"Welcome"

I was recently informed that my blog audience, if you will, is a lot broader that I originally thought. 

I knew I had single dad(s) and a few men (I am so flattered that yall read AND comment, THANKS!). 

I have also mentioned that I knew I had a large number of anonymous readers [lurkers]. Who read in the shadows of their computer screens and then leave. Thinking no one is the wiser.  

Since being 'notified' of said reader(s), a few days ago, I have been mulling over what to do.  A few of my close friends, whom I told about this 'situation', have advised me to make my blog private.

As a student of journalism since I was 14, then Public Relations in college, I am against all kinds of censorship. 

To me, making my blog private is a form of censorship. I know I don't have a huge following, but I do have a decent following. I am proud of my blog. I have been here, at this corner of the interwebz, for over 2yrs. 

I knew this was possible. I mean I post links to recent posts, to my twitter (which is private, as a few mons ago), which is linked to my FB (also private). I also had a link on my MySpace back in the days when MySpace was all the rage.  

I am proud of my blog and I have nothing to hide. In the 2+yrs I have been blogging I have changed and this blog has molded and changed with me, it has helped me get through some rough patches, like my divorce & PPD. I know I can always come to my blog, good day, bad day and for the most part not be judged for what I post. I have great readers, the ones that are open & let me know they are there, theres no question about that one. I have made some great efriends & some actual friends who I miss (Rachael- come see me). 

I am pleased with what my blog has become over the years. It reminds me of where I "came from" & hints @ where I am going. 

I don't know how long I will [continue to] blog. I do know I will do so until I feel it no longer is serving its purpose in MY life. I do it for ME. Until that time comes I hope I will sustain readership. Yall make coming to my humble corner so enjoyable.

So all-in-all I hope that YOU enjoy my blog & staying caught up w.the happenings in my life. I also want to take this time to say WELCOME, since I haven't been able to do so yet. 

**I have disabled comments for this post, I hope you understand. They will be enabled for tomorrows post.**

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Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Tick-Off Tuesday"

I got this "idea" from Hailey over at yup you guessed it Be Serious... A friend of her started it. Its a good way to get those things that piss you off frustrate you, off your chest!

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• The peds office: I was there LAST week & I called the week before... BOTH times I mentioned her diaper rash & how BAD it was... While I was in the office, You said to keep "an eye on it" and call back in A WEEK & come in if it was still there. A WEEK has passed... its worse. 3  4 types of DR creams later and its WORSE, my baby is crying when she has to go potty! I call you and you tell me it could be a yeast infection on the skin and to try a different type of cream w.my DR cream before you will see her! WTF! I am pissed the hell off. Her peds office in FL would have NEVER in a million fucking years told me that, they would have told me to come right in. YOU BETTER HOPE TO GOD THIS OTHER CREAM WORKS IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS...  I am NOT the mom to piss off.

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• Rudeness really ticks me off. My fiancee & I had an over 3 hour drive home traffic rules! from the beach house yesterday & we discussed how we hate rude people & certain things that really get under our skin.-- If you're going to do/plan something that's awesome, Please don't talk about/plan it right in front of me LIKE IM NOT IN THE ROOM, if you're not going to include me. That is so rude.  Then look at me and say "what are you doing then?" Srsly. 

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• If I do something above and beyond, some kind of acknowledgement is nice. Like a simple "Thanks" or "Thank You". I don't need to fawned over, I don't do things for the recognition I get or don't get, but I hate feeling like I do things in vein. 

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Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Again"

In the last four or five days I have had an influx of anon. comments-- THEN I tweeted/FBed about how cowardly it is to be to leave anon. blog comments. So after midnight I got a comment from someone who left a name (Im assuming its fake) b/c they didn't leave an E-Mail address.

I am going to address the two worst (in my opinion) comments. Then I [hope] I don't have to waste my time again.

**I have disabled anon. comments. If I continue to get commenters who only leave a name and no contact, comments will only be available to blogger users, which I will hate to do b/c I have reader who use other platforms.

Comment #1- Left on Saturday, May 1:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post ""It's No Secret"":

"It's No Secret...I am [and always will be] a single mom, even after I am married."

That should tell you something. BIG, huge, monumental wake-up call.

Let me preface...I believe MY statement in that entry was taken the wrong way & if YOUR not a single mother (I believe I know who this cowardly bitch ahem commenter is & she's NOT) then you will never understand where I am coming from.

It's not b/c M isn't willing to help, It's not b/c he doesn't tey to help. He does. E sees him as daddy, he is the only man she has know, as her GD did not come around regualrlly enough when she was little (maybe 5 times before she was 8 mons old). He gets very upset if i say my daughter, he corrects me and says OUR daughter. I got very lucky to have found a man who loves my child as much as he loves me. He stepped up as "daddy" all on his own.

It's b/c E & I have a special bond b/c I was the only one who talked to her when she was in my belly, I was the only one who got up with her when she was a baby. Yes I lived under my parents roof, but when I moved in they sat me down and made it clear that, that was just a place to live. That I was to be the one to raise my child, they WERE NOT live in babysitters, they WERE NOT going to take care of E when I wanted to sleep etc... (they were true to their word, it was like pulling teeth to get them to babysit- but they did help me ALOT)

It's just something in me that I will not be able to let go. A piece of me will always feel like a single mom. I know when I have another child I might change the way I feel b/c I will not be alone while I am pregnant but that wont be happening for many years, I need to finish grad school and get a job first.

SO- Before you go spouting off how that needs to be awake up call, suggesting that I need to look at M or our relationship. You are wrong. He loves E more than anything, like she is his.He tells people he went to school with that SHE IS HIS. Just this AM I walked into our room from the bathroom and they were cuddling & watching Diego, it was precious. You should proabaly know why I write the things I write. If you're not in my shoes you won't know. Its really easy as an outsider looking in.

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Comment #2- Left on Monday, May 3:

Bianca has left a new comment on your post ""Dear..."":

I don't understand.

You don't have a lot of "alone time" yet you get your nails done and hair done all the time.

You don't have extra cash... but you have money to go shopping for things like True Religion.

You know, your life is a lot more padded and luxurious than you think. Get married, have another child, go to school full time, work full time and pay your own bills, THEN I will be able to appreciate your blog.


Oh dear Bianca. I am going to go line by line. I don't even know why I feel the need to justify myself someone who is also a coward. It's easy to leave a name, but no way to contact you in return. But I feel as if I should "stick-up" for myself.

I don't have a lot of alone time. I am a mother, I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world, you most not be one. If you were you would understand what goes along with "the job" - you also aren't a very good reader, I blame your elementary school teachers, b/c if you were a good better reader you would have noticed ALOT of the little major details that in my opinion make up the 'story' & without them you look like a total IDIOT. Good thing I am going to be a teacher and it so happens I want to be a reading therapist, so I will help point out the details that you missed that make up the BIG picture, b/c with out those details you have swisscheese. Most YOUNG CHILDRENover look the details of a story, I wouldn't expect that from an adult. Oh well like I said I blame your elementary school teachers.

Moving along... now I know I said I got my hair done every 6 weeks BEFORE I MOVED, I moved last Decemeber. It's okay you must have missed that, but still every 6 weeks, is all the time now? hmm I must have missed that memo. I also mentioned how I get may nails done ONCE every 3.5 weeks, roughly ONCE a month. Please tell me how 45mins ONCE A MONTH is ALL THE TIME? Most people who have acryllics or enjoy getting their nails done go every other week, twice a month. I can ONLY AFFORD to go once a month, I budgeted it in there & with my daughter & school I only have time to go ONCE A MONTH. But maybe to you ONCE A MONTH is all the time, who knows? That takes me to the extra cash issue. I would KILL for True Religion Jeans , oh boy would I. AS I MENTIONED, I thought we were going to the OUTLETS, you know the place that things are CHEAPER? But after looking at my back acct, I realized I didn't have any extra money to spend, so instread of going to the OUTLETS we took OUR daughter to the park and went grocery shopping. So I DON'T have EXTRA cash for things like True Religion. I blog for fun, that "letter" was for fun. I do however just want to go to the OUTLET to see the difference in OUTLET TR jeans and Retail TR jeans. I enjoy WINDOW shopping just as much as the actual purchase. I have gone to KOP 3 times and walked out with EXACTLY what I walked in with. E's diaperbag & my purse, nothing more. I will NOT spend beyond my means. The only debt I have is student loans, I don't have CC debt, not many 23 year olds can say that. I paid my credit card off 2 years ago. I did. No one else, not mommy or daddy, I did, with my savings. Not exactly what I wanted to use my savings on but I didn't want to be in debt when my daughter was born.

I know my life is padded. I am very lucky. You make your life as luxurious as you want it to be, its all in your attitude & how you choose to look at your own life. You sound like a VERY JEALOUS girl woman, you wil be unhappy if you continue to be so jealous. I am getting married, June of 2011, sorry to say but you WILL NOT be invited, I doubt you will be missed, we plan on having another child, God willing in 2013 sometime. I am in GRADUATE SCHOOL FULLTIME right now actually... so apparently you are a new(er) reader or you AGAIN ::shaking my head:: have over looked details. Before I moved I worked part-time, and SAVED EVERY SINGLE CENT that I made, that is how I am living now. That and my fiancée has a GREAT job. Once I graduate I will work full-time, God I hope I end up teaching your kids, that way they are better readers then you are. The very few bills I do have, get paid BY ME... otherwise they wouldn't get paid.

So like I care, but I hope I have garnered some respect or appreciation now. If not I don't give a shit. I did what I set out to do. Stand up for myself.

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For anyone else who reads my blog I hope this gave you a little more insight to who I am, I am not a little spoiled brat, that SOO many of you think I am. I used to be, but alot of things happen behind closed doors that I don't feel the whole world needs to know.

I would hate to have to make my comments Blogger Accts only. -or- Quit blogging for a while. I can't believe MY blog has caused so much drama. I didn't even realize I had so many haters or such a large audience. I thought only like 40 ppl read this, I was wrong.

Grow-Up people. Learn Common Courtesy.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"No Need to be Nasty"

Yesterday I wrote a very personal blog that I felt needed to be shared. I thought It might get some attention due to its nature.

I have the option for anon. comments for 2 reasons. 1) so my non-blogger friends can comment (thx guys! love the support) 2) for those who like to comment w/o leaving a name b/c they are private people (usually they are nice comments or constructive or a question...) Until yesterday!

In yesterday's post, in case you missed it you can click here , I mentioned in the LAST little blurb, about how I want to be a surrogate. My blog was about PPD, NOT being a surrogate, but it tied in at the end. Just read it if you haven't.

Well anyways I got one of the meanest comments,which happened to be anon. from someone who seems to think surrogating is disgusting. This is the comment:

"First of all I have a child. From adoption. I think this "PPD" stuff is a bunch of crap, so you cried a little after you had a kid big deal, I think you were pill searching. As for the women who kill or hurt thier kids or themselves- they are just weak. Or they just realized they don't want the kid. Its plain and simple. Then you jump subjects at the bottom to how you want to surrogate. DISGUSTING. If a couple can't have a baby, adopt. Why in God's name would you want some other woman's fertilized egg implanted in YOUR uterus? The thought makes me ill. That really is sick if you think about it long and hard and why would your husband want to watch you carry another couples baby? You are nothing but an incubator to the people anyways, they will probably treat you like crap and put you on some crazy diet because that is THEIR baby in YOUR body. They couldn't have a baby for a reason. Adoption is the way, I chose it for a reason. I couldn't have a child with my boyfriend of 9 years. We didn't try fertility treatments or anything, adoption was always what I wanted anyways and we would never consider a surrogate, thats gross beyond belief. You should really think about it you should young and uneducated."

After I read that I cried for about 45 minutes. Then I had to re-read it bc there is no way someone can be so rude, cruel.

She calls me uneducated, she sounds uneducated herself. She also sounds bitter about not being able to have children. I feel bad for her child, lord knows how she treats him/her.

I think it takes a special person to be a surrogate. I am not saying everyone can do it or should do it, but I feel I can and if I can I want to help a family have a child, biologically.

Adoption is wonderful. My daughter is eventually going to be adopted by M after we get married (he has to purpose first) so I am all for adoption!! But some prefer biology. Its all PERSONAL preference.

Grow-up people. Don't leave mean comments on my blog anymore.


Thx for sticking with me [us]... the journey REALLY has just begun!


-Kelli-Sue


"Im on twitter!" ... Are you following me yet?

"Some "Me" time is MUCH MUCH over due!"

I am SICK of doing things on OTHER peoples schedules. Seriously.

"I don't know if we can" -- Blah Blah...yah whatever...you run off and do something else and forget I even asked to do something. 

Im DONE waiting for other people, for them to just blow me off.

I have feelings too.

Yes, I have a child. I can still do stuff. Its not a disease.

Shes 2 1/2 months old. Stroller or baby bjorn and Bam Im off!! Its that easy. 

From today on out...I will ask if you want to go you say no, Im not waiting. If I want to go I will go, just me & my girl.

Why does it always have to be YOUR schedule? Why can't we do it on mine? 

Okay so Im pissed off!! Like really pissed off and I tried to call 2 people (to vent), 2 people I am ALWAYS there for (esp. when they need to vent) and guess what...they aren't there for me.

THANKS for hitting the "fuck you" button. Means a whole heck of a lot. I guess over time (and distance and having a baby) you learn who your friends truly are. -- Mom was there for me...as usual. 

I am the type of person who always wants to make others smile and laugh and try to make them happy.

Well NOW its time to make ME (and E) happy. I need ME to be happy.

Im sick of trying to please everyone. I spend more of my time making others happy and NO time makes me happy. 

Well enough of this rant.

Im gunna do some of next weeks homework so I can hang out w.my cousin Bubba while hes on leave and my "adopted" cousin Courtney...separately of course...this week, while im all alone in this big ole house.

xo
-Kelli