Does a LOVE like this exist?

Edward to Bella:

"Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" He pulled me tighter against his hard chest, tucking my head under his chin.


[page -34- Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer]

or...

Am I shooting for the stars? am I aiming for the unattainable?

Over a year ago [Oct 2007] I made a list, got the idea from E.Wiggle back in the day to make the list and she brought back the list and edited it for her current boyfriend an crossed off what she no longer wants and bolded what boyfriend has and what hes "working on" and so on and so forth. So with out further a do...
My EDITED "What I Want In My MAN List" [bold are most important to me...]

-I want someone who adores me & LETS ME KNOW IT. [if he adores me idk it, its nice to hear every now and again]
-I want someone who thinks I'm wonderful.
-I want someone who does sweet, dumb, cheesy things that make me laugh and smile at the same time.
-I want someone who can be themselves around me and not care what a dork I am.
-I want someone who is fine with laying in the bed or on the couch all day watching movies. [we already do this... we need to GET OUT MORE!]
-I want someone who can cook, but likes when I cook too. [M is a great cook but never lets me cook; im not half bad]
-I want someone who knows where he's going in life but still has to laugh and have fun.
-I want someone who knows when it's time to be serious but knows when its time to loosen up.
-I want notes left on my car, cute-sie text messages to tell me I'm beautiful and to let me know I'm being thought about.
-I want someone who likes being outside. [M golfs but I want to get our and play w.Emmy but unless Im a Golf club...]
-I want someone who dances with me wherever the mood strikes and someone who also sings in the car.
-I want someone who cuddles with me in bed and isn't always looking to score. [ha! hes a cuddler.. a little too much]
-I want someone who kisses me goodnight and kisses me good morning.
-I want someone who likes to go to concerts (my music and his). [he thinks country is "garbage"]
-I want someone who won't complain when I want to shop for a bit, he might even want to go. [M complains everytime he shops w.me... it gets old! FAST. If you're going to bitch and moan DONT come with.]
-I want someone who smells good.
-I want someone who takes pride in how he looks but takes less time getting ready than I do.
-I want someone who is early, never later. [hes ALWAYS LATE!]
-I want someone who doesn't complain about me changing my clothes 5 times before going back to the first outfit.
-I want someone who likes being around people, whether thats my friends or his. [i don't have to even go into this one]
-I want someone who will go out and have a good time [he doesn't like to go out- unless hes going to watch UFC w.the boys] but enjoy staying in too.
-I want someone who hesistates to kiss me when he's sick and asks me the next day how I'm feeling if he slipped up and did it.
-I want someone who lets me eat off his plate at dinner without asking.
-I want someone who feels comfortable telling me that I've got something in my teeth.
-I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful no matter what I'm wearing... or not wearing.[his roommate/bestfriend give me more compliments then he does...]
-I want someone who offers advice but doesn't get mad if I don't take it.
-I want someone to appreciate the small things in life.
-I want someone who offers to drive most of the time but lets me occasionally.
-I want someone who is ok with a girls night and knows I'm ok with a boys night. [i'm okay with a boys night once maybe twice a month...NOT every damn Sat, esp when I ONLY see you ONCE a week- geez!]
style="font-weight:bold;"-I want someone who will let me bask in my successes no matter how small they may seem to him.
-I want someone who feels comfortable at my place and stops by occasionally to say hi or when he's in the neighborhood.
-I want someone who has his own friends but likes being with mine as well.
-I want someone who wants to introduce me to his family.
-I want someone whose family I feel comfortable around.
-I want someone that's comfortable around my family.
-I want someone I can bring around my family. [see previous post about family... HERE ]
-I want someone who is ok with hanging out with my me & DAUGHTER and realizes that this is my life now.
-I want someone who isn't afraid to kiss me in public, hold my hand, or hug me when his buddies are around.
-I want someone who opens doors for me... and the three girls walking behind me.
-I want an "I missed you" when I come back from being gone for more than a day.
-I want to be one of his first stops when he comes back from being gone for more than one day. [I want to see him more then one day a week! damn]
-I want to talk about taking vacations together then actually doing it.
-I want someone who will take photos with me... as many and wherever I want.
-I want someone who initiates those pictures.
-I want someone I'm proud to say is MINE.
-I want someone who's proud to say she's MINE.
-I want to be the first person he greets when he walks into a crowded room.
-I want to be the only girl he eyeballs. [I know im not, Im not that dense]
-I want to be... HIS.



--As I was writing this blog about a week ago I thought a love like this didn't exist. A love like "Edward & Bella" or like in all my country songs (WHAT!? Im a hopeless romantic! and I know "hes" out there somewhere!) but after week of sitting on this blog and thinking about it, I realized that kind of love DOES in fact exist. I have just been willing to settle for the first man who would stick around. I am terrified to be alone. I am not too good to admit that. I have before in the past. I thought I had found my forever but I am slowly realizing that I might not have found it. Holy shit I am only 22 years old. I used to feel like I was "damaged goods" or something b/c I am a divorced 22 y/o with a child. BUT guess what?! That just makes me that much BETTER. How you ask? Well I will tell you: *I know what married life is like, and YES I love it...l *I know what I want in a man... I am done compromising, Ive done enough of that in my life... *I don't play games... *Not only do you get my wonderful self but you get my fabulous daughter as well- a 2 for 1 if you will... can't beat that... *Just b/c I have a child doesn't mean I don't want more... I do 1-2 actually... *divorce... again... Is not an option... *I love life and all it has to offer, I made mistakes and I dont want to be judged so I wont judge you! ** Just a few reasons why I am so awesome even though I am as I like to say "damaged or used" maybe "vintage" is a better word? yah. I like that.

I am an excuse maker. I don't make them for myself as I am very hard on myself. I make them for the men I am involved with and I noticed that today. "his car is broken" "he has no money this month" "he was tired so he crashed out early, so I didnt get to talk to him much today, maybe tomorrow will be better" "he would rather cook in his own kitchen, he likes his stuff better" -- Why do I do this? Do I do this to make myself feel better or do I do it to make my relationship sound better to outsiders? I really honestly don't know why I do it. I had no idea I did it until today. Thats definitely something to think about.

I have been thinking, alot. Mainly about mine and Emmy's future. She deserves the best, of everything. So I need to make sure I work my hardest to give her the best. So I need to make sure any man that is in her life is a "keeper" none of this wishywashy crap Im used to dealing with. I need someone WHO IS GOING TO BE THERE FOR US! (more then 1 day a week...we live in the same damn city! 40 mins isnt that far!)

Thats all for now I think this is plenty long enough..

Good night internets & my very few readers (if you read me and are not a follwer...please follow... thank you)!