Thursday, September 3, 2009

"Looking Back"

So yesterday I realized what how real "pregnant brain" (forgetfulness, confusion, hormone surges, etc...) really is. It really makes you delusional. I was bored, I couldn't take E out to play on her play-set, & thx to El Nino it was pouring, so we were cooped up inside. I decided to read back on some of my early blog entries; back while I was very pregnant and very much in a different state of mind, so to speak.

Now Let me Take you back to July of 2007...When I found out I was pregnant with E. The very day I had told my "wonderful" and by "wonderful" I mean piece of shit who 'couldn't find a job' b/c he was too lazy too actually look & would rather lay around while his pregnant wife works and goes to school full time huband. OK. AWESOME. So that day I told him I wanted an annulment. We had only been married close to 3 months, it was still in that short "I made a huge mistake" ball park. So I told him that and while that was marinating, I went to lunch. When I came home after my friend has mentioned that she thought I might be cooking something... ie: a fetus; I took a pregnancy test and after literally 25 sec after my urine hit the stick it told me that yup I was def cooking! 1 4 letter word left my lips... F-U-*-K , I couldn't get an annulment anymore. I had to get a family law attorney and get divorced & I was going to forever be tied to this dipshit (im pro-life). GRRRReat & Not like Tony the Tiger GRRRReat either.

So now lets FF 7 1/2-8 months... OKAY! [[Now remember Mister Wonderful (MW) left me at 13wks preggers]]

Here are some Prime examples of "pregnant brain" :

Example 1: Real Brain: I wanted an annulment, I wanted out. I was through with that one-sided, shit-bag marriage. I had better relationships in school then with him.
Pregnant Brain: (after seeing the baby for the 1st time) Even though your a shit bag lets try make this work.

Example 2: Real Brain: Your husband walks out on you while you are 13wks pregnant, you do what any normal woman does... go see an attorney and get the ball rolling on divorce. So I did. She advised me to wait till the baby was born because of child support and custody hearing and to just do it all at once. So I did.
Pregnant Brain: He calls and says hes sorry for leaving & that he loves me. I put away all the divorcee papers and say "its okay, you're doing what's best for this family" [WTF]

Example 3: Real Brain: I knew what a shit bag he was. He was not "my prince" he was not this sweet kind loving MAN. He once left me alone for hours on end while on vacation in MO to go gamble. < Not a good guy.
Pregnant Brain: I wrote [a blog] about how wonderful he was and how I had found my forever, my prince and blah blah blah bullshit-- I was 8.5 mons pregnant.

Example 4: Real Brain: I DID NOT want him present for the birth. I had told him this numerous times on the phone. I told everyone this. But b/c I was HUGE and pregnant no one listened to me.
Pregnant Brain: He showed up. I was happy. I was hooked up to monitors they showed the truth. my blood pressure shoot threw the roof and the baby's went down. I wrote in my blog how over joyed I was. I was lying. In actuality I was pissed. I had a Plan with my mom and aunt all ready and he ruined it. DIDNT WANT HIM THERE. But the pregnant brain said "its okay" He just got in the way, He didn't help.

I only gave 4 examples but I mean as I was reading these I was just laughing b/c I had divorce papers by 13 weeks pregnant but I am reading blogs I wrote at 7-8 mons along and its talking about how I miss him and love him & how things are going to work and how great he is no matter how bad everyone says he is and I was blown away!

I never believed it when I heard about it while I was pregnant, I laughed actually; but now looking back I guess it really does exist. I guess you really do and say things that you would never do/say when you're sane/not pregnant. I guess it has to do with the influx of hormones in your body.

It really makes me laugh when I think of the LARGE number of pregnant friends I have now. Be cautious ladies. "Pregnant Brain" does exist. My old blogs are testament to that.

I am thinking of getting rid of them. Its embarrassing, not so much the blogs, but, that I was ever with him. Now I need a stiff drink and its only 9am. Oh sheeish. This is what happens when you spend your days cooped up with a toddler. But thats another blog for another day.

Thx for sticking with me [us]


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