Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Twenty Something Writers-

So Erin and Hayls both have done prompt(s) from Twenty Something Writers and I have read some of the prompts and none of them, until this one have really made me want to participate. If you sometimes have a hard time coming up with sometime to blog about check out TSW.

We all have something we want to say to someone. Maybe it’s someone in your life now. Or, maybe it is something you wish you said to someone who is no longer in your life. It could even be Mr./Ms. Random Person that you saw in the local coffee shop today. What do you want to say that you were never able to?You can leave the person(s) identity anonymous, if you’d like. Feel free to feature more than one person. Do it in letter form or any form you prefer. Show us that creativity!

You're a coward. You need to grow-up. I am glad that you're not a part of her life b/c you don't deserve it, she is my reason for living. You have no idea what you're missing. Although I should say thank you for giving her to me, she is beyond the best gift anyone could have given me.

Thank you. Without all of your help I don't know where I would be. I know I complain alot, it's b/c I am unhappy in my own life, not with you. You've done so much for me. I really do appreciate all the help, love and support. You have been a good role model. I can't say TY enough, really.

We don't see or talk to each other enough. It makes me sad but that shows how strong out friendship really is. I hope that one day [soon] we will be close enough to "do lunch" again, or go shopping. I really miss you. I hope you're happy, sometimes I can't tell. You and I have been through a lot in time we've been bff, and Im sure we have a lot more to come. We were meant to be friends. thats for sure. ily.

Ups & downs. Highs & lows. Thick & thin. Besties & enemy. Thats the ONLY way I can think to describe our friendship. But we both have done our growing...UP and realized how childish we were. I think we are past ALL that drama. At least I hope so. I'm sure we have many man many more years of "gossip" and "sleep-overs" so tell Hubby to just deal w/it ;) I'll bring the wine (reisling) (if you want beer thats your deal!! haha). ily.

"Shes a skank." is so far from the truth. HAHA to think was what I told not only HIM about you...his G/F-- But i voiced my opinion about this girl to my entire family. I am so glad I "hated" you. B/c then I wouldn't love you right now. I really commend you for sticking to your morals and NOT doing things you said you wouldn't. I know how hard that has been for you. Go see him when he comes home, you will regret it if you don't, I promise you. I know why you don't want to but for once let someone take care of you b/c hes doing it for him and TRUST ME YOU NEED IT JUST AS MUCH AS HE DOES. You don't want to live in regret & you will.

Your amazing, you've overcome so much. You walk. OMG! They said you wouldn't. I hope that you two are close but sadly I don't think you will be b/c your moms aren't anymore. Stay strong and keep growing. I love you baby girl.

I hope that I haven't disappointed you in the decisions I have made. You're so young. 13 yrs younger than I. You just don't understand. I made the right one I promise. One day I will explain it all to you. Just know that I love you and I wish we were closer but life happened and hasn't made that possible. I am sorry but that doesn't mean I don't love as much as she does, I do, maybe more.

You were never just someone to me. You might think you were but you weren't. Even with the break-up(s). You weren't. I don't know if thinking that helps you, if it does then think away. "one day" is going to come before we both know it and its going to shock us both.. in a good way.

I love you. You need to step-it-up or I am going to walk. I deserve the best and at first you were lacking then, you, on your own stepped it up and then you went home for christmas (did something happen?) and all of a sudden you stepped you game down. So step it up or I will (this isnt a joke) walk. I love you but thats not enough to mask the flaws in this relationship- theres only so much a girl can take before she says- "Fuck it".


Thursday, March 19, 2009

I was tagged!

So I was Tagged by good buddy Jessica and normally I dont do these things but this one was cute and easy so I said why not?

Here are the award rules . . .
List 7 things that you love, and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you love!
Be sure to tag them and let them know that they have won.
7 things I love (in no particular order) . . .
-My daughter (family)
-My AWESOME friends
-My iPhone
-Being @ the BEACH
-Reading (Edward Cullen!)

I tag the following 6 (b/c im LAME and only read these blogs... give me a break I have a kid) Kreative bloggers (in no particular order) . . .

So thats all internets!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Does a LOVE like this exist?

Edward to Bella:

"Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" He pulled me tighter against his hard chest, tucking my head under his chin.

[page -34- Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer]


Am I shooting for the stars? am I aiming for the unattainable?

Over a year ago [Oct 2007] I made a list, got the idea from E.Wiggle back in the day to make the list and she brought back the list and edited it for her current boyfriend an crossed off what she no longer wants and bolded what boyfriend has and what hes "working on" and so on and so forth. So with out further a do...
My EDITED "What I Want In My MAN List" [bold are most important to me...]

-I want someone who adores me & LETS ME KNOW IT. [if he adores me idk it, its nice to hear every now and again]
-I want someone who thinks I'm wonderful.
-I want someone who does sweet, dumb, cheesy things that make me laugh and smile at the same time.
-I want someone who can be themselves around me and not care what a dork I am.
-I want someone who is fine with laying in the bed or on the couch all day watching movies. [we already do this... we need to GET OUT MORE!]
-I want someone who can cook, but likes when I cook too. [M is a great cook but never lets me cook; im not half bad]
-I want someone who knows where he's going in life but still has to laugh and have fun.
-I want someone who knows when it's time to be serious but knows when its time to loosen up.
-I want notes left on my car, cute-sie text messages to tell me I'm beautiful and to let me know I'm being thought about.
-I want someone who likes being outside. [M golfs but I want to get our and play w.Emmy but unless Im a Golf club...]
-I want someone who dances with me wherever the mood strikes and someone who also sings in the car.
-I want someone who cuddles with me in bed and isn't always looking to score. [ha! hes a cuddler.. a little too much]
-I want someone who kisses me goodnight and kisses me good morning.
-I want someone who likes to go to concerts (my music and his). [he thinks country is "garbage"]
-I want someone who won't complain when I want to shop for a bit, he might even want to go. [M complains everytime he shops w.me... it gets old! FAST. If you're going to bitch and moan DONT come with.]
-I want someone who smells good.
-I want someone who takes pride in how he looks but takes less time getting ready than I do.
-I want someone who is early, never later. [hes ALWAYS LATE!]
-I want someone who doesn't complain about me changing my clothes 5 times before going back to the first outfit.
-I want someone who likes being around people, whether thats my friends or his. [i don't have to even go into this one]
-I want someone who will go out and have a good time [he doesn't like to go out- unless hes going to watch UFC w.the boys] but enjoy staying in too.
-I want someone who hesistates to kiss me when he's sick and asks me the next day how I'm feeling if he slipped up and did it.
-I want someone who lets me eat off his plate at dinner without asking.
-I want someone who feels comfortable telling me that I've got something in my teeth.
-I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful no matter what I'm wearing... or not wearing.[his roommate/bestfriend give me more compliments then he does...]
-I want someone who offers advice but doesn't get mad if I don't take it.
-I want someone to appreciate the small things in life.
-I want someone who offers to drive most of the time but lets me occasionally.
-I want someone who is ok with a girls night and knows I'm ok with a boys night. [i'm okay with a boys night once maybe twice a month...NOT every damn Sat, esp when I ONLY see you ONCE a week- geez!]
style="font-weight:bold;"-I want someone who will let me bask in my successes no matter how small they may seem to him.
-I want someone who feels comfortable at my place and stops by occasionally to say hi or when he's in the neighborhood.
-I want someone who has his own friends but likes being with mine as well.
-I want someone who wants to introduce me to his family.
-I want someone whose family I feel comfortable around.
-I want someone that's comfortable around my family.
-I want someone I can bring around my family.
[see previous post about family... HERE ]
-I want someone who is ok with hanging out with my me & DAUGHTER and realizes that this is my life now.
-I want someone who isn't afraid to kiss me in public, hold my hand, or hug me when his buddies are around.
-I want someone who opens doors for me... and the three girls walking behind me.
-I want an "I missed you" when I come back from being gone for more than a day.
-I want to be one of his first stops when he comes back from being gone for more than one day. [I want to see him more then one day a week! damn]
-I want to talk about taking vacations together then actually doing it.
-I want someone who will take photos with me... as many and wherever I want.
-I want someone who initiates those pictures.

-I want someone I'm proud to say is MINE.
-I want someone who's proud to say she's MINE.
-I want to be the first person he greets when he walks into a crowded room.
-I want to be the only girl he eyeballs. [I know im not, Im not that dense]
-I want to be... HIS.

--As I was writing this blog about a week ago I thought a love like this didn't exist. A love like "Edward & Bella" or like in all my country songs (WHAT!? Im a hopeless romantic! and I know "hes" out there somewhere!) but after week of sitting on this blog and thinking about it, I realized that kind of love DOES in fact exist. I have just been willing to settle for the first man who would stick around. I am terrified to be alone. I am not too good to admit that. I have before in the past. I thought I had found my forever but I am slowly realizing that I might not have found it. Holy shit I am only 22 years old. I used to feel like I was "damaged goods" or something b/c I am a divorced 22 y/o with a child. BUT guess what?! That just makes me that much BETTER. How you ask? Well I will tell you: *I know what married life is like, and YES I love it...l *I know what I want in a man... I am done compromising, Ive done enough of that in my life... *I don't play games... *Not only do you get my wonderful self but you get my fabulous daughter as well- a 2 for 1 if you will... can't beat that... *Just b/c I have a child doesn't mean I don't want more... I do 1-2 actually... *divorce... again... Is not an option... *I love life and all it has to offer, I made mistakes and I dont want to be judged so I wont judge you! ** Just a few reasons why I am so awesome even though I am as I like to say "damaged or used" maybe "vintage" is a better word? yah. I like that.

I am an excuse maker. I don't make them for myself as I am very hard on myself. I make them for the men I am involved with and I noticed that today. "his car is broken" "he has no money this month" "he was tired so he crashed out early, so I didnt get to talk to him much today, maybe tomorrow will be better" "he would rather cook in his own kitchen, he likes his stuff better" -- Why do I do this? Do I do this to make myself feel better or do I do it to make my relationship sound better to outsiders? I really honestly don't know why I do it. I had no idea I did it until today. Thats definitely something to think about.

I have been thinking, alot. Mainly about mine and Emmy's future. She deserves the best, of everything. So I need to make sure I work my hardest to give her the best. So I need to make sure any man that is in her life is a "keeper" none of this wishywashy crap Im used to dealing with. I need someone WHO IS GOING TO BE THERE FOR US! (more then 1 day a week...we live in the same damn city! 40 mins isnt that far!)

Thats all for now I think this is plenty long enough..

Good night internets & my very few readers (if you read me and are not a follwer...please follow... thank you)!