"Welcome"

I was recently informed that my blog audience, if you will, is a lot broader that I originally thought. 

I knew I had single dad(s) and a few men (I am so flattered that yall read AND comment, THANKS!). 

I have also mentioned that I knew I had a large number of anonymous readers [lurkers]. Who read in the shadows of their computer screens and then leave. Thinking no one is the wiser.  

Since being 'notified' of said reader(s), a few days ago, I have been mulling over what to do.  A few of my close friends, whom I told about this 'situation', have advised me to make my blog private.

As a student of journalism since I was 14, then Public Relations in college, I am against all kinds of censorship. 

To me, making my blog private is a form of censorship. I know I don't have a huge following, but I do have a decent following. I am proud of my blog. I have been here, at this corner of the interwebz, for over 2yrs. 

I knew this was possible. I mean I post links to recent posts, to my twitter (which is private, as a few mons ago), which is linked to my FB (also private). I also had a link on my MySpace back in the days when MySpace was all the rage.  

I am proud of my blog and I have nothing to hide. In the 2+yrs I have been blogging I have changed and this blog has molded and changed with me, it has helped me get through some rough patches, like my divorce & PPD. I know I can always come to my blog, good day, bad day and for the most part not be judged for what I post. I have great readers, the ones that are open & let me know they are there, theres no question about that one. I have made some great efriends & some actual friends who I miss (Rachael- come see me). 

I am pleased with what my blog has become over the years. It reminds me of where I "came from" & hints @ where I am going. 

I don't know how long I will [continue to] blog. I do know I will do so until I feel it no longer is serving its purpose in MY life. I do it for ME. Until that time comes I hope I will sustain readership. Yall make coming to my humble corner so enjoyable.

So all-in-all I hope that YOU enjoy my blog & staying caught up w.the happenings in my life. I also want to take this time to say WELCOME, since I haven't been able to do so yet. 

**I have disabled comments for this post, I hope you understand. They will be enabled for tomorrows post.**

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Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Long Days"

I may not work a 9-5 type of job. But let me assure you that raising a child TODDLER, mostly on my own, IS A FULL TIME JOB.

I don't get off @ 5... or even 8 when she goes to bed, there is no 'quitting time' when you're a parent.  If E wakes up @ 230am, I can't tell her "Mommy's "off" right now I'll get back to you at 9". Being a parent doesn't work that way.

Normally I would be in school working towards my masters, but b/c I made the decision to move back home, I had to take the summer off to get things with UCF sorted out. This is the first summer I have had off in, a very long time & I am enjoying every second I can with my babygirl. I also know this is my last free summer, until I am teaching, but even then I have considered being a summer camp counselor to help augment my teacher's salary. 

I have been working PT for my step-dad- I am trying to get the hang of the job right now. 

I love my job. I love being a mother, but I don't like that people think that since I stay-at-home that either A) It's easy or B) I don't do squat all day.  To that I say it's not easy, maybe it was when she was like 0-3mon, but by 4 she was crawling scooting, and rolling everywhere & trying to sit up on her own, she was early on everything & still continues to blow through things, she keeps me on my toes. To those who agree with the latter, that I don't do squat all day I say "HA!" you try that and see how far it gets you. 

I may not have my own home [yet]... it's in the works. I help out in my mothers home. I have to keep E's playarea(s) clean, I do the dishes when they need to be done. I have clothes that I wash as well as E's. I grocery shop, etc. The only thing I don't have is my own place, which really doesnt make a difference. 

TAKING CARE OF A CHILD(REN) IS A FULL-TIME JOB. It aggravates me when people (esp non-mothers) think I sit on my ass all day doing nothing all-day, mainly b.c I don't have my own home. I have a 2y.o to take care of. This isn't the life I had planned but things seem to be panning out [nicely]. 

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Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Not Me Monday"

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog for more Monday fun. 

-While visiting family at the beach Sat. I did not get completely fried! I also do not win mother of the year for letting my toddler get sunburned too, despite the fact that that every hour I was applying waterbabies.

-I most certainly did not forget to have my stepmom trim E's bangs whilst at the beach, E does NOT resemble a shaggy dog now. 

-It was NOT my sole purpose this weekend to exchange my size 6 crocs for size 5. In the process I did not got to 2 Macy's, 2 journeys and 1 crocs stand, 2 malls- I was defeated when they didn't have purple. I was successful in getting my size 5 (at the crocs stand).    

-I realized this weekend that for some reason unknown to me the I have not been dreading uploading the almost 200 pics on my camera, that are all certainly NOT of E- just from JUNE. Today I will not make myself do it, during afternoon nap quiet- haha!! put E in her bed and listen to her talk to her 'babies' on the monitor for 45-60mins time.

-I have not been putting off doing laundry b/c I am lazy and hate the 500+ 23 stairs in my parents house. I am not hoping that I will find a place to live before I run out of clean clothes. I would never be so lazy. (sn: I have done E's laundry!! MOTHER OF THE YR, I tell ya!)

-I did not try to BRIBE the best w.baked goods to come hangout and watch SundayNight Lifetime with me... Only the best two shows evverrr... DDD&ARMYWIVES- To be DENIED! 

-and I most definitely did not let my sun"kissed" toddler sleep with me last night. She did not wake up right as AW was starting screaming... I did not do everything in my power to calm her to no avail. Then I did not promise cartoons of she took some kids ibuprofen, then when she was not ready to turn the TV off I did not bribe her again talk to her calmly with the end result being her not being asleep in MY bed. I AM not TIRED TODAY. 

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After a whirlwind week last week, I think I can safely say... I am back! This is our last week in the pool for swim lessons, they are paying off... this weekend E jumped in the pool and SWAM LIKE A PRO! (no help from waterwings or mommy!) I was freaked out at first but then overjoyed! This week I also start to learn my "new job" I will post about this a little later when I know more about it but It promises to be exciting (i hope!). All-in-all... I am glad to be back (minus this horrid sunburn). I am currently looking for a place to call home... I love my parents but I CAN'T LIVE HERE MUCH LONGER. Keep an eye on the blog there's going to be some (design/ content) changes really soon!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Day from Hell"

So everyone has bad days. Well I had the day from HELL yesterday, the LAST day of my first semester of GRAD school, it started it the wee early, still dark, you think its NIGHT time, hours of Wed.. Started TUESDAY. Tuesday never ended. Because I never slept.

First off I was running on a little less then 3hours of sleep, if you can call what occurred, sleep. No it wasn't because I was out parting or up late cramming for a final. It was b/c my baby girl who is usually jubilant was up all night screaming with a fever and throwing up.

Did I mention that TUESDAY we were at the peds office, b/c Monday night we had the same problem, with the screaming and fever. So I called first thing and got her in at 10:15- and she has ANOTHER double ear infection! Shocker.

They gave me a RX for her and I got it filled as soon as I left there, while we were waiting she had a fever so I got some generic Motrin, as instructed b/c the PA, due to the Tylenol & Motrin recall & gave it to her. I had to do lots of bribing, as giving E oral meds, you would think is a form of torture. I even let her pick the flavor. I thought to myself, okay this is going to break her fever and then her antibiotics will help her feel better and then we won't have to do Motrin again b/c she will have the RX in her system. FTW. Got home, more torture gave her her antibiotics, then laid her down for what I was hoping would be at least a 2 hour nap. She lays right down, good start. Ha. I start on the last leg of my final project... not even 45 mins later... screams.

[THIS WAS HOW ALL DAY WENT].

She spiked a 100.2-101 fever every5-6 hrs (when the motrin wore off). Um was her antibiotic not working at all? This is her 4th E.I. in 5 mons (Dec, Jan, Mar/April, NOW-May) and all the other times her antibiotic seemed to work- INSTANTLY.

Like previously mentioned E was up ALL night and when she spiked yet another fever (100.7) she threw-up while I was trying to give her motrin. I wiped her down, changed her jammies, gave her some juice and laid her back down. She was up and down until finally at 3a she went to sleep. She was up at 6a.

Back to WEDS. Its in the 40's and raining out. I am now BEHIND on my final project that is due in a few hours, all semester I hadn't been behind once. Not even when I had family in town and was planning E's 2nd birthday party- ALONE. I had a huge project due then and I was still ahead.

I was on the verge of tears, all day, with a Migraine. I had all of maybe 3 hrs of sleep in 48+hrs and a very sick toddler, that I was doing all I could and its still wasn't good enough. She wouldn't eat, she was barely drinking. All I could think was if she gets dehydrated, shes gunna end up in the hospital with an IV in her little arm. I was begging her to drink. We watched the same Veggie Tales video 3 times in a row, it got her to drink.

I needed a binder for my project, but was not going to take her out, as sick as she was in that weather. I called M and asked him to come home early, like 30 mins. He lectured me! Telling me I should be ahead of the school work, not behind. I lost it & hung up. How dare he. E wouldn't nap, but she would relax in the recliner. So, thank God I got the last bit of my project done while she relaxed.



My poor baby let me check her temp, every couple of hours- she didn't spike any fevers during the day. She seemed to be declining, not improving. She wasn't throwing up but it was coming out in a different form (TMI?). At this point, I started to think it was from the motrin.

Finally around 4:21 she fell asleep in her crib, my FIL got home around 4:45. I left for school to turn in my project, my Prof told me in an e-mail earlier in the day to just give my presentation to her and then I could leave, I didn't need to stay. LOVE HER!

I get home and E is awake. M said she had another 'diaper'- /sigh/. She seemed to have more energy, I was thankful. As the evening wore on, so did E. She ate all of 6 small cantaloupe chunks and a few sips of juice, she was begging for milk, but not with her getting fevers. After dinner E tripped and fell and busted her lip open, around this time I started feeling nauseous, M told me to lay down while he bathed her, she had another 'diaper' at bathtime, after bathtime I see that she has horrible diaper rash and then she wouldn't go to bed- she wanted MILK.

Around 1130 she spiked ANOTHER fever, glad I didn't give her milk. At this point I was convinced that I WAS CALLING THE PEDS OFFICE FIRST THING! We got some motrin in her (we never exceeded the amount recommended in a 24hr period, I know it sounds as if we did but we didn't). Midnight/130ish idk what time it was... I was delirious. She started screaming and kicking her legs. She didn't want to be held or touched. Just wanted to scream. M tried to help but she kept screaming "NO DADA NO! MAMA" I was right in front of her. That lasted for about 20 minutes. Then she passed out & slept.

TODAY... She seems better. No fever. Still won't eat. But she is drinking more. She has more personality and not as sluggish. I just tried to lay her down for a nap (30 mins past her normal 1030 naptime), So we shall see how that pans out. I haven't felt the need to call the peds office, we just had our first 'diaper' though. I think its the motrin. I am hoping we are done with fevers.

**THIS IS WHY SHE ISN'T POTTY TRAINED. Every time we make some leeway on the potty training, she gets sick again. We started in FL right around Thanksgiving and with the Holidays I laid off, I said when we move to PA I will pick it back up. Well since we've moved EVERY OTHER MONTH she's been sick. 2 steps forward 9 steps back.

I start packing tomorrow. That dang potty seat might be one of the 1st things packed.

I had some fun stuff planned this week. But LIFE happens. Like this post? Was supposed to be in bullets... IDK how this finger diarrhea happened. Don't stop reading me, everyone has off days...

Next week I will be doing my FIRST guest post over on Blue Eyed Blonde's blog while she is "On a Boat", Yah I just said typed that /sigh/. Oh God I am going to stop this right now before this gets any worse!

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I officially withdraw from my college next week. It will be bittersweet; I LOVE LOVE LOVE my college. I will def. miss it & my Profs. But Im happy to be going home. UCF are you ready for me?

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Dear..."

Dear Millstone Coffee ,

You are my favorite [home] brand of coffee, you're delish, hot or cold. When I first moved to PA you were not avaliable up here, so I forced down drank another brand until my wonderful mom mailed me some from home. Then to my SURPRISE I found you at my local market. I hoarded bought 3 bags. As of Sunday it was all gone & I am again not able to find you anywhere. I have made pleas to have some sent to me. PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS SO HARD ON ME.

In Need of an intervention-
Coffee Addict

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Dear Mother Nature,

Please decide- HOT or COLD. Wet or Dry. Srsly. My aching body can't handle the constant changes. One day its in the 40's and rainy and then it's 80 and sunny? WTH. I prefer the latter, if you care. Also when it's all rainy and gross the satellite gets all screwy and I miss my shows! PRIORITIES. duh.

Annoyed-
Southerner who mistakenly Flew North

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Dear Hoity-Toity Woman who eavesdropped,

You now think I am a less mother b/c I didn't breastfeed. You also thought it okay to tell me that. SHAME on you. You didn't bother to ask me why I was unable to. The fact that I couldn't made my PPD even worse because I beat myself up about it. You must be think you're one hell of a mother, to be able to talk down to a complete stranger the way you did. I hope one day I can be as perfect as you someone puts you in your place.

Embarrassed for you-
Mother of a PERFECT, HAPPY & HEALTHY 2 y/o

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Dear iPod,

Hey there old guy. And by OLD, I mean 4th gen. old. Please don't die on me, anytime soon. I don't need a fancy iPod, I have iPhone that does the fancy work. I just need you to play music in my car (and be my contacts back-up for iPhone & Mac), I don't ask much of you. My OLD shuffle plays music for me when I am on the run & don't want to drain iPhone's battery. The only time you leave my car is for a quick update. I would be lost w/out you but I don't & won't have the funds to replace you anytime soon, so please stop scaring me like you have been lately.

Thanks-
Your loving owner


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Dear Skin,

I have been tanning you for 2 mons now & you look fab. I love the color you have acquired, we're almost to where we were back in '06 when we were tanning 6 days a week and out in the sun 7. I have just canceled my 'membership' as we are moving back to FL (squee!). Please in the 1ish month that we're not tanning [in a bed] please dont loose this beautiful color we've acquired. I don't want to start from scratch when we arrive in FL, okay? If you're good to me I'll be good to you. Its a give & take here.

Surprisingly [& lovingly],
A Tan IRISH girl

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Dear True Religion Outlet,

I am coming for you this weekend. Have good deals or else. I've been waiting for a long time to make it out to you.

LOTS of LOVE,
A BIG fan of a Girl who REALLY wants a pair of TR jeans!!!

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I have ALOT of lesson plans to wrap-up this weekend. I say that every week it seems. Ah the joys of getting my Masters in Early Childhood Development & Special Education. Although I had an epiphany last night-- More on this Monday!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Random"

-THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE yesterday. I really do have the best readers. I got beautiful comments, IMs & EMails. I love your faces soo much. I wish I could hug every single one of you.

-I hate when someone is presenting to the class and they say "UM" EVERY OTHER WORD... WE ARE IN GRADUATE SCHOOL. Get your shit together sweetie.

-Theres ALOT of new(er) music I want. Anyone want to donate to the "Kelli's iTunes Fund"?-- It started out as SONGS then I go and listen to the artists albums that the respective songs are on & its over... but I need to save my $ for my move (and hopefully the house- more on this next wk. PROMISE).

-My coffee this AM is really strong but in a good way.

-M is driving me nuts. Like in I want to rip is off kind of way.

-I have been adding alot of pictures to my Flickr b/c I am going to be DELETING my MySpace within the next week. I havn't been on in months & when I tried to get on yesterday it took forever. What a pain.

-E has serious listening problems. Im sure that goes along with being 2, but its B.A.D. I think she drives me soo nuts b/c we are so much a like. Shes just a not so muchsmaller [younger] version. I do feel like I am looking at myself a lot of the time. Ah Karma.

-Remember how giving E oral meds was bad? Well she has allergies & needs eye drops... OMG I have to lay her on the floor, then basically lay on top of her to hold her down. I weigh 97lbs more then her this should be easy, right? WRONG! IDK how she got so dang strong. I dread doing it, but I know her eyes feel better when we play outside & SHE GETS A TREAT when we're done b/c bribery is key I feel bad.

-I laugh at inappropriate times. I did it yesterday numerous times, I felt bad, kinda. I think I do it when I am anxious, I should really actually take my xanex (regularly) and talk to my GP about refills.

-When I get back to the SUNSHINE STATE I am going to need a new GP b/c my old GP is only taking medicare patients now. "Its better for his business" Nice. I have been seeing him since I was 20 I do believe. Gah.

-I have decided (with help from GodMommy Hayls & Nana) that E's FIRST movie theater movie will be on June 18th (the day after MY bday) for TS3 -- Pending she still likes the movie. I mean the "Nemo" Phase seemed to last FOREVER but I look back now and it wasn't so long, and was quickly passed up for TS2 (she is not interested in TS1).

-I am making Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner tonight, for the FIRST time. I hope its good. M seems to really like my cooking, which is a plus.

-I need my child to be potty trained. WTH. She was all about the potty. Then she got sick. Now she won't go near the potty. I am not one to force something on my child & I know she is only 24mons old, but when she was using the potty before she was 2. We have digressed! Her ped said "its normal when a child gets sick to digress, she will go back to it in time" Well I want it to "be time" already. I am sick of ordering diapers off Diapers.com or seeing them on my grocery list (when I dont order in time). Just plain sick. I shouldn't complain, I really shouldn't. I just don't know what to do. This is so petty. Im done now. --EDIT: Tonight E told me for the 1st time since she was 19mon that she had to go potty & went on the potty. Thank you for all your prayers/suggestions we MIGHT be back on the potty-training band wagon, I will have to see how the next few days go. I left it alone, like her ped suggested & she came to me all on her own. END EDIT--

-I need to re-evaluate some things in my life, I feel outta sorts & when I am out of sorts so is E.

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Have a great weekend--Don't forget National Infertility Awareness Week starts tomorrow, April 24 and runs through May 1.

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Groundhog's Day"

"Mama...meme up...Mama... Ma!!!" That is usually what resonates from the monitor anywhere from 630-715, Daily. Without fail. I grumble something to Matt, if he is still in bed, he asks me what I just said. But it doesn't matter, I roll [literally] out of bed and go stumbling, stomping bounding into E's room, with a smile, like ive been waiting awake, for her to wake up.

As soon as I touch the handle on her door I know if I walk in there w.anything BUT a smile we will have a bad day. My attitude, first thing in the AM sets the tone for the whole day. Don't get me wrong, I AM NOT CHIPPER in the morning, nor am I HAPPY to be awake. But I do want to have a positive, happy, fun day. Also E is the happiest she is going to be ALL day first thing in the AM. She has just gotten anywhere from 10.5-12 hrs of sleep! How can I not smile when I see her, full of smiles?!

I change her, we are STILL NOT potty trained. [I hope that when we move back to FL in June, things will be a little easier, as we will be in our own place and not living w/grandparents- yes I am moving back- thats a whole different post] I am also not really in a rush, I have learned that there is no rush to force her to do anything, when she does it on her own, she is far more successful. I digress.

Then we get a cup of milk and go snuggle in my room. We usually watch one of her TV shows on DVD- then when snuggle time is over, she takes her "baba"(pacifier) and squirt (her ratty 2y/o pinkish elephant) back to her room & we venture out to the kitchen for breakfast.

Being the hard headed independent child she is, she insists on deciding on her breakfast and THEN she picks if she wants to sit in "boos chair" (the high chair) or her booster seat. All the while this decision process is occurring, I am prepping the coffee maker to hit the "ON" button. I have it down to a science and can get this done in the time it takes my 2 y/o to make her decisions & still have control over the situation in the kitchen. Groggy or not. I. AM. GOOD.

Once she has made her final decision I sit next to her and I check the interwebz and drink that magical potion I just concocted a few minutes prior...COFFEE. Once my child has eaten picked at her food enough to satisfy me. Off she & her sippy cup go! and Goes and goes until 1030/45 and then thats Nap #1.

During her nap I: try and get as much school work done, laundry (ours and hers... separate loads), Dishes, and misc. straightening up/ things that need to be done. I also get myself dressed and looking presentable (I shower in the PM). I try and clean-up her disasters but the minute she wakes up she is FULL of energy and ready to destroy. She is like a hurricane or Tornado.

Our afternoons are some what of a whirlwind: (The TV or Radio/CDs is ALWAYS on- I need something other then just toddler babble) wake-up from nap, get her dressed, Lunch, play outside for a few (weather permitting), inside to wind down and have a snack & play. [If I have errands that need to be done they are done during this time- thats rare] Then somewhere between 330/4 is NAP#2... YES I have a 2 naps a day type of kid.

Nap#2 I work on more school work but I like to be selfish [if I can] and catch up on my TV show(s).

As of late my FIL has been getting home around 430/5 so I try more for the 330 lay down, so she gets atleast an hr. -- Wakes up, gets changed. Socks, shoes & a pony and out we go for some more out doors time till dinner.

After the most annoying, oscar award worthy performance & tiring hr of my life dinner, is tubbie time. Usually kiddo takes off like a bat out of hell for the tub or begs during dinner for a tubs, but as of late (I LOVE HAVING A 2y/o) she runs and hides. We play with bubbles and toys in the tub- WE SPLASH. We get our jams on play a little more if she is in the mood we read a book. Then like clockwork she asks for a "cup & nap" she goes and gives nightnight kisses. She still gets some milk b/c of her lack of food consumption & is in bed by no later then 8:10.

From there its mommy & daddy time. U.N.T.I.L she wakes up around 11 or so and I have to go in and console her and make her lay back down. Then I have a love affair with my pillow. Before I know it -- "Mama...meme up...Mama... Ma!!!" is that time, AGAIN? Where did my precious sleep time go?

I realized last week, when I told my bestie , that my week/weekend was mundane [again], I feel as if I am living groundhogs day , there isn't even the slightest variation to my days anymore. I love my daughter and I love that we are blessed enough that I can stay home with her while I am in Grad School. I always said I wanted to stay home with my kids till they were in pre-school. I know children are creatures of routine but hers is so rigid lately that I wonder how that happened?

I never expected being a SAHM to be glamorous but i've been doing it for 2 years now, but more so as of late and SOMETHING has to change & it will but slowly b/c poor girl has had soo many changes, her routine might be her security thing.

When she was smaller, I had her on a feeding/sleeping schedule but NOTHING like this one. It is almost suffocating. I feel as if I somehow slipped and hit the repeat button on the CD player and I am living life on repeat- day in, day out.

You may be on the other side of your computer screen scoffing, thinking "she has it SOOO easy" scoff all you want, until you live it. Not only is the redundancy killing me but so is the loneliness. I may have a partner but I still feel like I do a lot of it alone.

...
Ive gotta go learn about some pilgrims... I don't know as much as I thought. If Im going to be teaching it I need to know it.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Convo w/a Toddler"

Like EVERY parent under the sun I think MINE is gifted in EVERY way possible. She got a 5-in-1 musical set (drums, tambourine, recorder, maracas, etc...) from my dad & step mom Jane for Christmas & since she loves to play with it & is isn't bad either so I don't mind it; Like originally thought when the gift was opened. So yesterday, while she was supposed to be NAPPING this occured:


Photo courtesy of google

[through the monitor I hear a slight flute sound but give it a minute before I go in to find out whats up)
Me: [I open the door & She quickly lays down and hides her recorder] Whatcha doing sweetpea?
E: Hi mama [waves & smiles]
Me: Where did you get this? [I hold up her recorder]
E: Mine. [Tries to grab it from me]
Me: Lets use our manners. We don't grab things, we ask nicely.
E: Peeese mama.
Me: No hon, its sleepy time. How did you get this?
[She pointed to her baby's playpin- it's right next to her crib, if she stretches far enough she can reach it, I guess she stashed it in there]
E: My babys
Me: Okay well mama wants to play with it now, so can you take a nappy and then when you get up you can have it?
E: K mama.
Me: Yes mam?
E: Yea mam

...


Photo courtesy of piratefan308 via Flickr.

E & I love to color together. Its something we usually do after her second nap of the day before dinner. It keeps her occupied for a long time too. (Another reason I like for her to color) The other day NOTHING was making her happy, she was just all around grouchy:

E: Mama lookkkkk!!! [holds up her coloring book]
Me: Thats your Handy Manny coloring book. How did you get the craft drawer open?
E: Meme!! [points to the book] Meme!! uhuh!! Sit. [goes to her booter seat]
Me: Would you like to color?
E: Peeese.
Me: Okay. Lets put your book up there. Go ahead & climb up there while I get your crayons.
E: Ok mama.
-I hear her struggling but she successfully is in her seat-
Me: Here ya go [I pour out her crayons in front of her & she picks her picture to color, I walked away to do laundry]

-The next thing I know/hear is little footsteps running towards the laundry room. I immediately think to myself "did i strap her into her booster seat?" apparently not:

E: MAMA Lookkkkk peeeeettttyyyy... [she holds up her picture and a black INK PEN!!!]
Me: [thinking SHIT... where did she get a PEN] that is beautiful honey. Can I have your pen?
E: No mine. Peeeetttyyyyy!!!!!! [pulls up her shirt & points to her tummy- she had colored her tummy with the pen]
Me: Aw E honey, We don't color ourselves. We only color on our paper.
E: Mama. [a very confused look on her face, grabs my hand- where I have some stuff scribbled]


photo courtesy google

-She wins.


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DON'T FORGET the BLOG got a FACELIFT && a NEW NAME Monday and If youre reading this in reader or the likes make sure you check out the new look & tell me what you think... Here.


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Thanks for stopping by Kandid Kelli, There's NEVER a dull moment!

See ya tomorrow!

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"Its a Mom Thing..."

"...Real World Insights for Profoundly Imperfect Mothers"

(shotty iPhone pic)


I got that book from someone at one of my babyshowers. Im sorry to say I can not remember who got it for me, seeing as E is almost 2 (WOW how time flies).

Anyhoodle- I totally forgot about this FANTASTIC book until a few days ago when I found it while I was doing some slight cleaning, in preparation for all the packing I will be doing for my impending move.

When I got it I remember flipping through it, but I was still in school and E was born very soon after my shower so with the hustle and bustle I got busy and the book got pushed aside.

If you have a babyshower for anyone coming up I recommend this as a gift for mom, its a cute lil something. I got this book for a friend of mine b/c I remembered thinking it was funny. I know she enjoyed it.

Well a few days ago when I found it I decided to re-flip through it & I couldn't stop laughing. Even if you're not a mother, you will find some of these "insights" funny. Over they next couple of weeks I will be posting more from the book so keep checking back.

Enjoy: (you dont get the full effect w/o the cute pics)

-I still buy cute underwear, but not too cute because what do you think got me into this mess?

-There's no place like home, unless you can get a baby-sitter. Then, Go! Get out! Hurry!

-The longest distance between two points is a 2-year-old who wants to walk all by herself. (my fav)

-Moms need friends, because you gotta have someone you can cuss in front of. DAMMIT!!!

-Those last 5 post-baby pounds are IMPOSSIBLE to Lose! Especially when you haven't lost the first 20.

-Weird how having a baby makes you remember to take that birth control pill. And sometimes TWO, just in case.

-Yeah, I'd say being a mom has changed my style. Obliterated is a change, right?

-So, if I become a stay-at-home mom, does that mean the kids have to stay home, too? -Just checking.

and lastly (for this week)...

-Wow... I must've kidproofed the cleaning supply cabinet a little too well. Apparently my husband can't get into it.

Hope everyone is having a great (cyber)monday...

Thx for sticking with me [us]... the journey REALLY has just begun!
-Kelli-Sue

"Im on twitter!" ... Are you following me yet?

"Too much "me" time isn't always good..."

...Yah.

Strange that someone would say that but, honestly thats how I feel.

I have had so much "me" time in the past couple of weeks. When I am alone I find myself thinking about all sorts of random things, I know I wouldn't normally be thinking about, but my loneliness and most of the time boredom, lets my mind run wild.

I find myself becoming more and more jaded over time. Im starting not to care. Basically my life isn't what I thought it would be, right now & there is very little I can do about it. 

I never thought I would be 21, married (on the brink of divorce), pregnant and living with my parents b/c of said divorce b/c 'husband' walked out. 

Every little girl has her wedding planed by the time they reach the age of 10. I have to admit my wedding has been planned for a very long time, I was one of those little girls.

All I needed was a Man who LOVED me enough to marry me and a Ring on that all important finger. Well I got the man (who doesnt love me) and the ring (that I bought.. for myself... good God), but I didn't get my wedding. We wanted to start our lives together we needed BAH, so we eloped .

No one knew we were doing except his chief, he needed the day off, and I became a Mrs. with just God (& the person who married us) as my witness. It hasn't bothered me until this evening.

In the past I just told myself, I don't need a wedding, I don't need all the frills. and in reality I don't NEED those things, no, I WANT them.

Sometimes I wonder if we should have waited to get married, done it the "right" way, had our MY wedding.

Would my Mom be more excepting if we did it that way?
Would she be the proud in-law?

But then I think, If we would have waited we wouldn't be expecting our little miracle any day now, and I honestly can't imagine life where she doesn't exist.  For almost 9 months this little being has been dependent on me! That alone is a huge responsibility. Then being a mommy is an even bigger responsibility, one I am excited to take on!! but its one I want to take on w.my husband by my side, a husband I don't have... (soon to be) divorce is a bitch. 

I am stressing about school, and my graduation date, about the lack of husband I have, where he can stay when he moves... like that is MY problem, that I swear all of this is going to throw me into labor.

I am physically exhausted ALL the time, I am mentally burnt-out and emotionally I am frazzled. 

I look around my room @ pictures of us that used to adorn the walls and tables and counters in our apartment and I cry.

I cry b/c I miss being part of an "US". I miss rolling over and him someone being there, I miss his the manly smell, I miss his flirty playful teasing and tickling. I MISS MY having A HUSBAND, I DO NOT MISS ROBERT.

I pray and pray and pray. I know God doesn't give you things you can't handle.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I will continue to pray and hope. But for now I cry myself to sleep.

I don't have any real friends down here, I spend most of my time alone b/c my parents are very active and have a busy lifestyle.

I am not used to so much alone time. I am a social person by nature and this is slowly killing my spirt.

I feel like I can't go on anymore sometimes, I feel as if I can't get out of bed. The longer I stay there the shorter my day is and less likely for it to suck more life out of me.

Soon I will have no choice I will have to get up and do the things required of a mommy. E can't take care of herself, thats what I am for. But I ask, who takes care of the mommy?

xo
-Kelli