Friday, January 15, 2010

"Beautiful does NOT come in a size"

Photo courtesy sungazing via Flickr.

Lauren over @ BusyBeeLauren wrote a blog a few days ago about having body image issues [BII].

To be honest, I don't know a woman who doesn't have them. I think every woman has something they don't [fully] like about their body, from one time or another. I KNOW I DO.

There were a few parts that stood out at me, this one part in particular:

"I have people tell me, "you are so thin!" but i look in the mirror and very literally see a fat girl staring back at me. it's weird though, because I see such beautiful women who might weigh a lot more than me, but i think they look amazing and gorgeous!"

Lauren is a beautiful woman in my opinion, but it doesn't matter what I think, she needs to feel it herself. Just like my mom, boyfriend, friends, random people can tell me how beautiful I am but until I look at myself and feel it, it is just words, VERY NICE WORDS, but words none the less, from other people.

I am a very petite woman @ only 5'0- 5'1. I weigh 120lbs, it took me a staggering 19mons to get to that weight from 185lbs.

I got up to 187.5 the day I gave birth. Now you say well KS you were pregnant. Yes I was, but to that I say I ONLY gained 35lbs. Before I got pregnant I had put on a lot of weight. I was in an unhealthy relationship.

I was a dancer for most of my life [18+yrs]. Whether it be ballet, jazz, lyrical, pointe, tap, I even tried my had at hip-hop; No matter what it was I was always moving. That helped keep me in shape but I always thought I was fat, no matter what. I was always trying to loose weight. I always wanted to look like "Her". "She" was so thin. I danced well into college, so when I gained the aforementioned weight, my BII were worse then ever.

I had been successful on WeightWatchers in the past so I joined when I had gained & wasn't loosing, I was gaining, slowly. What was wrong with this picture? I was sticking to the plan.

I WAS PREGNANT. While pregnant I stayed healthy & gained as directed by my doctor. I not only gained weight but the ever feared stretch marks [SM].

Anyone who knows me or knew me back in 2006 [I was 20], when I was at my smallest of 115-117 & my fittest, I was going to the gym 5 days a week, I was dancing 4 hrs a week in a ballet class, a 90 min pointe class & 2 other class knows I was "proud" of my accomplishment [yet still thought I could loose 5 more lbs].

So those SM were devastating. But I knew that I wanted to try to be thin again so I set a goal. I wasn't going to let anything/one stand in my way.

I knew what worked for ME. I wanted to be healthy again & lets face it being 185 and at 5'1 thats not healthy.

I had a hearty goal ahead of me: 65lbs. But as I lost it, I talked about it, I celebrated it, b/c thats what you do! Be happy celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how big or small.

Here another part of her blog that stuck out at me:

"So yes, I am losing weight. and yes, it might seem like a lot to some people. And yes, some people might be mad that I am openly discussing my weight loss, but it is all because I want to feel better about myself."

Thats what its about people. If it makes YOU feel better about YOURSELF to talk about TALK. Loosing weight is a HARD thing to do so when it is achieved I say SHOUT it from the rooftops!!

It took me 20 months to come to terms with my SM and realize they are no big deal. THEY ARE HERE TO STAY. I will NEVER be a size 2. I am happy at my size 6. Sometimes I can fit into a 4, thats RARE, but I am happy. I am healthy.

I DON'T want my daughter to grow-up in a house thinking she has to be a STICK to be beautiful. I don't want her to have the same BII I had growing up, ALWAYS thinking she needs to loose weight.

I am 23 years old & I am not saying that I will look in the mirror and never think to myself oh I need to loose x# of lbs but I think I have finally come to a point in my life where I have learned how to feel beautiful & how to teach my daughter what beautiful is, despite what America says what beautiful is.

BEAUTIFUL doesn't come in a size. BEAUTIFUL is all in how you carry yourself. BEAUTIFUL is how you feel in your own skin.

(as long as its healthy!)



Have a good weekend yall.




Nicole said...

Great blog. I've lost 45lbs (and counting) and I work out 5 days a week. I'm heavier than most people, but I'm HEALTHY and I LOVE it.

Jessica said...

thanks Kelli!

BB! said...

I remember watching you go through all of it. Definitely heart breaking. And I remember when you told me and your mom that no man would want you because you had an "insta-family, stretch marks, etc."

:-) Can I say I told you so? Or is that too bratty? And if I do say it, do I still get baked goods? These are very important factors. LOL.


(bout' damn time!)


The Urban Cowboy said...

I never feel beautiful...guess it's cuz I'm a guy!

Erin said...

I remember how you felt during that time. I was there when you were at your heaviest, though I don't think I ever saw you at your lightest. Congrats girl! I'm glad you're finally down to your goal weight and happy.

I lost 20 lbs when I quit my old job. I never really thought of myself has needing to lose weight, until I did and looked back at pictures. I'm like holy crap, why didn't anyone tell me I was so heavy?! It's all in my face and chest. (You think my boobs are big now, they were HUGE back then.) I didn't even intentionally lose weight, I've just been trying to eat better. Now I get comments from family and friends telling me I'm so skinny. I feel better, but I'd like to tone up more. But like you said, there will always be things women would like to "work on." :)