Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"Letter to Me"

A while ago [probably about a yr] I saw a few people do something similar to this & as I was laying in bed this yesterday AM; I woke up @ 750 - 10 minutes before E & was just thinking when I heard "Letter to Me" by Brad Paisley. I then thought how much easier college and the year following would have been if I would have had a letter to myself telling me what to expect. I start grad school in EXACTLY ONE WEEK & I find myself wishing I knew what to expect. Hindsight is 20/20- So here is a letter guiding me through my FIRST 4 years of college and the year leading me to present day & GRADUATE school. I am going to be brutally honest with myself. This is probably one of the most honest posts I will ever write. Bare with me.



...

Dear 18 Year Old KS,

You made the right decision by walking away from him. Keep walking and don't look back. He's not right for you. You think you want to spend forever with him, but you can't even trust him. He will be the reason you and your dad's family won't speak for over 4 months & you won't know about Alicia being pregnant. Focus on your freshman year, make friends. Don't focus on him. Don't come home every chance you get, temping as it may be. It's very self destructive. You will get pregnant, by him & then have a late term miscarriage. Stay up at college, have fun. spare the heartache.

Marines are hawt, YES. Fun to party with, YES. Good friends, yes. Great penpals, def. Good boyfriends- No way. They will break your heart. Each & everyone of them. I know it is going to seem like you're a magnet for them that they are around EVERY corner you turn- but you need to some how break the trend, stop turning the corners & your head. There is one Marine, in particular who is going to shred your heart & the worst part? You left him. Years later you won't even remember why, but you will still think about. It was bad.

The boys won't be your only heartbreaks. The girl(s) you meet will break your heart even worse. They are not solely to blame, you had your hand in the ending of friendship(s) and the mudslinging too, but somethings you couldn't control. Sex is not a game, although she (they) thought it was. You weren't clear on your feelings for him b/c you were scared you hadn't felt that way since J. Don't be scared. Don't let that happen. Be open & honest. Don't let her stand in your way. She will have a way of getting in your way. If you become happy & she isn't she will find a way to make you unhappy. If she doesn't like what guy you're with or she does like him she will do what it takes so you don't have him anymore. Beware. She isn't all bad but she also isn't all that good; For you. You can certainly find a better friend.

Don't fight over petty things with your friend of 18+ yrs. Go make up. Your in a fight right now. Go say your sorry and get ice cream. Have a girls day of shopping. Just make up. She will one day be your daughters GodMother & a damn good one. She is a great friend and you know. You will need her the most when you're in a fight, so don't fight with her. It really is simple. Hug her a lot & tell her she is your BFF. Don't take her for granted, ever. Before you know it you won't be with in driving distance anymore & you will miss her.

Concentrate on your studies. I know that this is cliche, but its is so true. You are smart & know what you are doing PR is right up your ally. You don't NEED to go out if you have a paper or test due or even if you have an early AM class the next day. Your social standing will not be ruined if you say "NO" once or twice. Thats what the weekend is for, Trust me. You will wish one day that your GPA is better & that you read that chapter for the popquiz.

Don't stress out too much pretty girl. You will have some hurdles but you will graduate in 4 years. There will be some [crazy] bumps in the road, don't let that detour you; You just need to look inside and find your determination. You will get there don't worry.

You have always wanted to be a wife and mother. You got the wife part for a very short time. Not even for 6 months & to the very, very wrong man. But b/c of him you got your daughter. She is your life.

After you have been out of college for about a year you will feel lost and unsure about your life & your daughter will help you find yourself. She will help you find your "calling" b/c its not what you get your bachelors in. You will make a huge decision and move, that turns out to be for the best. You decide to go to graduate school in PA. Moving in with your boyfriend and his family [temporarily] Your little family becomes your life.

Your classes will be at night so you can continue to be a SAHM during the day. You will love the sound of your toddler playing and laughing, toddling though the house. Silence will make you wonder what's going on. Wow Wow Wubbzy adding to the noise level as you unload & reload the dishwasher while your toddler eats her breakfast & milk in the AM, while your coffee brews is all but exciting but its the life you love. The life you wouldn't trade for anything

But, you will have days, when your toddler won't listen, you have a lot of HW, the potty training seems to be too much to do on your own, your boyfriend is still just that- your boyfriend, he isn't at home to deal with the mundane crap, like the never ending laundry dishes or toys always EVERYWHERE. You could just use a break, from well LIFE, b/c it just doesn't seem to be enough. You're going to want more, you look around and want more then what you have, but you're going to be living on one income & have student loans to cover your private school education.

There will be days that you're going to cry in the shower, b/c you're going wish that you nvr married "him" b/c you wanted to have the career that came with the degree, the freedom that came with being childless, you see what your friends have. You want the ability to go shopping for that swanky new outfit or those trendy new shoes when you want them instead of saving for diapers or clothes for your daughter b/c your child grows so damn fast it blows your mind. But then, she will say mama and you will snap out of it and realize you got everything you wanted: The boy Man of your dreams that even in a hurry never forgets to give you a kiss before he leaves for work in the AM & calls your everyday during his lunch even if its just for minute. The beautiful child who is perfect in every way. The home. The multiple degrees. You might not have gotten it in the traditional manner but you got it. Just wait & your boyfriend will be ore then just your boyfriend.

...

If I would have had this when I started my undergrad life would have been easier. I don't have a manual or letter for when I start grad school in a week [7days]. I am going in blind. My life is 100% different & my priorities are different. I am hoping that this time around I will have a better experience.

**If you could write a letter to yourself- how old would you be & what would you say?**

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Only [5days] till the reveal of the new NAME & Design for the blog yall. Erin @ MyWayThisTime has been working really hard, or hardly working? To make this great. Hmm. JK. We shall see come Monday, Jan 25. I can't wait!
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-Kelli-Sue

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Some people would kill for the wonderful boyfriend & daughter.

Katie said...

Wow. That's really powerful and very well-written. I'm going to have to write me one of these!

Erin said...

PS When that outgoing girl in your Communications class asks about your Marine sweatshirt, talk to her. You'll become great friends.


Oh wait... that really happened. ;) Lovely letter lady.