"Randoms"

This is kind of a rage-y/ vent-y post. My thoughts are all over the place. Bear with me. I need to get it all off my chest.

-I am PMSing... I haven't actually had a period in 3 years (!) thanks to Mirena [TMI?] so I rarely PMS. Today was the exception; I was at work, talking to a patient and out of NO WHERE I get horrible cramps. I know I made a face b/c my patient asked me if I was okay, embarrassing. I have been snapping at TM for the last 2 days, poor guy. Damn PMS. 

-I just started 2 more classes, No rest for the insane weary. The work load is MASSIVE. I have been have anxiety attacks over how I am going to get it all done, with work and E. I have a GREAT work schedule, M-Th 9-230. I have Friday's off & E is in school from 9-2. So I have all day to myself.

-TM has been a huge help, by doing things around the house (without me asking!), so I have more time to focus on my work, I am so lucky.

-In the past month, E has become clingy, she cries if I won't hold her, if I am not in the same room as her, if my mom picks her up from school, she even gets upset when TM leaves for work or to go to the store, etc... It makes doing anything difficult. I can't even pee or shower alone. It's like she's never see's me, but since I have only been doing ext. day 2 days a MONTH, we have a ton of mommy-daughter time. 

-I love the time I have with her but, I would love some "me time", but you can't exactly tell a toddler to go away.

-E's temper tantrums are terrible. People told me 3 is worse than 2, they were not kidding. She will only nap 3 days a week, if I am lucky; when shes tired they are worse. Most times she passes out in the car after school, on the way to the gym or to run errands Trust you me, you don't want to be the one there when the monster appears waking her up. 

-Sometimes I have to leave her with TM and take a sabbatical walk to the mailbox, to cool off. 

-As the date that my wedding to M approaches, I get pissed, upset, angry, jealous, etc. I wanted to get married more than anything, I loved him and he broke my heart dream. I look on FB, fucking FB at exs, ones that cheated on me, and most of them are married, with 1 or 2 kids. 

-Things have been easier since TM has been around more and I am happy again. He's a good man, my friends and FAMILY like love him. We share the same values & he treats E and I like royalty.

-I hate when people who don't have children (by choice), criticize those who do. If you don't have a child you can not criticize, b/c you have no idea what the hell you are talking about. You sound ignorant. No, babysitting is NOT the same as having your own child. 

-You know what also pisses me off? People who think that as soon as you have unprotected sex (sans bc) that you will immediately get pregnant. News Flash: It takes time to get pregnant. Some people get pregnant quickly, but majority of the time it takes months.

-Since the news of OBL's death a friend, who I had lost contact with, and I are speaking again. We aired our "grievances" if you will and picked-up where we left off. I am so thankful to have him back in my life. I missed him so much, I honestly don't know how I lived w/o him in my life for as long as I did. 

Now its time for a shameless plug: I was nominated for Circle of Moms top 25 blogs on Single Parenting, read about that here. Vote for me, or don't. Just thought I'd throw it out there. 

I know this is all over the map, but I actually feel better.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli