Friday, April 30, 2010

"Dear..."


Dear Millstone Coffee ,

You are my favorite [home] brand of coffee, you're delish, hot or cold. When I first moved to PA you were not avaliable up here, so I forced down drank another brand until my wonderful mom mailed me some from home. Then to my SURPRISE I found you at my local market. I hoarded bought 3 bags. As of Sunday it was all gone & I am again not able to find you anywhere. I have made pleas to have some sent to me. PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS SO HARD ON ME.

In Need of an intervention-
Coffee Addict

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Dear Mother Nature,

Please decide- HOT or COLD. Wet or Dry. Srsly. My aching body can't handle the constant changes. One day its in the 40's and rainy and then it's 80 and sunny? WTH. I prefer the latter, if you care. Also when it's all rainy and gross the satellite gets all screwy and I miss my shows! PRIORITIES. duh.

Annoyed-
Southerner who mistakenly Flew North

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Dear Hoity-Toity Woman who eavesdropped,

You now think I am a less mother b/c I didn't breastfeed. You also thought it okay to tell me that. SHAME on you. You didn't bother to ask me why I was unable to. The fact that I couldn't made my PPD even worse because I beat myself up about it. You must be think you're one hell of a mother, to be able to talk down to a complete stranger the way you did. I hope one day I can be as perfect as you someone puts you in your place.

Embarrassed for you-
Mother of a PERFECT, HAPPY & HEALTHY 2 y/o

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Dear iPod,

Hey there old guy. And by OLD, I mean 4th gen. old. Please don't die on me, anytime soon. I don't need a fancy iPod, I have iPhone that does the fancy work. I just need you to play music in my car (and be my contacts back-up for iPhone & Mac), I don't ask much of you. My OLD shuffle plays music for me when I am on the run & don't want to drain iPhone's battery. The only time you leave my car is for a quick update. I would be lost w/out you but I don't & won't have the funds to replace you anytime soon, so please stop scaring me like you have been lately.

Thanks-
Your loving owner


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Dear Skin,

I have been tanning you for 2 mons now & you look fab. I love the color you have acquired, we're almost to where we were back in '06 when we were tanning 6 days a week and out in the sun 7. I have just canceled my 'membership' as we are moving back to FL (squee!). Please in the 1ish month that we're not tanning [in a bed] please dont loose this beautiful color we've acquired. I don't want to start from scratch when we arrive in FL, okay? If you're good to me I'll be good to you. Its a give & take here.

Surprisingly [& lovingly],
A Tan IRISH girl

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Dear True Religion Outlet,

I am coming for you this weekend. Have good deals or else. I've been waiting for a long time to make it out to you.

LOTS of LOVE,
A BIG fan of a Girl who REALLY wants a pair of TR jeans!!!


...

I have ALOT of lesson plans to wrap-up this weekend. I say that every week it seems. Ah the joys of getting my Masters in Early Childhood Development & Special Education. Although I had an epiphany last night-- More on this Monday!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

1 comment:

Katie said...

Ugh, if there's one thing I truly hate in this world it's "better than thou" moms. They are everywhere these days.

Hope you have a great weekend! xo