Friday, June 19, 2009

As Promised...

Here are some b-day PICTURES!!!

Look at the resemblance:

Me a few hrs old:

Emmy a few hrs old:


Me & my precious baby girl on my b-day:

Me in my Bday Outfit/Shoes:

My TRUE RELIGION skirt from my wonderful Matty:



My adorable STUFFS from Hayls :
A closer shot of my cup/Cards:

Another one of PE/Cup:

My HP Cards (b/c she LOVES me even though im a dork), My Tervis Tumbler "K" cup, Pocket Ed & My 2d Guy Harvey Shirt!!

My Frame From Erin :

something similar (NOT THE SAME mine is an ORIGINAL) @ Her Etsy Store

and lastly but DEF. NOT least my new baby...
MY KINDLE, from Mom & Tom:

The inside & the Kindle:

The front/leather cover:

**I see my dad & his family on Sunday/Fathers Day so I think I might have an edit... If Im not a lazy bum..**

Thank you Internets for all the warm wishes on my special day! I appreciate it so much.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Because I'm older... am I wiser??

So today is my 23rd BIRTHDAY!

Normally I get all excited & like make a count down calendar for my BIG day & all but since Matt has been gone & I knew he wouldn't be able to spend it with me I wasn't all that excited about it. Same with last 2 yrs too b/c my 21st I had just gotten married and had realized it was a mistake (& i had the flu so I nvr got to do the "I'm 21 bobby didn't want to be @ hm b/c I was sick & left me there alone) and then last yr (22) I was at the end of that bad marriage & just WANTED OUT & was exhausted b/c I had a newborn!

BUT... When I arrived home from Emmy's swimmy lessons today i saw a familiar white Chevy Cavalier in my drive... Hayley !!!! I was so excited, I could barley get Emmy outta the car I was about to jump outta my skin! But i couldn't stay long I had an apt to work out trainer. I was back shortly and we had a BLAST & shes staying the night... SLUMBER PARTY! Hottubbing!! FMaybe even a pillow fight?! haha. THANK YOU Hayley for helping make my bday one of the best ever!! You're the BEST BFF everrrr!!! ILY :)

So my mom asked me where I wanted to go to dinner tonight and since I still have 5lbs to loose to hit my goal of 115 I told her that I just wanted to make my all time FAV casserole (b/c she like nvr makes it) she was surprised when I told her that I didn't want a cake either that I just wanted this sugar-free chocolate/vanilla pudding, banana thing she makes...with candles of course! LOL I really want to loose this last 5 lbs. It seems like loosing that last 5 is the hardest! haha. Anyways if I would have wanted to go out the place I would have wanted to go is like 25mins away and my stepdad gets off late tonight and we would have eaten so late, and with a toddler going out late is nvr good, esp when she's on such a strict schedule.

Hayley she got me: another Guy Harvey Shirt, a "K" tervis tumbler full of GREEN, RED & PURPLE skittles (skittles are my fav and those are my fav flavors!!), a Pocket Edward && HP trading cards!! Im such a dork!! THANK YOU HAYLEY!!!

Matts gift arrived today while I was in the shower... I have been wanting a pair of true religion jeans for like ever well he got me the cutest TR skirt!! THANKS BABY (you spent WAYYY too much but I LOVE IT & YOU... youre the best...right after hayley of

I got a cutre frame from Erins Etsy store! I love it thanks Erin!! Its adorable!



Well I was gunna leave yall with you could see the uncanny resemblance of me & Emmy the day we were both born but my baby book is in Emmy's room and i forgot to get it befor she went to bed and shes a light sleeper so tomorrow when i post pics of my bday presents I will show yall!!

Thats all .

Bye Interets.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I love my friends!

I got the following in an E-Mail from my friend Jessica (J.Caylor) and its one of those e-mails that just hit me in the right spot... I really NEEDED this one! So Thx Jess!!

The Fern and the Bamboo
One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my
spirituality. . I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one
last talk with God. God, I said..
"Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me..... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern
and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of
them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the
earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the
bamboo seed.. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern
grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo
seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo".
He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the
bamboo seed. But I would not quit.
He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five
years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would
not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
God said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been
struggling, you have actually been growing roots.. I would not quit on the
bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others.
He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern, yet, they both
make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come," God said to me. " You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on
you........Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you Happiness.
Bad days give you Experiences. . Both are essential to life. Keep
going....Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you
Human, Failures keep you Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But Only God
keeps You Going!

God Bless Your Week.

Dates for FREE...

This was too cute not to share... I got This from Erin's Blog

Enjoy there are some worth while, cute ideas...

Have a good day...

Bye Internets.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

5 Things for My Little Miss...

So I just want to say Im sorry for my lack of writing... I don't know why I just haven't been inspired. I really like this weeks 20STW prompt :

[short & sweet] Make a list of 5 things that you would want your children to know:

**This is for my princess Emmy**

1. Things are never as bad as they seem... Hindsight is always 20/20

2. Know your friends... but know yourself better

3. Love is an amazing thing but can make you do stupid things... be careful... You haven't lived until you've had your heart broken... I am your mother and don't want to see you cry but to know love is to know loss...

4. Don't hold in your feelings... talk, write, cry, scream!

5. Life is short... don't let anything pass you by... have fun and live life... I don't want you to look back and say "what If...?"

Tuckered out after Daddys graduation... what a precious little angel... we miss you daddy. [[Come (back) home soon!!]] xxoo

Bye Internets!


Friday, June 5, 2009

"Scars" [[part 2 of 2]]

So again, I go under the knife and he replaces my implant. I had a hard time coming too after being under and after asking for apple juice [don’t ask] the first thing I asked was “am I fixed”… the answer was a big fat NO. That nasty crease was more prevalent then ever. I felt more butchered then I did before I went under. Dr. Poole said “It can take up to 6 months for the crease to release/ relax and for the implant to fall into the pocket” So my mother and I agreed to give it 6 more months… after 6 months it looked exactly the same. Even after rigorous massaging and what not as instructed by Satan .

After a yr my mom and I wanted to get another opinion and in the plastic surgery world you have to get the “Okay” from your current surgeon before you can go see another in the same city b/c its such a close knit community…blah blah BULLSHIT… but that’s what they say.

We had already seen someone in Tampa & she was a reconstructive surgeon and she was mortified to see the “chop job” that a board certified surgeon had done. People it was THAT bad. So after asking Satan if we could go get a second opinion [in Orlando] he agreed, b/c it had been a yr and the implant hadn’t “fallen into the pocket”. We interviewed numerous surgeons. Ultimately it was my choice, I was 18 now. Yes it has been that many years. Finally the last one we talked to is whom we [I] decided on.

Dr. Kenrick A. Spence He is the most wonderful man alive! I’ve been with him since my senior yr in high school [2003] instead of giving you a blow-by-blow like I have been I will list all of the wondrous things this man has done for me… he has had his work cut out for him too b/c he wasn’t staring with a fresh “canvas” :

-He removed saline implants from Poole & replaced with different shape of saline implants and removed large amounts of scar tissue on RIGHT side and TRIED to open the pocket & release the crease. [[Lack of success]]. Nipple & scar revision. Infection followed. Allergic to something he used [this is a trend].

-Tried a different brand & shape of saline implants as i was having a lot of pain & pulling from the weight... infection followed..

- Shortly after- Removed saline implants as they were weighing down and putting too much pressure on muscles as I am barely 5'1 about 120/122lbs… replaced by silicone gel implants [after I signed my life away]. Tried to open pocket again, by scoring the inside of the skin. Slightly more success this time. Nipple & Scar revision. Infection followed [this too is a trend].

-Muscle & skin is taken from right above my ribcage to try cover the hideous crease. Some success is achieved. This is done twice. Nipple revisions as well.

---Break in treatments and surgeries b/c I get pregnant---

While pregnant I was able to breastfeed for about a week then I got a terrible breast infection, fever the whole 9. Ordered by my OB-GYN to STOP immediately. So I did. Saw my surgeon shortly after…

-Started doing fat grafts… taking fat from my tummy and grafting into yes… you guessed it the crease; which was in fact still there. This has been done twice. I have had twice so far and the crease is almost gone! Dr. Spence … aka … GOD thinks one more graft [which he does free of charge, I only pay for supplies…amazing man!] will do the trick. Lets hope!

I have had nipple revisions as well but I have had some horrible infections as well so we have stopped those. Every time he cuts I get an infection & that’s not his fault, that’s b/c anytime ANYONE has had a staph infection you are 10xs more likely to get any kind of bodily infection. Lucky me.


Back to Poole . We contacted him after we left him for Dr. Spence and asked simply for our money back on our attorney’s letterhead, my mom was a single mother, he knew this, as his nurse and my mom grew up together. He refused. Then we tried to get him for Malpractice then after research we found it was Medical negligence, but he drug his feet… “oh give it 6 months” “just give it a little more time” we missed FL’s statute by a few months. After checking up on him, there have been numerous complaints, similar to mine, made against him. But I am sad to say not enough, b/c he is still in practice, 20 minutes from my house. You can see his office from I-4, in Altamonte, FL.

If this post does nothing…but keep you, your family, friends, co-workers or ANYONE you know away from David V. Poole then I have done what I set out to do. I wouldn’t wish what I have been through on my worst enemy. I am not done going though this either, 8 years later and I am still being operated on and Dr. Spence is still trying to un-so the MISTAKES made by David Poole , Mistakes that SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN MADE.

I look in the mirror and I still feel like I am butchered. I hope one day I will not feel that way. I am working towards my goal & believe it or not this blog long as it may be helped heal a little part of me.

Please feel free to share your story with me. My e-mail is:


Thank you for reading my story & helping me heal.

Remember this is very personal; keep that in mind if you’re to leave a comment.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

"Scars" [[part 1 of 2]]

Everyone has scars. Whether they are mental from a bad test grade, they may be emotional from a bad break-up or loss of someone close to you or they may be physical from a slip and fall or a surgery or two.
No matter what kind of scar it is, every scar has a story. It may make you smile or frown or bring tears to your eyes, as your mind is flooded with the memories that those scars bring.

I am only 22 years old and for someone my age I have been through a lot; physically, mentally & emotionally.
This is very hard for me to write, as it is very personal. So keep that in mind if you’re going to comment. After talking to someone I am very close to, one of my best friends, she convinced me that I should write this.

Every girl goes through puberty at a different age. I was young when I got my period I was barely 11 and I wasn’t growing right, but my mom and thought I would catch up. I was so young I had just turned 11. I was only in 6th grade, still playing with Barbie Dolls™, and going to dance class and soccer practice. I wasn’t entirely worried about my [very] lopsided bust & awkwardly larger left hand/foot. I would tell myself that my right side would catch-up-soon. Everyone’s got a bigger hand/foot etc…

Well as high school quickly approached and things didn’t “even-out” but only get worse. [we’re talking a cup to a cup and a half sz difference here ppl] and going into the 9th grade that’s mortifying. So during my physical, you know the one you have to get before going into school, every year, we asked my doctor about this “problem”. She replied, and I will NEVER EVER forget what she said “Oh, wow yah that is a rather large difference. I see a size difference, a lot in young girls but nothing like this” “I think we should do some blood work” Holy crap! You don’t tell a 14yr girl and her mom that! I was freaking out. After NUMEROUS tests & blood work it fin showed that I had a slight growing disorder (the name is as long as the Nile).

Here’s the run down on my diagnosis: every woman is born with something called breast buds we have 6 in each breast 3 in the upper pole and 3 in the lower. They are stimulated when you hit puberty and they are what cause the breast to grow. Well folks I was born with on the left TOP [[3]] BOTTOM [[2]] and on the right TOP [[2]] BOTTOM [[1]] - - Yah. The X-Ray also showed that my growth plates in my hands, back & ankles had been closed or whatever for an estimated 3 years (way early here folks!...I was planning on being like oh idk 5’7 5’8…no no Im barely 5’1) that’s like the year I hit puberty. When in all reality its supposed to take yearS for your growth plates to close together.

So after a year of getting gel inserts sewn into my bras and bathing suits, and having one actually fall out while walking in the mall…embarrassing! My mom and I talked about my options and we tossed around the idea of breast implants. Now before you freak out… not to increase my actual size but to even me out. Like I had mentioned before there was a huge difference in size, one was about a full B and the other was not even an A… yah a very drastic difference. We went to see like 5 or 6 plastic surgeons and finally found one that would operate on a 15 year old, because we had proof that I was completely done growing.

The plastic surgeon the agreed to operate on me was highly esteemed in the plastics world…was voted one of the best in the central Florida area… etc so we felt very confident in him and his abilities. This remarkable, or so we thought, surgeon was Dr. David V. Poole He had a terrific bedside manor and made me and my mother feel very comfortable. It also helped that my mom grew up with one of the nurses in his office. So we proceeded to schedule my surgery for right after school got out so I could heal and be ready for summer school, I was only taking drivers ed.

[This story begins in mid2001] I underwent a routine breast augmentation and all was fine I was bandaged up and sent home. I had about a million and one post surgical apts and those seemed to go well too. Then, Satan [Dr. Poole] himself cleared me to go to summer school, followed by band camp in Aug. While sitting on the bleachers in the hot sun I started to have a strange pain in my RIGHT arm. I mentioned it to one my best friends who was in class with me, we both brushed it off as I just slept on it wrong. So SS continued and then on to band camp… the pain intensified… but it was also in my chest but this time I thought it was because I was basically living in a sports bra for 9 hrs a day; that’s just un-natural.

We had had a few yearbook workdays before school stared in mid August and the pain continued… I had talked to my mom and we had inspected my breasts- noticed some slight bruising. Not wanting to admit that something might be wrong SOO MANY months later, I ignored the pains/bruising (or what I thought was bruising). School started and I was busy as hell with yearbook and what not. Then the day came… picture day… aka.. HELL! If you’re a yearbook staffer… you have to be at school hella early and stay late… on top of that I had marching rehearsal just as I got to leave yrbk…basically I was at school from 6a-930p. I couldn’t take the pain anymore… at the end of the day I pulled my yrbk advisor into the bathroom to show her the bruising and protruding at the lower pole of my breast. The protrusion was a new development with in the week. To give you an idea of what it looked like… It looked like my breast was laying an egg of sorts… she told me that I needed to leave school immediately. I called my mother and told her to meet me at Dr. Pooles Office ASAP.

I had called his office and they said they would see me. They took me back as soon as I arrived and when I removed my shirt and he saw what was underneath the look on his face was clear… he had made a mistake many months before. He could barely touch me would tears streaming down my face. He told me that my bold was rejecting my implant and it needed to be removed, NOW. That made me cry even harder. That was going to put me back where I started, before the implants were put in… but even worse. I had an implant on the left as well. I couldn’t comprehend why this was happening to me. The next morning at 7a my right implant and all my breast tissue, skin and some muscle was removed b/c I had a staph infection that had been “brewing” in my body for close to 6 months! WTF?! The staph had destroyed my tissue and some of my muscle and A LOT of the skin on the lower pole, It wasn’t bruising, it was my skin dying, gross, I know.

DR. POOLE WAS UN-STERLE when he was filling my implant, that’s the conclusion, we came too. After we did research we found out that the kind of staph infection I had you can on contract if a surgeon is un-sterile while operating. [I will re-visit this in a few minutes]

After the removal there was nothing there. I was flatter then a board [on one side, remind you] and I was a full C on the other. But on the RIGHT side I was butchered, not only was I completely FLAT, there was this crease, where he had stitched me up on the lower pole and it was basically like he took my skin and sewed it to my ribcage [to help give a visual, I see my new surgeon soon and I will try and get a copy of all my pics and post them for yall so you can see what I am trying to describe… or is that TMI?]

Once I was all sewn up I was given a round of antibiotics, to help make sure all the staph is out of my body, seeing as it was there for almost 6 freaking months… come to find out I am DEADLY allergic to them… they almost killed me! NICE. Also, I was allergic to the MASSIVE amounts of tape he used all over me… yah come to find out I had developed a lovely LATEX allergy [no I hadn’t always had this allergy, but if you go through traumatic experiences, your body does weird things].

So much for keeping my surgeries a secret at school, I had slight burns/rashes anywhere he had tape on my body, ouch- b/c the tape had covered stitches. I had to also wear a drain to drain the excess fluid and blood and to make sure all the infection was out of my body b/c I am allergic to the strongest antibiotic out there so we had to take extra precautions.

At my 3day post surgical apt, Satan said “in 6 mons we can replace your implant, your body is young and young bodies are remarkable. It will only take ½ a yr to heal” I was all over that! In 3 months we had already scheduled my replacement [free of charge] surgery. This was the WORST idea we had… letting him operate on my again. But we thought “who will make the same mistake twice? When does lightening strike in the same place twice?”

6months and 1 day after my removal I have my implant replaced… I was sick of wearing baggy shirts and I couldn’t believe that I was back to putting the gel inserts in my bra again. It sucked. I had missed my JR prom b/c of the emergency removal and near death from the allergic reactionS to BOTH the latex and antibiotic. I was very self-conscious about something that only a handful of people knew about. But when you’re in HS everything seems like the end of the world. I know how superficial it sounds but I had been through a lot, so Judge me as you may. All the while I had almost lost a finger on my writing hand at the beginning of the semester and had to have nerve reconstruction surgery. Surgery and me were good friends.

***Part TWO comes tomorrow, if you're interested, in what happens... I didnt want this to get too lengthy***