"Letter to Me"

A while ago [probably about a yr] I saw a few people do something similar to this & as I was laying in bed this yesterday AM; I woke up @ 750 - 10 minutes before E & was just thinking when I heard "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley. I then thought how much easier college and the year following would have been if I would have had a letter to myself telling me what to expect. I start grad school in EXACTLY ONE WEEK & I find myself wishing I knew what to expect. Hindsight is 20/20- So here is a letter guiding me through my FIRST 4 years of college and the year leading me to present day & GRADUATE school. I am going to be brutally honest with myself. This is probably one of the most honest posts I will ever write. Bare with me.



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Dear 18 Year Old KS,

You made the right decision by walking away from him. Keep walking and don't look back. He's not right for you. You think you want to spend forever with him, but you can't even trust him. He will be the reason you and your dad's family won't speak for over 4 months & you won't know about Alicia being pregnant. Focus on your freshman year, make friends. Don't focus on him. Don't come home every chance you get, temping as it may be. It's very self destructive. You will get pregnant, by him & then have a late term miscarriage. Stay up at college, have fun. spare the heartache.

Marines are hawt, YES. Fun to party with, YES. Good friends, yes. Great penpals, def. Good boyfriends- No way. They will break your heart. Each & everyone of them. I know it is going to seem like you're a magnet for them that they are around EVERY corner you turn- but you need to some how break the trend, stop turning the corners & your head. There is one Marine, in particular who is going to shred your heart & the worst part? You left him. Years later you won't even remember why, but you will still think about. It was bad.

The boys won't be your only heartbreaks. The girl(s) you meet will break your heart even worse. They are not solely to blame, you had your hand in the ending of friendship(s) and the mudslinging too, but somethings you couldn't control. Sex is not a game, although she (they) thought it was. You weren't clear on your feelings for him b/c you were scared you hadn't felt that way since J. Don't be scared. Don't let that happen. Be open & honest. Don't let her stand in your way. She will have a way of getting in your way. If you become happy & she isn't she will find a way to make you unhappy. If she doesn't like what guy you're with or she does like him she will do what it takes so you don't have him anymore. Beware. She isn't all bad but she also isn't all that good; For you. You can certainly find a better friend.

Don't fight over petty things with your friend of 18+ yrs. Go make up. Your in a fight right now. Go say your sorry and get ice cream. Have a girls day of shopping. Just make up. She will one day be your daughters GodMother & a damn good one. She is a great friend and you know. You will need her the most when you're in a fight, so don't fight with her. It really is simple. Hug her a lot & tell her she is your BFF. Don't take her for granted, ever. Before you know it you won't be with in driving distance anymore & you will miss her.

Concentrate on your studies. I know that this is cliche, but its is so true. You are smart & know what you are doing PR is right up your ally. You don't NEED to go out if you have a paper or test due or even if you have an early AM class the next day. Your social standing will not be ruined if you say "NO" once or twice. Thats what the weekend is for, Trust me. You will wish one day that your GPA is better & that you read that chapter for the popquiz.

Don't stress out too much pretty girl. You will have some hurdles but you will graduate in 4 years. There will be some [crazy] bumps in the road, don't let that detour you; You just need to look inside and find your determination. You will get there don't worry.

You have always wanted to be a wife and mother. You got the wife part for a very short time. Not even for 6 months & to the very, very wrong man. But b/c of him you got your daughter. She is your life.

After you have been out of college for about a year you will feel lost and unsure about your life & your daughter will help you find yourself. She will help you find your "calling" b/c its not what you get your bachelors in. You will make a huge decision and move, that turns out to be for the best. You decide to go to graduate school in PA. Moving in with your boyfriend and his family [temporarily] Your little family becomes your life.

Your classes will be at night so you can continue to be a SAHM during the day. You will love the sound of your toddler playing and laughing, toddling though the house. Silence will make you wonder what's going on. Wow Wow Wubbzy adding to the noise level as you unload & reload the dishwasher while your toddler eats her breakfast & milk in the AM, while your coffee brews is all but exciting but its the life you love. The life you wouldn't trade for anything

But, you will have days, when your toddler won't listen, you have a lot of HW, the potty training seems to be too much to do on your own, your boyfriend is still just that- your boyfriend, he isn't at home to deal with the mundane crap, like the never ending laundry dishes or toys always EVERYWHERE. You could just use a break, from well LIFE, b/c it just doesn't seem to be enough. You're going to want more, you look around and want more then what you have, but you're going to be living on one income & have student loans to cover your private school education.

There will be days that you're going to cry in the shower, b/c you're going wish that you nvr married "him" b/c you wanted to have the career that came with the degree, the freedom that came with being childless, you see what your friends have. You want the ability to go shopping for that swanky new outfit or those trendy new shoes when you want them instead of saving for diapers or clothes for your daughter b/c your child grows so damn fast it blows your mind. But then, she will say mama and you will snap out of it and realize you got everything you wanted: The boy Man of your dreams that even in a hurry never forgets to give you a kiss before he leaves for work in the AM & calls your everyday during his lunch even if its just for minute. The beautiful child who is perfect in every way. The home. The multiple degrees. You might not have gotten it in the traditional manner but you got it. Just wait & your boyfriend will be ore then just your boyfriend.

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If I would have had this when I started my undergrad life would have been easier. I don't have a manual or letter for when I start grad school in a week [7days]. I am going in blind. My life is 100% different & my priorities are different. I am hoping that this time around I will have a better experience.

**If you could write a letter to yourself- how old would you be & what would you say?**

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Only [5days] till the reveal of the new NAME & Design for the blog yall. Erin @ MyWayThisTime has been working really hard, or hardly working? To make this great. Hmm. JK. We shall see come Monday, Jan 25. I can't wait!
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-Kelli-Sue

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"Slow Down"

There isn't a set age to get married, to have kids, the dog, the house the SUV, the CAREER, the whole "picture" if you will. Every person/couple is different.

The first thing is Marriage. If you live with your S/O, I believe it's the same as being married w/o the legal paper saying that your married. You sleep in the same bed, you come home to each other everyday, you eat as a "family", you have joint friends, you talk and have conversations as you would when you're married that stuff doesn't change b/c you have a legal document stating that by law you are joined- oh yah and your last names match. [almost] Everything you do, you do together, as a couple.

I believe in marriage, I do, I want to get [re]Married one day. I want the dress and the flowers & ceremony. Its not just a legal thing its a religious thing too, I know M will ask me whe he is ready/can afford to but until then, [I] don't push the marriage card. Enjoy living together, b/c living together is wonderful too, less stresses- Marriage brings a whole new slew of stresses.

It amazes me how many people I come across, almost daily, who think that by age X they have to get married then after 1.5-2 yrs of marriage they have to be getting pregnant and purchasing a house, have a dog... don't forget they also don't want to stay home with said children & dogs. They want a CAREER, not a job (good luck with that with the current economy- even with a degree, good luck!).

Most woman now-a-days want to bring home a substantial paycheck, help contribute to the household; And lets face it 97% of households cannot run off only one paycheck. You need dual paychecks to keep things running smoothly, as to not be living "paycheck-to-paycheck". No one likes to live that way everyone likes a little wiggle room (oh boy I just burst out in the jello theme-song).

So little sally will be tossed into daycare @ 6wks old b/c ladies you ONLY get 6wks maternity leave from that wonderful career you have. And hubby, if his company has it, offers him 2 wks paternal leave. You'll be one lucky lady to work up to the day you deliver. Most can't/choose not too.

Then money starts to get tight b/c you HAD to have the best daycare, the "In daycare" yah well that one is $300 more a month then the one that didn't have a mile-long waiting list. And you HAD to have that brand new Hybrid SUV w/all the bells and whistles... b/c you wanted to be "green" b/c thats the "in" thing to do. Oh and little Sally she has to have Organic formula and food, b/c everyone at her daycare does & you buy her clothes from swanky boutiques near your home, no chain brands for your sweetpea.

Not to mention your mortgage payments are a little high b/c you HAD to live in that part of town. You couldn't live 10 mins down the road, no you HAD to live there, the night life was good, great dining, ect. Well the price of living in that area was fine a little high, but manageable until you had a baby, another mouth to feed, body to clothe, etc... Don't forget vet bills, just like Sally, Buddy has to go to the DR too.

Once you have a child EVERYTHING changes. Lets start with your body. It is possible to loose all your baby weight, if you're determined you can do it quickly. But your body is never the same, ever. You might, no matter how much cocoa butter you use, get stretch marks... Bye-bye bikinis and bare mid-drifts. Your hipster jeans/skirts will not fit you the same ever again, they will fit, just not the way they did pre-baby. Once you deliver your hair falls out b/c of the immediate lack of hormones. You get dark circles b/c you're always tired, from work, home & baby-you won't sleep nearly as much as you did pre-baby. My guess is you won't have as much you/hubby time either, too tired. No more sleeping-in. Children don't sleep in. You have less time for yourself, your child gets all of your attention so getting your hair, nails, etc done falls to the wayside... hello natural hair color! Until they are slightly older of course. You have to get up twice as early so YOU can get ready for work , then you have to get your baby up and ready too. No more quick trips to the store either, you always need the diaper bag... is it packed? You've gotta have extra bottles, clothes, diapers/wipes, etc... yes this is for a trip to the store. You never know what's gunna happen.

Vacay- traveling? HAHA!! You want to take your baby on a plane? or a long car trip (gotta stop to change Sally frequently)? Is where you're going family/child friendly? What is there for the kid(s) to do? Can you afford to pay the price for all those extra (for the kids) checked bags?

You might say to me well I do have my husbands help & support. You may yes, but majority of the responsibility falls onto the mother. Daddy helps but moms micro-manage and if its not done right [her way] she has to re-do it so until baby is older mom does a lot of the work. Don't forget his body DOESN'T CHANGE.

Having a child with your husband is quite the bonding experience. You're making another life out of your love for one another. But most people don't think about the drastic changes that come along with having a child.

You may have friends/family members that have infants or toddlers. Or you may watch TV show(s) that features young babies or adorbale pregnant women. You think I want that. Well when you have friends you don't always see the whole picture, and on TV they don't show you the not fun parts of being pregnant... (every woman is different) or how hard raising a family can be. On top of excelling at your career.

Before you set all of these outrageous "benchmarks" for your life, try living it. Don't have a set time limit for everything.

Travel (child free) with your husband first, just be married and enjoy that for a while b/c while having a child does bring you two together, your marriage WILL in fact change. It won't be like it was pre-baby; No more impromptu dates (gotta find a sitter), no more super late take-out dinners kids need routine, no more sleeping in, cuddling up on a rainy sunday to watch movies and munch popcorn, etc...

So I guess what I am saying don't have a baby b/c you think "its what you have to do b/c you're married now" They aren't accessories. They are full time responsibilities.

IDK how many of you actually read the whole thing... but its been bothering me for a while. Had to get that off my chest. Im off my "soapbox"... for now!

Lets be mature... **What are your thoughts on everything that I have laid out today?

Thx for sticking with me [us]

-Kelli-Sue

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