate when people who don't have children (by choice), criticize those who do. If you don't have a child you can not criticize, b/c you have no idea what the hell you are talking about. You sound ignorant. No, babysitting is NOT the same as having your own child. 

-You know what also pisses me off? People who think that as soon as you have unprotected sex (sans bc) that you will immediately get pregnant. News Flash: It takes time to get pregnant. Some people get pregnant quickly, but majority of the time it takes months.

-Since the news of OBL's death a friend, who I had lost contact with, and I are speaking again. We aired our "grievances" if you will and picked-up where we left off. I am so thankful to have him back in my life. I missed him so much, I honestly don't know how I lived w/o him in my life for as long as I did. 

Now its time for a shameless plug: I was nominated for Circle of Moms top 25 blogs on Single Parenting, read about that here. Vote for me, or don't. Just thought I'd throw it out there. 

I know this is all over the map, but I actually feel better.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

 

"What Do You Do...?"

As most of you know I am an extended day teacher (job2). I have had them all (k-5),but deal mostly with 4th graders (9 and 10 y/o).

I love this job. I love the kids. I love the school-  The pay isn't great and there isn't any benefits b/c I am hourly and ext. gets very little respect from the staff/teachers but it's great 'practice' if you will and looks even better on my resume.

I am in a classroom with 16-18 4th graders, 5 days a week. We do homework (I usually have to re-teach it to them), I have a planned activity at least 2 days a week sometimes 3. The other days I let them free play. They need it. Their days are pretty rigid. The 4th grade team of teachers at the school I work at are awesome. They don't "teach to the test" but they are teaching what these kids need to know for FCAT. I am so impressed on a daily basis with them and they respect me and don't just treat me like a "babysitter".

But thats not why I am writing this, to rave about "my" school and job.

I want to talk about one of "my" kids.

He is a great kid. Very smart, but ALL boy. When I first started back in Early Oct. I was told that he was a bit of a problem child, but then again, at that time MY WHOLE CLASS WERE CHILDREN OF THE CORN PROBLEM CHILDREN.

After meeting him, we'll call him J, I had a feeling about him, but I know from working in child care that you never pre-judge children. Because 9/10 you are dead wrong. So I left well enough alone.

We had minor problems here and there but nothing that I couldn't handle. I wrote him up once or twice. Then things started escalating. You know its bad when mom seeing me walking towards her or gives her "the look" when she arrives to pick J up and she turns and walks the other way.

I hated being the bearer of bad news. I hated being THAT teacher, so I had a sit down with J. We talked about things and so did his mom and his behavior improved, almost overnight.

I was skeptical, but didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. It was lovely. I had peace in my classroom, well besides my only kindergartner, but thats for another time.

Christmas break came and he game me and the 5 other ext. day teachers a holiday mug and he was very cordial. He was like a changed boy. I loved it. Before he left on that Friday I said "J I hope this is the young man that returns in 2011" he smiled and assured me it would be.

Here we are 11 days, 2 (school) weeks into 2011 and THIS WEEK ALONE, he has 2 handed, pushed my only kindergartner into a very large, mud puddle, in front of the DEAN (I was so mortified) and kneed another boy in the private parts.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Mom and I had about a 20 minute convo today in the parking lot. I was already pinned out so I felt as if I could talk more freely with her. It was a good talk and I hope I get the sweet boy I know is in there back. If not I am going to have to move him out of my class, per my boss. I would hate to give my coworkers a problem child but it is what it is.

This job wares me out, mentally, emotionally and physically, b/c I love each and every one of, not only "my" kids, but the other kids too. If there is a problem I fret about it at home too. Like one of my girls told me that she hates going home b/c her mom constantly yells and doesn't respect her at all (this was after a talk I had about respect). I felt so bad for her. I hug her every chance I get. Another one was worried that when the new baby came she would not be loved anymore and forgotten, I reassured her that was NOT the case.

I think about these kids 24/7. I love them. This is how I know I chose the correct field to persue.

I just wish I would have realized this 7 years ago, when I first started school. But I am enjoying getting my Masters. I don't think I would have done as well 7 years ago.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Little Minds"

Remember last week, or something, how I was going on and on about my new job? Well, I started said new job yesterday.

Simply put, I love it.

It is only part-time but combined with the dental office I will be getting roughly 40 hours a week. PERFECT.

The getting off "latish" is going to take some getting used to. I get off at 5:30- 4 days a week and 6:00- 1 day a week. E and I usually sit down to eat dinner between 5:30 & 6; so last night was a little out whack, to say the least. This job is a great opportunity for me, not just now, but it will tack 'years' on to my experience when I start to teach in 2012, so instead of starting with zero years, I will start with two because I don't plan on going anywhere.

 Not only did I start my new job, but I shadowed in a Kindergarten class too. I am so excited about the profession I have chosen, I am excited to get more hours in, I am totally in my element in the classroom.

If I seem MIA here the next week or so its because I am getting into the groove of my new schedule... THX for sticking by me!!

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

'Little Geniuses"

As part of my graduate program I need 100 hours of observation done in birth - 3rd grade classroom settings.

100 hours may seem like a lot but in reality it's not. Esp. when I have such a wide variety [8 years] of age groups to observe.

Last week I did 1 hour of pre-K observation. Being a mother of a toddler who will enter pre-k in August 2011 I observed at the 'school' I want E to go to.

Kill two birds with one stone.

It's a Montessori school. Upon arriving on campus I was immediately blown away. I hadn't even stepped foot inside of a classroom. The school was a lot larger than appears from the road and it is beautiful. The staff was so warm and welcoming. The headmistress knew who I was the minute I walked into the office. Talk about a warm welcome!

She [the headmistress] lead me to their Pre-K 3/4... which consisted of ages 3 & 4s (one 2 1/2 year old was in there because of her skill set). This is the youngest class at the academy, the class e would be placed in if she is to attend come August.

Before she handed me off to Mrs. Z, I was given a quick overview of the schools beliefs, I knew of the Montessori theory from the class I am in, but it was nice to hear this schools theories and beliefs.

This class had about 18-20 students and every student was doing their own thing, but everything was under control, including the noise level; according to Mrs. Z it was a little loud, it was quiet to me!

Things I observed blew me away. These 3 & 4 year olds were doing activities that normally are done in a Kindergarten classroom. (ie: taking letter tiles and spelling 3 & 4 letter words on a mat, matching map cuts outs to their spot on the different maps, etc. Matching babyfood jars filled with water, sand/land & air to pictures of the same thing)

There was a reading corner and children would go over there but I figured that they were just looking at the pictures, as most 3/4 year olds do. But no, I was wrong. I heard a 3 1/2 year old girl read an entire book to Mrs. Z, cover-to-cover, making only ONE mistake!! I was shocked beyond belief, Mrs. Z told me that ALL her students go to Kindergarten reading above grade level. WOW.

No child ever had idle hands.

I asked Mrs. Z how she knew every child was being challenged enough... she told me "If they [the child] chooses an activity that doesn't challenge them enough for their age they are re-directed, mostly they pick well enough, they are like us, they don't like being bored"

These children amazed me, and so did Mrs, Z. She spoke to them in spanish and they spoke back but she spoke to them in English as well. Normally I am against pre-schoolers speaking/learning spanish but she did it very tastefully.

I couldn't get enough of the setting, I was just drinking it all in. I was thinking how wonderful this was and what an advantage these kids have on kids who go to a normal pre-school. I know this post doesn't do this school justice, but trust me it was beyond amazing.

These children didn't even speak like they were 3/4 years old. I would love for E to attend this school, but it is VERY VERY pricey. I am working 2 jobs alone to pay my bills so I can't afford it. Maybe with help from my parents I can afford it or a scholarship, which I will be applying for very soon.

All-in-all it was a great experience and the headmistress told me I am welcome back anytime, just to give her a call. I will be taking her up on her offer. I can do up to 10 hrs in one classroom and they go up to 8th grade so I can get some K, 1, 2 & 3 hours done there too! After seeing how their preschoolers are, I would LOVE to see how their elementary aged kids are.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Oh Toddler of Mine"

As many of you are  aware, I did "30 Days of Me". If you are curious just click back a few posts or look for the "30 Days of Me" label (I can't link 30 days, sry!).

During that 30 days a lot happened and I am not one to blog twice a day, I just don't have time for all that.

**Warning LONG POST ahead... Read At Your Own Risk**

I am in school full-time, shadowing, research and writing papers and group work, I feel like I am never done with my school work. I am also working PT 3 days in the mornings/early afternoons, at a local dental office doing scheduling and roaming helping out all over the office and I am in the process of being hired by the one of the counties near me. Soon I will be working in one of the public schools as an extended day teacher, I hope when I graduate with my Masters this PT position as an E.D Teacher leads to a FT teaching position.

I am so busy some days by the time E's bedtime arrives, 8:00/8:15p, I contemplate going to bed too! Although, I never do.

We have gotten settled into our new home & love it. There are TONS of children in the neighborhood. We have met a few of our neighbors & everyone is so nice and welcoming. My mom has been so helpful with decorating. I still have a long way to go but we've only been in the house for 1.5 mons now.

I am not a fan of artificial plants, I would rather spend my money on art work and the like, but "plants" add a lot or warmth to a home and my mom is all about them and she has been bringing stuff over when she babysits E while I'm at work. She can see a color scheme ONE TIME and match stuff to it PERFECTLY & if she is out and about and sees something that matches my house she snatches it up. My mom is just too cute.

Later this week I am totally going to post pictures of the house, empty and now with furniture.

Since moving in the house E has colored on the walls with BLUE crayon & she came to get me to show me her "art work", thanks to the wonderful Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, It came right off. She has CUT HER HAIR (!!!!), now before you go and judge me, I have ALL, or so I thought, scissors put away where she can't reach.

When we moved I put a children's medical kit under the 2nd bath/E's/guest bathroom sink in the back and forgot about it. One saturday while I was cleaning I heard E in the bathroom & asked her to stop playing in there. She left, a few minutes later... back in there door closed. We don't close doors in this house unless we are sleeping, she knows that. I start to walk towards the bathroom and she RUNS out, medical scissors in hand, I FREAK OUT and grab them saying "E let me see your hands, did you cut yourself?" She says "No mama me cut me hair" runs back to the bathroom picks up her HAIR & HANDS IT TO ME! I was a mess crying and immediately called my mom.

She has locked me out of the house, a few times, but she knows how to let me back in, thank goodness. She learned that if she runs really fast on the hardwood in socks she can slide, in doing that she slid right into a wall (she was fine). She will fuss non-stop for 30/45 minutes for no reason at all, have complete meltdowns in the driveway, in front of our NEW neighbors b/c its time to go inside for the evening. While I was in the bathroom one evening she picked up a can of my diet coke and decided she wanted it & chugged it... yah bedtime was NOT fun that night.

She is also a little recorder. She has said her fair share of cuss words but I tell her those are "bad words" in an effort to keep her from saying them again, or heaven forbid in public. Don't judge me, you know your kid has said those words, too.

Having a toddler is an adventure. One I love being on.

Aside from the craziness, she is such a great kid. She has amazing manners. Says "please" "thank you" "yes mam" "no mam". She shares really well, most of the time and loves her friends and family. She is a good listener and helps clean-up around the house, too (mainly her messes). I am so blessed.

I love it when she looks and me, out of no where & tells me she loves me or gives me a hug or a smooch. Esp. when I get home from work and she is running at me screaming "Mama!" and I am tackled with hugs.

Motherhood doesn't come with a manual but I know I am on the right path, when we are out & about random people tell me my child is well behaved. That is such a compliment.  I smile widely and say "Thank You" & so does E.

Our lives are changing so fast & I can't even comprehend it. It feels like just yesterday I was looking at hundreds (literally we looked at over 100 houses in 3.5 months, it was exhausting) of houses & trying to move into the next phase of my life & BAM! Here I am. 


I may not be where I want to be in my personal/love life, but I know I'll get there. That's not a priority in my life, for the FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS, its not a priority. It feels so good to say/ admit that. 


I am looking at pre-schools for E, I can't believe its that time, already. I found one I am in love with, while I was doing shadowing for school, but its SOOOO expensive. I am going to apply for a scholarship for her and see if we get it, if not we will look elsewhere, sadly.  I am LOVING school and wish I would have taking this path 6 years ago when I graduated HS, but either way I am so glad I am doing it now, I am still young and I will have my Masters & that boost over those with only have a bachelors. 
I have tossed around the idea of continuing on after my Masters, while I am teaching. Its just and idea and I will have to see where my life is at that point.

All-in-all life is good. I have great friends who I know are there for me & they know (I hope) I am there for them, and I have newer friendships that are maturing and I know without a doubt they will be life-long.

God has been good to me. I am working on my relationship with him as well & I am slowly but surely working on getting more involved in the church and I feel that is one of the reasons my life is so positive.

I have also stopped focusing on the negatives in my life, they are there, I know this is a "sunny" post but thats how I look at life now. I no longer focus on the bad, I only focus on what I CAN FIX/CHANGE the rest I don't bother with. I am 24 years old, I have a lot of life left to live. Why waste it, stressing over things I can't control or things I just can't change right now.

I am living to set a positive example for my daughter.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"A Few Things"

-GO MAGIC! Lets WIN TONIGHT & SHOW the Celtics who's Boss!! (and Shut Nicole A. UP!!! Muhahaha!!!)

-I love the A/C and until two nights ago, when M put ours in, our room was hotter then the hinges on the gates of hell. Now the rest of the house is HOT! It was in the 90's yesterday... I love hot weather... when I have a cool house to come back into.

-The fridge door is fixed.

-I absolutely love when E sings [and dances] along with me when we sing: The Wheels on the bus, Itsty, Bitsy, Spider & Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star... we sing others but those are the only 3 she actually knows the words too. I've tried to get an audio clip via my iPhone [voice memos] but she knows & stops. What a smartie.

-I move in exactly 3 weeks and have yet to start packing, when should I start panicking?

-I forgot how good frosted animal crackers are.

-I decided I am going to take E to "Storytime LIVE" by NickJR... It has Dora, The Backyardagins, Kai Lan & The Wonder Pets. I think she will have fun. Its in August in Orlando. Tickets go on sale in a month.

-I head, via people who saw it yesterday, that SATC2 sucked... that hurts my heart. I loved the show & the first movie. Sigh.

-I have yet to watch the 1st epi of "The Bachelorette" & for some reason I have no desire, whatsoever. I liked Ali, I picked her in the 2nd epi to win but IDK why I don't want to watch.

-I want my shoes, NOW! I know when M ordered them for me they said 4-6 weeks but GAH I want them NOW! I also know they are my day present and my bday is in 20 days... June 17 incase you want to send me something shiny... haha Im kidding... kinda.

-I can't wait to go to the beach house tomorrow through Monday night. It will be a much needed change of scenery. E will also enjoy the beach, park(s), pool, etc. It will be fun. PLUS M & I will get to go on a DATE, our fist dinner alone since OCT and in Oct E wasn't even in PA with me, she was in FL w.my parents. I am stoked. We NEED this.

-I got straight A's this semester, it was my first semester in GRAD SCHOOL. I was taking a full load, according to my college, which is 2 classes and I got 2 A's. I have never in my life gotten straight A's . THISISABIGDEAL. I hope it makes my transfer easy.

...

I hope everyone has a good & safe Memorial Day weekend. See you back here BRIGHT & EARLY Monday AM... xo love you my gorgeous gum-drops!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Day from Hell"

So everyone has bad days. Well I had the day from HELL yesterday, the LAST day of my first semester of GRAD school, it started it the wee early, still dark, you think its NIGHT time, hours of Wed.. Started TUESDAY. Tuesday never ended. Because I never slept.

First off I was running on a little less then 3hours of sleep, if you can call what occurred, sleep. No it wasn't because I was out parting or up late cramming for a final. It was b/c my baby girl who is usually jubilant was up all night screaming with a fever and throwing up.

Did I mention that TUESDAY we were at the peds office, b/c Monday night we had the same problem, with the screaming and fever. So I called first thing and got her in at 10:15- and she has ANOTHER double ear infection! Shocker.

They gave me a RX for her and I got it filled as soon as I left there, while we were waiting she had a fever so I got some generic Motrin, as instructed b/c the PA, due to the Tylenol & Motrin recall & gave it to her. I had to do lots of bribing, as giving E oral meds, you would think is a form of torture. I even let her pick the flavor. I thought to myself, okay this is going to break her fever and then her antibiotics will help her feel better and then we won't have to do Motrin again b/c she will have the RX in her system. FTW. Got home, more torture gave her her antibiotics, then laid her down for what I was hoping would be at least a 2 hour nap. She lays right down, good start. Ha. I start on the last leg of my final project... not even 45 mins later... screams.

[THIS WAS HOW ALL DAY WENT].

She spiked a 100.2-101 fever every5-6 hrs (when the motrin wore off). Um was her antibiotic not working at all? This is her 4th E.I. in 5 mons (Dec, Jan, Mar/April, NOW-May) and all the other times her antibiotic seemed to work- INSTANTLY.

Like previously mentioned E was up ALL night and when she spiked yet another fever (100.7) she threw-up while I was trying to give her motrin. I wiped her down, changed her jammies, gave her some juice and laid her back down. She was up and down until finally at 3a she went to sleep. She was up at 6a.

Back to WEDS. Its in the 40's and raining out. I am now BEHIND on my final project that is due in a few hours, all semester I hadn't been behind once. Not even when I had family in town and was planning E's 2nd birthday party- ALONE. I had a huge project due then and I was still ahead.

I was on the verge of tears, all day, with a Migraine. I had all of maybe 3 hrs of sleep in 48+hrs and a very sick toddler, that I was doing all I could and its still wasn't good enough. She wouldn't eat, she was barely drinking. All I could think was if she gets dehydrated, shes gunna end up in the hospital with an IV in her little arm. I was begging her to drink. We watched the same Veggie Tales video 3 times in a row, it got her to drink.

I needed a binder for my project, but was not going to take her out, as sick as she was in that weather. I called M and asked him to come home early, like 30 mins. He lectured me! Telling me I should be ahead of the school work, not behind. I lost it & hung up. How dare he. E wouldn't nap, but she would relax in the recliner. So, thank God I got the last bit of my project done while she relaxed.



My poor baby let me check her temp, every couple of hours- she didn't spike any fevers during the day. She seemed to be declining, not improving. She wasn't throwing up but it was coming out in a different form (TMI?). At this point, I started to think it was from the motrin.

Finally around 4:21 she fell asleep in her crib, my FIL got home around 4:45. I left for school to turn in my project, my Prof told me in an e-mail earlier in the day to just give my presentation to her and then I could leave, I didn't need to stay. LOVE HER!

I get home and E is awake. M said she had another 'diaper'- /sigh/. She seemed to have more energy, I was thankful. As the evening wore on, so did E. She ate all of 6 small cantaloupe chunks and a few sips of juice, she was begging for milk, but not with her getting fevers. After dinner E tripped and fell and busted her lip open, around this time I started feeling nauseous, M told me to lay down while he bathed her, she had another 'diaper' at bathtime, after bathtime I see that she has horrible diaper rash and then she wouldn't go to bed- she wanted MILK.

Around 1130 she spiked ANOTHER fever, glad I didn't give her milk. At this point I was convinced that I WAS CALLING THE PEDS OFFICE FIRST THING! We got some motrin in her (we never exceeded the amount recommended in a 24hr period, I know it sounds as if we did but we didn't). Midnight/130ish idk what time it was... I was delirious. She started screaming and kicking her legs. She didn't want to be held or touched. Just wanted to scream. M tried to help but she kept screaming "NO DADA NO! MAMA" I was right in front of her. That lasted for about 20 minutes. Then she passed out & slept.

TODAY... She seems better. No fever. Still won't eat. But she is drinking more. She has more personality and not as sluggish. I just tried to lay her down for a nap (30 mins past her normal 1030 naptime), So we shall see how that pans out. I haven't felt the need to call the peds office, we just had our first 'diaper' though. I think its the motrin. I am hoping we are done with fevers.

**THIS IS WHY SHE ISN'T POTTY TRAINED. Every time we make some leeway on the potty training, she gets sick again. We started in FL right around Thanksgiving and with the Holidays I laid off, I said when we move to PA I will pick it back up. Well since we've moved EVERY OTHER MONTH she's been sick. 2 steps forward 9 steps back.

I start packing tomorrow. That dang potty seat might be one of the 1st things packed.

I had some fun stuff planned this week. But LIFE happens. Like this post? Was supposed to be in bullets... IDK how this finger diarrhea happened. Don't stop reading me, everyone has off days...

Next week I will be doing my FIRST guest post over on Blue Eyed Blonde's blog while she is "On a Boat", Yah I just said typed that /sigh/. Oh God I am going to stop this right now before this gets any worse!

...

I officially withdraw from my college next week. It will be bittersweet; I LOVE LOVE LOVE my college. I will def. miss it & my Profs. But Im happy to be going home. UCF are you ready for me?

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Reading Therapist"

As most of you know I am attending grad school for Early Childhood Development & Special Education. I am currently taking 2 classes, which at my school is full time. When I transfer 4 classes will be full-time, but I digress.

Anyways one of my 2 classes is not typically a class you take in your first semester [Early Lit], but it doesn't come around every semester and it just so happened to come around during my first semester and my graduate advisor told me to take it so I didn't get screwed come time to graduate, and I cant, b/c of this one class. I said okay. She knows best. My first few weeks months in this class I came home and just cried. I was beyond overwhelmed. the work load was huge.

I was not the only one who felt this way. But I was one of the only students in more then 1 class. Me and ONE other student were in 2 classes.

But I sat down one morning with a spiral NB and figured out how I was going to make both my classwork loads work. I knew it wasn't impossible. I mean when I was PREGNANT on BEDREST I took 7 classes [online] to finish my bachelors degree while going through a nasty divorce. I knew I could handle 2 [grad level] classes.

I just needed to write myself a daily schedule. Thats how I operate. So I wrote out everything, down to when E would nap. I changed her nap times, b/c she was getting up earlier, so she was going down for her naps earlier so in turn she was getting up from them earlier. I started showering at night so I didn't have to worry about that while she was napping, more time for school work.

Needless to say, I made it work, and I lowered my stress level, somewhat.

As the semester progress & I stopped dreading that class, b/c I had a handle on it, I began to really enjoy it. I also really liked my professor. I also realized that I am really good when it comes to children and reading. Which is the premiss of EARLY LITERATURE.

I began thinking, I don't want to teach Middle or High School, my heart is with young children but I would like to specialize in reading. So I got talking to my professor last week & I asked her what I can do on the early childhood (pre-k through 3rd grade) front dealing with just reading? and she, one of the biggest reasons I am going to miss my college when I leave, said that I can be a reading therapist.

To do that you have to have a Masters or beyond, so I am on the right path. So when I transfer I will continue to do ECD -or- Ex. Ed. depending on what program I get into (I can't get a dual cert. at the University near my hometown), but I will take my electives in childhood reading and I will get certified after graduation. I will do what I NEED TO DO.

Usually special needs children need the extra help reading & reading therapists step-in and give that extra help. So I will get to fuel both of my loves. There are also centers that help children that are having difficulty reading (ie: Sullivan). Some schools hire RT to come in to co-teach in the classroom or pull-out during the reading block. You help the lower readers and you help propel them; the goal is to get them on grade level.

I can't wait to help!--I am even more excited for the future now.

...

I teach my Pilgrim Lesson tomorrow & I am so excited!!

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"It's No Secret"

It's No Secret... That I NEED my coffee in the AM.

It's No Secret... That every 6weeks w/o fail (before I moved) you could find me at the salon gossiping w.Mandi w.foils in my hair.

It's No Secret... That every 3.5 weeks I have my kindle or most recent book, my favy OPI nail polish & I politely tell the little Korean guy how I would like my nails filled & I go about reading my book . I am a mother of a toddler I get very little quiet time. I don't feel bad that I don't try to talk to him.

It's No Secret... That I have a HUGE sweet tooth.

It's No Secret...That I am addicted to tanning, in a tanning bed . Sad, I know.

It's No Secret...That I should drink more water & less [diet] soda.

It's No Secret...That I should exercise more.

It's No Secret...That I hate being cold, but always am.

It's No Secret...That I procrastinate like nobody's business.

It's No Secret...That I love doing house work, minus laundry. IDK why, I just hate it.

It's No Secret...I never find anything good when I go thrifting, ever. So I rarely go anymore.

It's No Secret...That I trust too easily. Once you loose that trust, you're SOL, I will never trust you again.

It's No Secret...I am [and always will be] a single mom, even after I am married.

It's No Secret...That I want to be a surrogate.

It's No Secret...I have been thinking about egg donation, still unsure.

It's No Secret...That i've made my fair share of mistakes in life but they've made me who I am today.

It's No Secret...That I am pretty much an open book, about most things.

Until recently I didn't feel the need to hide (or keep anything a secret). For the most part I knew who read my blog.

If you know me IRL you know that I don't feel the need to put on a front. So obvi I dont in here in my small, humble corner of the interwebz? I have even talked about how much I hate how ppl try to come off as 'rockstars' .

I put it all out there b/c I have the best gosh darn reader a gal could ask for! Yall are supportive when I need a shoulder to lean on but yall also give me a good smack too, like any good readers friends would.

When I had anom. commenters I put a stop to them but addressing them publicly in a blog . I also had drama on my Formspring ...I addressed them via Twitter & they stopped.

They have started again. I don't want to have to start censoring my writing. Nor do I feel I should have to answer to bullies who are being cowardly by hiding behind anom. comments.

I am who I am. I am open for the world (ek! Thats kind of a scary thought) to see read about. If you feel the need to be mean, rude or nasty, be so with your name and a link to how I can respond to you via E-Mail or Blog or Don't do so at all and LEAVE MY BLOG.

NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ.

I am a 23 yr old single stay-at-home-mom in graduate school full-time. I am about to make my 3rd move since starting this blog. I am also going to start planing a wedding, mine. My life is not all that exciting, I am sure you can live with out my life's happenings and opinions b/c thats ALL this blog is; MY LIFE & OPINIONS.

I LOVE EACH & EVERY PERSON WHO DECIDES TO READ & COMMENT [maturely] DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

...

I have slowly but surely been putting together my lesson for next week, I am so excited about it! Its about pilgrims. I actually can't wait to teach it. I will be using my inlaws tomorrow night as my "testers".

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Random"

-THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE yesterday. I really do have the best readers. I got beautiful comments, IMs & EMails. I love your faces soo much. I wish I could hug every single one of you.

-I hate when someone is presenting to the class and they say "UM" EVERY OTHER WORD... WE ARE IN GRADUATE SCHOOL. Get your shit together sweetie.

-Theres ALOT of new(er) music I want. Anyone want to donate to the "Kelli's iTunes Fund"?-- It started out as SONGS then I go and listen to the artists albums that the respective songs are on & its over... but I need to save my $ for my move (and hopefully the house- more on this next wk. PROMISE).

-My coffee this AM is really strong but in a good way.

-M is driving me nuts. Like in I want to rip is off kind of way.

-I have been adding alot of pictures to my Flickr b/c I am going to be DELETING my MySpace within the next week. I havn't been on in months & when I tried to get on yesterday it took forever. What a pain.

-E has serious listening problems. Im sure that goes along with being 2, but its B.A.D. I think she drives me soo nuts b/c we are so much a like. Shes just a not so muchsmaller [younger] version. I do feel like I am looking at myself a lot of the time. Ah Karma.

-Remember how giving E oral meds was bad? Well she has allergies & needs eye drops... OMG I have to lay her on the floor, then basically lay on top of her to hold her down. I weigh 97lbs more then her this should be easy, right? WRONG! IDK how she got so dang strong. I dread doing it, but I know her eyes feel better when we play outside & SHE GETS A TREAT when we're done b/c bribery is key I feel bad.

-I laugh at inappropriate times. I did it yesterday numerous times, I felt bad, kinda. I think I do it when I am anxious, I should really actually take my xanex (regularly) and talk to my GP about refills.

-When I get back to the SUNSHINE STATE I am going to need a new GP b/c my old GP is only taking medicare patients now. "Its better for his business" Nice. I have been seeing him since I was 20 I do believe. Gah.

-I have decided (with help from GodMommy Hayls & Nana) that E's FIRST movie theater movie will be on June 18th (the day after MY bday) for TS3 -- Pending she still likes the movie. I mean the "Nemo" Phase seemed to last FOREVER but I look back now and it wasn't so long, and was quickly passed up for TS2 (she is not interested in TS1).

-I am making Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner tonight, for the FIRST time. I hope its good. M seems to really like my cooking, which is a plus.

-I need my child to be potty trained. WTH. She was all about the potty. Then she got sick. Now she won't go near the potty. I am not one to force something on my child & I know she is only 24mons old, but when she was using the potty before she was 2. We have digressed! Her ped said "its normal when a child gets sick to digress, she will go back to it in time" Well I want it to "be time" already. I am sick of ordering diapers off Diapers.com or seeing them on my grocery list (when I dont order in time). Just plain sick. I shouldn't complain, I really shouldn't. I just don't know what to do. This is so petty. Im done now. --EDIT: Tonight E told me for the 1st time since she was 19mon that she had to go potty & went on the potty. Thank you for all your prayers/suggestions we MIGHT be back on the potty-training band wagon, I will have to see how the next few days go. I left it alone, like her ped suggested & she came to me all on her own. END EDIT--

-I need to re-evaluate some things in my life, I feel outta sorts & when I am out of sorts so is E.

...

Have a great weekend--Don't forget National Infertility Awareness Week starts tomorrow, April 24 and runs through May 1.

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Groundhog's Day"

"Mama...meme up...Mama... Ma!!!" That is usually what resonates from the monitor anywhere from 630-715, Daily. Without fail. I grumble something to Matt, if he is still in bed, he asks me what I just said. But it doesn't matter, I roll [literally] out of bed and go stumbling, stomping bounding into E's room, with a smile, like ive been waiting awake, for her to wake up.

As soon as I touch the handle on her door I know if I walk in there w.anything BUT a smile we will have a bad day. My attitude, first thing in the AM sets the tone for the whole day. Don't get me wrong, I AM NOT CHIPPER in the morning, nor am I HAPPY to be awake. But I do want to have a positive, happy, fun day. Also E is the happiest she is going to be ALL day first thing in the AM. She has just gotten anywhere from 10.5-12 hrs of sleep! How can I not smile when I see her, full of smiles?!

I change her, we are STILL NOT potty trained. [I hope that when we move back to FL in June, things will be a little easier, as we will be in our own place and not living w/grandparents- yes I am moving back- thats a whole different post] I am also not really in a rush, I have learned that there is no rush to force her to do anything, when she does it on her own, she is far more successful. I digress.

Then we get a cup of milk and go snuggle in my room. We usually watch one of her TV shows on DVD- then when snuggle time is over, she takes her "baba"(pacifier) and squirt (her ratty 2y/o pinkish elephant) back to her room & we venture out to the kitchen for breakfast.

Being the hard headed independent child she is, she insists on deciding on her breakfast and THEN she picks if she wants to sit in "boos chair" (the high chair) or her booster seat. All the while this decision process is occurring, I am prepping the coffee maker to hit the "ON" button. I have it down to a science and can get this done in the time it takes my 2 y/o to make her decisions & still have control over the situation in the kitchen. Groggy or not. I. AM. GOOD.

Once she has made her final decision I sit next to her and I check the interwebz and drink that magical potion I just concocted a few minutes prior...COFFEE. Once my child has eaten picked at her food enough to satisfy me. Off she & her sippy cup go! and Goes and goes until 1030/45 and then thats Nap #1.

During her nap I: try and get as much school work done, laundry (ours and hers... separate loads), Dishes, and misc. straightening up/ things that need to be done. I also get myself dressed and looking presentable (I shower in the PM). I try and clean-up her disasters but the minute she wakes up she is FULL of energy and ready to destroy. She is like a hurricane or Tornado.

Our afternoons are some what of a whirlwind: (The TV or Radio/CDs is ALWAYS on- I need something other then just toddler babble) wake-up from nap, get her dressed, Lunch, play outside for a few (weather permitting), inside to wind down and have a snack & play. [If I have errands that need to be done they are done during this time- thats rare] Then somewhere between 330/4 is NAP#2... YES I have a 2 naps a day type of kid.

Nap#2 I work on more school work but I like to be selfish [if I can] and catch up on my TV show(s).

As of late my FIL has been getting home around 430/5 so I try more for the 330 lay down, so she gets atleast an hr. -- Wakes up, gets changed. Socks, shoes & a pony and out we go for some more out doors time till dinner.

After the most annoying, oscar award worthy performance & tiring hr of my life dinner, is tubbie time. Usually kiddo takes off like a bat out of hell for the tub or begs during dinner for a tubs, but as of late (I LOVE HAVING A 2y/o) she runs and hides. We play with bubbles and toys in the tub- WE SPLASH. We get our jams on play a little more if she is in the mood we read a book. Then like clockwork she asks for a "cup & nap" she goes and gives nightnight kisses. She still gets some milk b/c of her lack of food consumption & is in bed by no later then 8:10.

From there its mommy & daddy time. U.N.T.I.L she wakes up around 11 or so and I have to go in and console her and make her lay back down. Then I have a love affair with my pillow. Before I know it -- "Mama...meme up...Mama... Ma!!!" is that time, AGAIN? Where did my precious sleep time go?

I realized last week, when I told my bestie , that my week/weekend was mundane [again], I feel as if I am living groundhogs day , there isn't even the slightest variation to my days anymore. I love my daughter and I love that we are blessed enough that I can stay home with her while I am in Grad School. I always said I wanted to stay home with my kids till they were in pre-school. I know children are creatures of routine but hers is so rigid lately that I wonder how that happened?

I never expected being a SAHM to be glamorous but i've been doing it for 2 years now, but more so as of late and SOMETHING has to change & it will but slowly b/c poor girl has had soo many changes, her routine might be her security thing.

When she was smaller, I had her on a feeding/sleeping schedule but NOTHING like this one. It is almost suffocating. I feel as if I somehow slipped and hit the repeat button on the CD player and I am living life on repeat- day in, day out.

You may be on the other side of your computer screen scoffing, thinking "she has it SOOO easy" scoff all you want, until you live it. Not only is the redundancy killing me but so is the loneliness. I may have a partner but I still feel like I do a lot of it alone.

...
Ive gotta go learn about some pilgrims... I don't know as much as I thought. If Im going to be teaching it I need to know it.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Not Me Monday"

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. You can also check out Hailey @ Be Serious & see what she has not been up too.

-I did not cry (silently of course- along with my fellow classmates) in my EARLY LIT class WEDS night when my FAVY prof told us that she was NOT pleased with ANY our LIT PORTFOLIO'S & that they needed to be redone. Said LP DID NOT take me TWO FULL wks to complete & I was proud of it and turned it in with pride. Ha.

-I did not stay in sweats ALL day friday & feel like a bum, b/c I was bum-like so was my child who ran around in a sweatshirt and diaper most of the day. Hey I was NOT super-duper PRODUCTIVE though!

- I did not play "rock-concert" [singing, dancing & playing w/E's toy instruments) with E to the Phineas & Ferb CD so loud that we didn't hear M get HM. We were I was caught!

-I did not have [a rare] 1hr & 30 mins to myself while getting my nails done & tanning on Sat afternoon. I secretly did not want to come home b/c the "Me Time" is so rare. I love my babygirl but this was My much needed break.

-I did not walk into mass chaos after my blessed "me time" and want to turn right around and LEAVE AND RUN FOR THE EFFING HILLS. Why can't men control 25lbs? I control it, every. single. day. I can snap my fingers and have it under control or so I like to think. ha.

-I did not have a blizzard for dinner last night while watching Army Wives. I do not still want to loose 3 (maybe4) lbs. I did not do fabulous on WW all week and crash & burn yesterday. SIGH. I. AM. WEAK.

-I did not fall out of bed this AM @ 630 when my ray of sunshine decided this was the PERFECT time to wake up from her slumber. I swore my feet were firm on the ground, I thought wrong. I do not need a bedside coffee delivery service on days like this. [3 sweeteners, a dash of (fatfree) french vanilla coffeemate & stir]

- I did not start my "HW" before my coffee was ready this AM, so while E is napping I can watch last nights Brothers & Sisters- I may or may not be addicted. Its very hard to pick between that & Army Wives. -Rest assured I HAVE coffee now-


...

I do have ALOT of "HW" aka [13] lesson plans, but its not a Unit which is why it sucks... what I will be doing the rest of my life so I shouldn't look at it as HW, but as a way of life. Excuse me while I go gag. But I do have some interesting stuff planned this week.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Cop-Out"

Im usually not into surveys but 3 yes 3 people in my reader did this "3 things" survey--

I want to send some love over to Katie @ FromIFtoWhen GoodLuck today! xoxo.

Three names I go by:
1. Kelli
2. KS/Kelli-Sue
3. Mama/Mommy


Three jobs I have had:
1. Target Cashier
2. Starbucks Barista
3. After-School/ Child Care Teacher


Three Places I have lived:
1. Jacksonville, Fl
2. Winter Park, Florida
3. Temple, PA


Three favorite drinks:
1. Sweet Tea (I haven't found good sweet tea up here)
2. Diet Soda
3. Coffee (iced or hot)


Three TV shows I watch:
1. Brothers & Sisters
2. Army Wives
3. Melrose Place 2009 (this is the actual name of the remake)


Three places I have been:
1. East & West Bahamas
2. Hawaii (MY FAV PLACE EVER)
3. Jamaica


Three places I would like to visit:
1. Bora Bora
2. Seattle
3. Australia


Three people who text me regularly:
1. M
2. Hayls
3. Mom


Three favorite old TV shows:
1. Yes Dear
2. What I like about you
3. Sabrinna the Teenaged Witch


Three favorite dishes:
1. Spicy Chez It Chicken
2. Homemade Pizza
3. M's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich


Three makeup products I cannot live without:
1. Mascara
2. Bronzer
3. Lip Stuff/ chapystick (but not the band)


Three things I'm looking forward to:
1. The end of this semester, I am so beyond stressed
2. This SUMMER (it will be EPIC... right Hayls ?)
3. To start planning my wedding w.my bestie/MOH

...

I have lots of goodies planned for next week. Thank you for understanding this week. School is coming to a close in 26 days and they are slamming us with project after project. Wednesday our Prof handed back a project/Portfolio (mine took me a FULL two weeks) and told us [entire class] to redo them b/c she was not satisfied. She said the grades were not recorded... I had a "B". Normally I would want an "A" but I am so overwhelmed right now I would take it but thats not an option she wants it redone, while we are working on our huge final project... and we have 3 other papers for her too! Plus in two weeks in a diff class I am teaching [FOR THE FIRST TIME] a grade level I don't plan on teaching when I get out of school, ek! --

Have a great weekend yall.


Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Family"

F-A-M-I-L-Y
F-A-M-I-L-Y
F-A-M-I-L-Y
Family!

When you’re in my heart, you’re in my family,
When I’m in your heart, I’m in your family.
When you’re in my heart, you’re in my family,
When I’m in your heart, I’m in your family!
Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers,
Cousins, friends, sons and daughters,
Uncles, aunts, and grandparents
I’m so glad you’re my family!

Oh, I’m so glad you’re my family.
I’m so glad you’re my family
I’m so glad you’re my family
I’m so glad you’re my family.

Even if you’re far away
or if I see your every day
when you’re in my heart to stay
You’re my family!


This song is featured on NickJr (formally known as Noggin), its called- "My Family" -Laurie Berkner Band

I love this song so much, which is good b/c I heard it like 3 times a day thanks to E loving NJ. It says one small but POWERFUL word in there that makes me love the song even more... FRIENDS.

I consider my friends my family, esp as I get older- my girlfriends are "auntie" and my guy friends and "uncles". Hayls is my sister. I have known her longer then all 3 of my sisters... you might be scratching your heads, wondering how that works.

Well I have known her 22yrs. My oldest STEPsister is 26 but I've only known her for 10yrs. My younger stepsister is 21 but I've only known her for 7/8 yrs. My baby half sister is only 10yrs old- I've known her for all 10 of those (lol). So Hayls Pwns everyone, totaling 22 yrs- simple math.

If I call you a friend, consider that an honor [conceded? maybe]. Over the years I have gone through friendships, for various reasons, but it's always the faults of both parties. The ones that have stuck have been totally legit & worth the WORK effort. I don't have the energy (anymore) to chase you, although I shouldn't have to chase you, if you want to be in my life ( and want me in yours it should be easypeasy). If I let it slip its b/c friendship like communication is a TWO-WAY STREET, I am too busy to work it alone.

Communication seems to be a problem with a lot of people, esp females. Guess what, like just mentioned. It works two ways. Males don't play childish games, if they want to talk/chill they contact you. No games. I will make my form of contact then the ball is in your court, thanks to technology there are soo many forms of contact. I am NOT a fan of phone talking. Used to be but as of late, I am not a fan- I live in a foreign (to me) place and I get lost a lot. I am not going to break my back or stress my self out about your contacting me back- If I made the last 'move' then thats all I worry about- sounds bitchy but, I am a mother, a graduate student, and soon I will be planing a wedding. I've got a lot going on. I don't have time to chase you. Family understands that & frankly family shouldn't be chased- they are just there, always.

Family also can pick-up right where they left off. It can be weeks, months since last contact (I love you Danielle) & when you talk again its like NO TIME has passed- ever. This is esp. important to me b/c I have moved so far away and there are going to be times where we don't talk b/c LIFE HAPPENS but you can't let that stand in the way of your relationship.

In the end all you have is family. Like the song says:

When you’re in my heart, you’re in my family,
When I’m in your heart, I’m in your family.

Am I in your heart? B/c if you're reading this there is a good chance you're in mine.

...

Have a fabulous Easter weekend & I will be back Easter Sunday... A.K.A My Daughters 2nd Birthday (Ek!) with a heartfelt letter to her.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Hiatus"

As most of you know I am in graduate school, a perk? Spring Break.

I am going back home to FL (Thank God!), to visit my family (& friends) for 12 days. I miss them so much.

I will be going to TWO birthday parties: Miss Mal is 3 (So excited to see Ash & Mal) & My niece is 5!! Going to eat TONS of JJ w.my girls- Getting my hair & nails done (long overdue)- Going to see my Dr to make sure my cyst isn't back- Spending time w.my family- booking my church for my WEDDING (for June of 2011- I know its advanced but June is the peak of wedding season and venues book fast!!) I am so excited to be going home.

Needless to say I will not be blogging. I have 1-2 scheduled little nothing blogs set.

I have a HUGE paper, also known as "The Monster" if you follow my Tweets you've seen me mention it, due RIGHT AFTER SPRING BREAK! Its one of TWO grades in one of my classes, so I am super stressed. I am almost done w.it but its not done yet.

I will announce the winner of my giveaway during my "Hiatus" -- Normally I am more organized but w/school and my trip I have been frazzled, beyond belief.

I am sorry to those who have entered, I feel like I have failed and let my readers down. :( but, Life happens and I know yall know that. My family & school come before the blog. I love yall so much though.

I should be back in the swing of things the week of March 29th (Maybe sooner depending on how life goes).



...

I will miss you guys.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Baby Fever"

photo courtesy of eunice915 via Flickr

As the mother of a toddler who will be 2 years old in about 3wks, I am asked by many [strangers & family alike] "Do you have the fever yet?"

The fever? What the heck are talking about? Then when I was ogling a little baby at the store and the mother looked at me and said, "My son was about the age of yours [motioning towards E] when it hit me, I got baby fever! I had to have another" "Shes two right?"

Stunned, I noded my head. the difference in a few weeks didn't matter to this stranger. I would never see her again.

"As soon as I had this one I put my son in 1/2 day preschool so this one would get me all to herself for 1/2 day, its only fair b/c my son had me all to his self."

My initial thoughts were "Why in the heck is this woman telling me all of this?" Then I remembered What it was like with a newborn. How lonely it can get. Her cart was empty, she was here just to get out of the house and she jumped at the chance to talk to the first person who 1) ogled her baby too long or 2) looked nice enough to talk to her and she supposed that was me. Passers by probably thought we were old friends catching up.

I do not by any means have baby fever. Sure [in time] I want another child. I want to be more financially stable and OUT OF SCHOOL. I want to have been married for a little while as my marriage will be different then most as I come with a wonderful addition. I want to get into a grove as a family unit before we go & start trying to expand our family.

I had a beautiful pregnancy, with a few hiccups. I was put on 'suggested' bedrest in the middle of my 2nd trimester because my daughter was no growing due to the high level of stress [GD walking out, moving home, divorce] in my life. Followed by not being allowed to drive because I was so as big around as I was tall [5'1] and my belly hit the steering wheel- so unsafe. Then in the last few weeks there was mandated bedrest because the baby girl in my belly was so tiny. I was never sick and I loved sustaining that life within me. I most defiantly want to do it again, I have found my soulmate, just not because my daughter is two.

People say baby fever strikes because when your child reaches two years old "they don't need you anymore"- That is complete bull. My little one needs mama all the time. I am enjoying this stage. The actual conversations, eating of real people food, wanting to be just like mama and most importantly sleeping all night long.

I don't miss getting up every few hours for feedings, taking a humongous diaper bag filled to the brim with the whole house with me for a quick trip to the store, not knowing what s/he needs because s/he can't tell me.

This stage is great, as my daughter needs me in a different way then she did before. She is learning how to do all the things that us adults take for granted everyday. Like go to the potty use a fork and spoon, drink from a big girl cup and not a sippie cup, and dress herself. All these things are taught things. Not things that just happen. We also work on reading and counting and our animal sounds and body parts.

Growing up I always said I wanted my children to be close (2-3 years) in age, but when your 12 years old you don't expect life's curve balls. I will ogle babies in stores. Or even better friends and family's babies. I will look back on my not so little one's first year scrap book and reminisce on those days and then I will go sleep all night.

Being a toddler is hard work, being a toddlers mommy is even harder work.

...


I hope you entered my giveaway to win funsies. Its NOW closed.

I don't think I will do anymore giveaways. I have done a few in the past and the response was much better. Did yall just not like this one? any feed back would be lovely.

I will do the drawing in a few days and announce the winner on the blog- as well as contact them individually. I hope you left an EMAIL ADDRESS like asked. You have 24hrs (if you did not leave one to get in contact with me to claim prize).

Tomorrow is Thursday... Convo w/a Toddler. I just love giving yall a peek into the special little day to day things that we do/say & the awesome connection I have w.E

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Judgments"

Have you ever been guilty of judging someone the minute you looked at them?

I know, as a woman, sadly, I have. Do men scrutinize other men as badly as women do other woman? [My male readers please step-up and let us know!]

I started grad school last month & due to illnesses (of teachers) & my first ever SNOW days we missed 2 consecutive weeks.

Last night when I went to my last class of the week I looked around at all the faces, by at this point in the semester, should be familiar to me aren't.

I remember a month ago, on the first day of class, being the first person I in my class, so I like to be early... But as the other students... females walked into the room I found myself judging them, without even realizing it.

I immediately thought to myself "I don't like her b/c of X, Y & Z" WTF is all that about? I was raised NOT to do that. As a christian you are supposed to love everyone no matter what. I didn't know these women from Eve, yet I already was forming opinions from their "covers".

I am not proud of this. But it happened, I am by no means perfect. I work very hard daily to make myself a better person. I want to be the best person I can be, not only for myself, but I want to be a positive role model for E.

But after we did our introductions, of who we are & where we came from & why we came into this profession; I found that I was very off base on my judging & that I in fact shouldn't have been judging those woman to begin with.

Last night was entirely different, knowing what I know about them, there was no judging, just understanding & curiosity. We got a small peak into their lives a month ago w. the introductions, but as the class unfolds and we go about the semester you learn more and more about your classmates (b/c with only 7 people in my class, it makes it easy to get to know them).

I hope now that I am conscious that I did this I can stop it from happening in the future.

**Can you relate to doing something similar to this too? Or Maybe you were the one being judged? Let me know!**

...

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, I will be starting on a 15pg research paper & some professional journal "responses" THANKS Grad school for all the homework & trying to cram 2 weeks of missed school all in... really thanks, we DON'T have lives outside of school!

Come back on Monday b/c you know that means "Not Me Monday" ...!!!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends, if not we should be

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Letter to Me"

A while ago [probably about a yr] I saw a few people do something similar to this & as I was laying in bed this yesterday AM; I woke up @ 750 - 10 minutes before E & was just thinking when I heard "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley. I then thought how much easier college and the year following would have been if I would have had a letter to myself telling me what to expect. I start grad school in EXACTLY ONE WEEK & I find myself wishing I knew what to expect. Hindsight is 20/20- So here is a letter guiding me through my FIRST 4 years of college and the year leading me to present day & GRADUATE school. I am going to be brutally honest with myself. This is probably one of the most honest posts I will ever write. Bare with me.



...

Dear 18 Year Old KS,

You made the right decision by walking away from him. Keep walking and don't look back. He's not right for you. You think you want to spend forever with him, but you can't even trust him. He will be the reason you and your dad's family won't speak for over 4 months & you won't know about Alicia being pregnant. Focus on your freshman year, make friends. Don't focus on him. Don't come home every chance you get, temping as it may be. It's very self destructive. You will get pregnant, by him & then have a late term miscarriage. Stay up at college, have fun. spare the heartache.

Marines are hawt, YES. Fun to party with, YES. Good friends, yes. Great penpals, def. Good boyfriends- No way. They will break your heart. Each & everyone of them. I know it is going to seem like you're a magnet for them that they are around EVERY corner you turn- but you need to some how break the trend, stop turning the corners & your head. There is one Marine, in particular who is going to shred your heart & the worst part? You left him. Years later you won't even remember why, but you will still think about. It was bad.

The boys won't be your only heartbreaks. The girl(s) you meet will break your heart even worse. They are not solely to blame, you had your hand in the ending of friendship(s) and the mudslinging too, but somethings you couldn't control. Sex is not a game, although she (they) thought it was. You weren't clear on your feelings for him b/c you were scared you hadn't felt that way since J. Don't be scared. Don't let that happen. Be open & honest. Don't let her stand in your way. She will have a way of getting in your way. If you become happy & she isn't she will find a way to make you unhappy. If she doesn't like what guy you're with or she does like him she will do what it takes so you don't have him anymore. Beware. She isn't all bad but she also isn't all that good; For you. You can certainly find a better friend.

Don't fight over petty things with your friend of 18+ yrs. Go make up. Your in a fight right now. Go say your sorry and get ice cream. Have a girls day of shopping. Just make up. She will one day be your daughters GodMother & a damn good one. She is a great friend and you know. You will need her the most when you're in a fight, so don't fight with her. It really is simple. Hug her a lot & tell her she is your BFF. Don't take her for granted, ever. Before you know it you won't be with in driving distance anymore & you will miss her.

Concentrate on your studies. I know that this is cliche, but its is so true. You are smart & know what you are doing PR is right up your ally. You don't NEED to go out if you have a paper or test due or even if you have an early AM class the next day. Your social standing will not be ruined if you say "NO" once or twice. Thats what the weekend is for, Trust me. You will wish one day that your GPA is better & that you read that chapter for the popquiz.

Don't stress out too much pretty girl. You will have some hurdles but you will graduate in 4 years. There will be some [crazy] bumps in the road, don't let that detour you; You just need to look inside and find your determination. You will get there don't worry.

You have always wanted to be a wife and mother. You got the wife part for a very short time. Not even for 6 months & to the very, very wrong man. But b/c of him you got your daughter. She is your life.

After you have been out of college for about a year you will feel lost and unsure about your life & your daughter will help you find yourself. She will help you find your "calling" b/c its not what you get your bachelors in. You will make a huge decision and move, that turns out to be for the best. You decide to go to graduate school in PA. Moving in with your boyfriend and his family [temporarily] Your little family becomes your life.

Your classes will be at night so you can continue to be a SAHM during the day. You will love the sound of your toddler playing and laughing, toddling though the house. Silence will make you wonder what's going on. Wow Wow Wubbzy adding to the noise level as you unload & reload the dishwasher while your toddler eats her breakfast & milk in the AM, while your coffee brews is all but exciting but its the life you love. The life you wouldn't trade for anything

But, you will have days, when your toddler won't listen, you have a lot of HW, the potty training seems to be too much to do on your own, your boyfriend is still just that- your boyfriend, he isn't at home to deal with the mundane crap, like the never ending laundry dishes or toys always EVERYWHERE. You could just use a break, from well LIFE, b/c it just doesn't seem to be enough. You're going to want more, you look around and want more then what you have, but you're going to be living on one income & have student loans to cover your private school education.

There will be days that you're going to cry in the shower, b/c you're going wish that you nvr married "him" b/c you wanted to have the career that came with the degree, the freedom that came with being childless, you see what your friends have. You want the ability to go shopping for that swanky new outfit or those trendy new shoes when you want them instead of saving for diapers or clothes for your daughter b/c your child grows so damn fast it blows your mind. But then, she will say mama and you will snap out of it and realize you got everything you wanted: The boy Man of your dreams that even in a hurry never forgets to give you a kiss before he leaves for work in the AM & calls your everyday during his lunch even if its just for minute. The beautiful child who is perfect in every way. The home. The multiple degrees. You might not have gotten it in the traditional manner but you got it. Just wait & your boyfriend will be ore then just your boyfriend.

...

If I would have had this when I started my undergrad life would have been easier. I don't have a manual or letter for when I start grad school in a week [7days]. I am going in blind. My life is 100% different & my priorities are different. I am hoping that this time around I will have a better experience.

**If you could write a letter to yourself- how old would you be & what would you say?**

...

Only [5days] till the reveal of the new NAME & Design for the blog yall. Erin @ MyWayThisTime has been working really hard, or hardly working? To make this great. Hmm. JK. We shall see come Monday, Jan 25. I can't wait!
...

-Kelli-Sue

Tweet-tweet