Friday, January 15, 2010

"Beautiful does NOT come in a size"



Photo courtesy sungazing via Flickr.

Lauren over @ BusyBeeLauren wrote a blog a few days ago about having body image issues [BII].

To be honest, I don't know a woman who doesn't have them. I think every woman has something they don't [fully] like about their body, from one time or another. I KNOW I DO.

There were a few parts that stood out at me, this one part in particular:

"I have people tell me, "you are so thin!" but i look in the mirror and very literally see a fat girl staring back at me. it's weird though, because I see such beautiful women who might weigh a lot more than me, but i think they look amazing and gorgeous!"

Lauren is a beautiful woman in my opinion, but it doesn't matter what I think, she needs to feel it herself. Just like my mom, boyfriend, friends, random people can tell me how beautiful I am but until I look at myself and feel it, it is just words, VERY NICE WORDS, but words none the less, from other people.

I am a very petite woman @ only 5'0- 5'1. I weigh 120lbs, it took me a staggering 19mons to get to that weight from 185lbs.

I got up to 187.5 the day I gave birth. Now you say well KS you were pregnant. Yes I was, but to that I say I ONLY gained 35lbs. Before I got pregnant I had put on a lot of weight. I was in an unhealthy relationship.

I was a dancer for most of my life [18+yrs]. Whether it be ballet, jazz, lyrical, pointe, tap, I even tried my had at hip-hop; No matter what it was I was always moving. That helped keep me in shape but I always thought I was fat, no matter what. I was always trying to loose weight. I always wanted to look like "Her". "She" was so thin. I danced well into college, so when I gained the aforementioned weight, my BII were worse then ever.

I had been successful on WeightWatchers in the past so I joined when I had gained & wasn't loosing, I was gaining, slowly. What was wrong with this picture? I was sticking to the plan.

I WAS PREGNANT. While pregnant I stayed healthy & gained as directed by my doctor. I not only gained weight but the ever feared stretch marks [SM].

Anyone who knows me or knew me back in 2006 [I was 20], when I was at my smallest of 115-117 & my fittest, I was going to the gym 5 days a week, I was dancing 4 hrs a week in a ballet class, a 90 min pointe class & 2 other class knows I was "proud" of my accomplishment [yet still thought I could loose 5 more lbs].

So those SM were devastating. But I knew that I wanted to try to be thin again so I set a goal. I wasn't going to let anything/one stand in my way.

I knew what worked for ME. I wanted to be healthy again & lets face it being 185 and at 5'1 thats not healthy.

I had a hearty goal ahead of me: 65lbs. But as I lost it, I talked about it, I celebrated it, b/c thats what you do! Be happy celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how big or small.

Here another part of her blog that stuck out at me:

"So yes, I am losing weight. and yes, it might seem like a lot to some people. And yes, some people might be mad that I am openly discussing my weight loss, but it is all because I want to feel better about myself."

Thats what its about people. If it makes YOU feel better about YOURSELF to talk about TALK. Loosing weight is a HARD thing to do so when it is achieved I say SHOUT it from the rooftops!!


It took me 20 months to come to terms with my SM and realize they are no big deal. THEY ARE HERE TO STAY. I will NEVER be a size 2. I am happy at my size 6. Sometimes I can fit into a 4, thats RARE, but I am happy. I am healthy.

I DON'T want my daughter to grow-up in a house thinking she has to be a STICK to be beautiful. I don't want her to have the same BII I had growing up, ALWAYS thinking she needs to loose weight.

I am 23 years old & I am not saying that I will look in the mirror and never think to myself oh I need to loose x# of lbs but I think I have finally come to a point in my life where I have learned how to feel beautiful & how to teach my daughter what beautiful is, despite what America says what beautiful is.

BEAUTIFUL doesn't come in a size. BEAUTIFUL is all in how you carry yourself. BEAUTIFUL is how you feel in your own skin.

DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL TODAY!
(as long as its healthy!)

Tell me WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL?



...

Have a good weekend yall.

-Kelli-Sue

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5 comments:

Nicole said...

Great blog. I've lost 45lbs (and counting) and I work out 5 days a week. I'm heavier than most people, but I'm HEALTHY and I LOVE it.

Jessica said...

thanks Kelli!

BB! said...

I remember watching you go through all of it. Definitely heart breaking. And I remember when you told me and your mom that no man would want you because you had an "insta-family, stretch marks, etc."

:-) Can I say I told you so? Or is that too bratty? And if I do say it, do I still get baked goods? These are very important factors. LOL.

I'M GLAD YOU FINALLY SEE YOURSELF & YOU'RE HAPPY!

(bout' damn time!)

<3

The Urban Cowboy said...

I never feel beautiful...guess it's cuz I'm a guy!

Erin said...

I remember how you felt during that time. I was there when you were at your heaviest, though I don't think I ever saw you at your lightest. Congrats girl! I'm glad you're finally down to your goal weight and happy.

I lost 20 lbs when I quit my old job. I never really thought of myself has needing to lose weight, until I did and looked back at pictures. I'm like holy crap, why didn't anyone tell me I was so heavy?! It's all in my face and chest. (You think my boobs are big now, they were HUGE back then.) I didn't even intentionally lose weight, I've just been trying to eat better. Now I get comments from family and friends telling me I'm so skinny. I feel better, but I'd like to tone up more. But like you said, there will always be things women would like to "work on." :)