Monday, September 28, 2009

"Slow Down"

There isn't a set age to get married, to have kids, the dog, the house the SUV, the CAREER, the whole "picture" if you will. Every person/couple is different.

The first thing is Marriage. If you live with your S/O, I believe it's the same as being married w/o the legal paper saying that your married. You sleep in the same bed, you come home to each other everyday, you eat as a "family", you have joint friends, you talk and have conversations as you would when you're married that stuff doesn't change b/c you have a legal document stating that by law you are joined- oh yah and your last names match. [almost] Everything you do, you do together, as a couple.

I believe in marriage, I do, I want to get [re]Married one day. I want the dress and the flowers & ceremony. Its not just a legal thing its a religious thing too, I know M will ask me whe he is ready/can afford to but until then, [I] don't push the marriage card. Enjoy living together, b/c living together is wonderful too, less stresses- Marriage brings a whole new slew of stresses.

It amazes me how many people I come across, almost daily, who think that by age X they have to get married then after 1.5-2 yrs of marriage they have to be getting pregnant and purchasing a house, have a dog... don't forget they also don't want to stay home with said children & dogs. They want a CAREER, not a job (good luck with that with the current economy- even with a degree, good luck!).

Most woman now-a-days want to bring home a substantial paycheck, help contribute to the household; And lets face it 97% of households cannot run off only one paycheck. You need dual paychecks to keep things running smoothly, as to not be living "paycheck-to-paycheck". No one likes to live that way everyone likes a little wiggle room (oh boy I just burst out in the jello theme-song).

So little sally will be tossed into daycare @ 6wks old b/c ladies you ONLY get 6wks maternity leave from that wonderful career you have. And hubby, if his company has it, offers him 2 wks paternal leave. You'll be one lucky lady to work up to the day you deliver. Most can't/choose not too.

Then money starts to get tight b/c you HAD to have the best daycare, the "In daycare" yah well that one is $300 more a month then the one that didn't have a mile-long waiting list. And you HAD to have that brand new Hybrid SUV w/all the bells and whistles... b/c you wanted to be "green" b/c thats the "in" thing to do. Oh and little Sally she has to have Organic formula and food, b/c everyone at her daycare does & you buy her clothes from swanky boutiques near your home, no chain brands for your sweetpea.

Not to mention your mortgage payments are a little high b/c you HAD to live in that part of town. You couldn't live 10 mins down the road, no you HAD to live there, the night life was good, great dining, ect. Well the price of living in that area was fine a little high, but manageable until you had a baby, another mouth to feed, body to clothe, etc... Don't forget vet bills, just like Sally, Buddy has to go to the DR too.

Once you have a child EVERYTHING changes. Lets start with your body. It is possible to loose all your baby weight, if you're determined you can do it quickly. But your body is never the same, ever. You might, no matter how much cocoa butter you use, get stretch marks... Bye-bye bikinis and bare mid-drifts. Your hipster jeans/skirts will not fit you the same ever again, they will fit, just not the way they did pre-baby. Once you deliver your hair falls out b/c of the immediate lack of hormones. You get dark circles b/c you're always tired, from work, home & baby-you won't sleep nearly as much as you did pre-baby. My guess is you won't have as much you/hubby time either, too tired. No more sleeping-in. Children don't sleep in. You have less time for yourself, your child gets all of your attention so getting your hair, nails, etc done falls to the wayside... hello natural hair color! Until they are slightly older of course. You have to get up twice as early so YOU can get ready for work , then you have to get your baby up and ready too. No more quick trips to the store either, you always need the diaper bag... is it packed? You've gotta have extra bottles, clothes, diapers/wipes, etc... yes this is for a trip to the store. You never know what's gunna happen.

Vacay- traveling? HAHA!! You want to take your baby on a plane? or a long car trip (gotta stop to change Sally frequently)? Is where you're going family/child friendly? What is there for the kid(s) to do? Can you afford to pay the price for all those extra (for the kids) checked bags?

You might say to me well I do have my husbands help & support. You may yes, but majority of the responsibility falls onto the mother. Daddy helps but moms micro-manage and if its not done right [her way] she has to re-do it so until baby is older mom does a lot of the work. Don't forget his body DOESN'T CHANGE.

Having a child with your husband is quite the bonding experience. You're making another life out of your love for one another. But most people don't think about the drastic changes that come along with having a child.

You may have friends/family members that have infants or toddlers. Or you may watch TV show(s) that features young babies or adorbale pregnant women. You think I want that. Well when you have friends you don't always see the whole picture, and on TV they don't show you the not fun parts of being pregnant... (every woman is different) or how hard raising a family can be. On top of excelling at your career.

Before you set all of these outrageous "benchmarks" for your life, try living it. Don't have a set time limit for everything.

Travel (child free) with your husband first, just be married and enjoy that for a while b/c while having a child does bring you two together, your marriage WILL in fact change. It won't be like it was pre-baby; No more impromptu dates (gotta find a sitter), no more super late take-out dinners kids need routine, no more sleeping in, cuddling up on a rainy sunday to watch movies and munch popcorn, etc...

So I guess what I am saying don't have a baby b/c you think "its what you have to do b/c you're married now" They aren't accessories. They are full time responsibilities.

IDK how many of you actually read the whole thing... but its been bothering me for a while. Had to get that off my chest. Im off my "soapbox"... for now!

Lets be mature... **What are your thoughts on everything that I have laid out today?

Thx for sticking with me [us]


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Hayley said...

I agree with pretty much everything. Everything except the traveling with a baby part. My parents traveled with me as a baby, numerous times on a plane to NJ and back. Also, when my brother was born and I was a toddler, there was still traveling. It's not this impossible task. You just have to plan everything. We'll see what I'm saying when I have kids. LOL.

I want at least 3 years of marriage before we start having kids. Oh wait, we have to get married first! hahaha.

Jessica said...

I always said I wanted to start trying for a child when I turned 25. Well, I'll be 25 in 2 months and I know for dang sure I am not ready for that! You just can't plan stuff like that, you'll end up getting disappointed...

Nicole said...

I also completely agree. I don't want to have kids for at least 5 more years b/c I want to enjoy my marriage. We have been so frugal over the that we are married and will be getting a house...I actually want to stop and enjoy what we've accomplished so far. I actually want to take yearly vacations (whooda thunk it?) and not work so much (b/c we are workaholics).

Ashley Riggs said...

Just so you know... I love reading your blogs! and yes i do read them! It makes me smile! Thanks for making me laugh! I couldn't agree more!

Kiss Emmy for me!