"Dear..."

Dear Millstone Coffee ,

You are my favorite [home] brand of coffee, you're delish, hot or cold. When I first moved to PA you were not avaliable up here, so I forced down drank another brand until my wonderful mom mailed me some from home. Then to my SURPRISE I found you at my local market. I hoarded bought 3 bags. As of Sunday it was all gone & I am again not able to find you anywhere. I have made pleas to have some sent to me. PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS SO HARD ON ME.

In Need of an intervention-
Coffee Addict

---

Dear Mother Nature,

Please decide- HOT or COLD. Wet or Dry. Srsly. My aching body can't handle the constant changes. One day its in the 40's and rainy and then it's 80 and sunny? WTH. I prefer the latter, if you care. Also when it's all rainy and gross the satellite gets all screwy and I miss my shows! PRIORITIES. duh.

Annoyed-
Southerner who mistakenly Flew North

---

Dear Hoity-Toity Woman who eavesdropped,

You now think I am a less mother b/c I didn't breastfeed. You also thought it okay to tell me that. SHAME on you. You didn't bother to ask me why I was unable to. The fact that I couldn't made my PPD even worse because I beat myself up about it. You must be think you're one hell of a mother, to be able to talk down to a complete stranger the way you did. I hope one day I can be as perfect as you someone puts you in your place.

Embarrassed for you-
Mother of a PERFECT, HAPPY & HEALTHY 2 y/o

---

Dear iPod,

Hey there old guy. And by OLD, I mean 4th gen. old. Please don't die on me, anytime soon. I don't need a fancy iPod, I have iPhone that does the fancy work. I just need you to play music in my car (and be my contacts back-up for iPhone & Mac), I don't ask much of you. My OLD shuffle plays music for me when I am on the run & don't want to drain iPhone's battery. The only time you leave my car is for a quick update. I would be lost w/out you but I don't & won't have the funds to replace you anytime soon, so please stop scaring me like you have been lately.

Thanks-
Your loving owner


---

Dear Skin,

I have been tanning you for 2 mons now & you look fab. I love the color you have acquired, we're almost to where we were back in '06 when we were tanning 6 days a week and out in the sun 7. I have just canceled my 'membership' as we are moving back to FL (squee!). Please in the 1ish month that we're not tanning [in a bed] please dont loose this beautiful color we've acquired. I don't want to start from scratch when we arrive in FL, okay? If you're good to me I'll be good to you. Its a give & take here.

Surprisingly [& lovingly],
A Tan IRISH girl

---

Dear True Religion Outlet,

I am coming for you this weekend. Have good deals or else. I've been waiting for a long time to make it out to you.

LOTS of LOVE,
A BIG fan of a Girl who REALLY wants a pair of TR jeans!!!

...

I have ALOT of lesson plans to wrap-up this weekend. I say that every week it seems. Ah the joys of getting my Masters in Early Childhood Development & Special Education. Although I had an epiphany last night-- More on this Monday!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Something I Always Have..."

I love my purse ALL purses. My loving fiance, M, doesn't get the need to buy numerous bags. If you have ONE then your set. He has ONE wallet. That I got him well over a yr ago, before that he had had it for MANY of yrs and it was ratty and FALLING apart.

This is the new bag I have been carrying, on & off since Christmas. I got it from my parents. Of course I'm in love w.it not only b/c its a LIMITED EDITION, but b/c its GIGANTIC.

Being a mother I need a lot of room. Yes I carry [this] as my diaper bag. But for quick trips its just my MONSTROSITY of a purse.

Many of people wonder just what's in the depths of my purse? Well b/c I love your faces so much this is a list of the supplies I need to surive stuff that can be found in my duffle purse:

• My wallet. I'm a big fan of this wallet ; I snagged this off eBay, for super cheap, thats where I get most of my VB. (I put my lipgloss/chapsticks where they have a cell pictured)
• This smaller 'wallet'. It holds various gift cards M & I received as a couple or individually @ Christmas/Birthday. Seeing as we only shop/eat out together in my purse they go.
• A small make-up bag. It has the necessities- a compact, a few eyeshadows that match EVERYTHING, eyeliner, mascara, bronzer, concealer, blush, gloss.
• Hairties (mine & E's).
• A pack of gum.
• Various pens.
• A USB flashdrive & my oldschool iPod Shuffle (i hate the color pink but at the time, purple was not an option).
• My car keys.
• A lint roller- travel sized in purse- (full sized in car).
• Sunglasses.
• A pacifier. Sometimes more then one. (maybe a sippie cup if we're running out- ive also found a random E sock too!)
• Lotion, Hairspray, Hand Sanitizer, Super Glue, Tide To-Go mini.
• Camera (point & click).
• Small Umbrella.
• Tanning Lotion (for face) & 'eye-wear'. (my body stuff is in my car)
• Checkbook.
• Various Meds for headaches & migraines.
• Random receipts & paper scraps

Since I've tried to ween off the 'diaperbag' when going on errands (even though its always in the back seat) I find more and more of E's crap stuff, like: sock(s), shoes, sippies, babas, toys, etc. I tried to use a smaller bag... you know less crap. NOPE. It just aggravates me b/c NOTHING fits,


{via}

...

It is National Infertility Awareness Week ... For more information about infertility, please visit www.resolve.org/infertility101 .

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"It's No Secret"

It's No Secret... That I NEED my coffee in the AM.

It's No Secret... That every 6weeks w/o fail (before I moved) you could find me at the salon gossiping w.Mandi w.foils in my hair.

It's No Secret... That every 3.5 weeks I have my kindle or most recent book, my favy OPI nail polish & I politely tell the little Korean guy how I would like my nails filled & I go about reading my book . I am a mother of a toddler I get very little quiet time. I don't feel bad that I don't try to talk to him.

It's No Secret... That I have a HUGE sweet tooth.

It's No Secret...That I am addicted to tanning, in a tanning bed . Sad, I know.

It's No Secret...That I should drink more water & less [diet] soda.

It's No Secret...That I should exercise more.

It's No Secret...That I hate being cold, but always am.

It's No Secret...That I procrastinate like nobody's business.

It's No Secret...That I love doing house work, minus laundry. IDK why, I just hate it.

It's No Secret...I never find anything good when I go thrifting, ever. So I rarely go anymore.

It's No Secret...That I trust too easily. Once you loose that trust, you're SOL, I will never trust you again.

It's No Secret...I am [and always will be] a single mom, even after I am married.

It's No Secret...That I want to be a surrogate.

It's No Secret...I have been thinking about egg donation, still unsure.

It's No Secret...That i've made my fair share of mistakes in life but they've made me who I am today.

It's No Secret...That I am pretty much an open book, about most things.

Until recently I didn't feel the need to hide (or keep anything a secret). For the most part I knew who read my blog.

If you know me IRL you know that I don't feel the need to put on a front. So obvi I dont in here in my small, humble corner of the interwebz? I have even talked about how much I hate how ppl try to come off as 'rockstars' .

I put it all out there b/c I have the best gosh darn reader a gal could ask for! Yall are supportive when I need a shoulder to lean on but yall also give me a good smack too, like any good readers friends would.

When I had anom. commenters I put a stop to them but addressing them publicly in a blog . I also had drama on my Formspring ...I addressed them via Twitter & they stopped.

They have started again. I don't want to have to start censoring my writing. Nor do I feel I should have to answer to bullies who are being cowardly by hiding behind anom. comments.

I am who I am. I am open for the world (ek! Thats kind of a scary thought) to see read about. If you feel the need to be mean, rude or nasty, be so with your name and a link to how I can respond to you via E-Mail or Blog or Don't do so at all and LEAVE MY BLOG.

NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ.

I am a 23 yr old single stay-at-home-mom in graduate school full-time. I am about to make my 3rd move since starting this blog. I am also going to start planing a wedding, mine. My life is not all that exciting, I am sure you can live with out my life's happenings and opinions b/c thats ALL this blog is; MY LIFE & OPINIONS.

I LOVE EACH & EVERY PERSON WHO DECIDES TO READ & COMMENT [maturely] DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

...

I have slowly but surely been putting together my lesson for next week, I am so excited about it! Its about pilgrims. I actually can't wait to teach it. I will be using my inlaws tomorrow night as my "testers".

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Back Below the Mason Dixon"

As promised numerous times last week. -THIS- AND -THIS-

Incase you missed my not so subtle hints, E & I are packing up in the second week of June (right before my 24th bday) and moving back to good ole sunny Florida. If M can find a job before now and Then (please pray) he will be coming too, if not, he will come when he finds one.

If, he stays behind we will A) be in the same predicament we were in last yr (before I moved) B) I will be planning OUR wedding, ALONE till he gets to FL- Why yes I am starting a yr in advance (well not entirely alone b/c I have the BEST MOH and b/f a girl could ask for , but DANG is she busy... like 4 vacays this summer and a class. Goodness- I understand thats just this summer and its going to take about a yr to plan... sry DIGRESSING) & C) E is older now and is going to be conussed wondering "where is my daddy" that MORE THEN anything is going to tear my heart to shreds. They have a bond like no other. It is precious, and it is growing everyday, I would hate for them to loose all that possible bonding time & have to basically have to start all over again when he finally gets to move.

You all are probably asking why we are "relocating"? I just belong in the south. M gets aggravated with me and says "that I didn't give PA a fair chance" oh but I did. He also forgets ever so quickly (when he sees his paychecks) that IT WAS HIS IDEA TO MOVE BACK TO FL AND FOR ME TO TRANSFER TO UCF. I didn't, for one second, think of saying no. I was and obvi still am, ALL for it.

He mentioned it one night when we were laying in bed talking, it was right before spring break. He went as far as finding apts he liked and begged [yes begged] me to go look at them while I was home. I did. I also had an apt with some higher ups at UCF in Masters dept for Ex.Ed. to find out if the classes I have taken will actually transfer, they will. Thats what sealed the deal. I am currently at a private college and I am paying 3xs as much for classes here then I would at UCF so if UCF wouldn't except my classes, I wouldn't transfer. I can't afford to just throw that much money and time away.

I love Ms family, so much. But outside of his family I know all of 2 people up here. The ladies in my classes, are all very busy women (yes women, I am the YOUNGEST in all of my classes... Im 23 yrs old) The average age of the women in my classes is 36. That aint no thang but they either A) work full time and have a billion kids at home or B) stay-at-home with their billion kids and live too far away to be able to feasibly get together before having to pick-up their offsprings up from school.

Then theres the "rude northerners" I have met very few of this type but theres always one or two. Lemme tell you SHE IS HEINOUS.

So needless to say: I am lonely. I am engaged to my bestfriend (thats every girls dream- when I don't want to rip his head off), I have a terrific daughter, who I couldn't live w.o, I love watching her grow & learn, everyday. But I have never been as lonely as I am now.

In FL I didn't have alot of friends but I don't need a lot of friends, the ones I have are the greatest friends anyone could ask for. My bestfriend is a short 2 hr drive away and I knew I could pack up and go stay with her for a few days if I needed to. I miss seeing her a few times a month. I haven't seen her since March (okay its been a month but feels sooo much longer!). Not only that but I have my family. I am [so] close to my family.

I go to church w.my Gran & Papa EVERY Sunday (E loves the nursery she grts to play w.her church buds and sometimes her cousin Luke), I miss my church family. I love them just as much. I grew-up in that church and I want the same for my daughter. I am about traditions. Aside from church once or twice a month my gran cooks sunday dinner and my dads entire family goes over and we all catch-up and visit. When I was little it was every sunday but as my Gran has gotten older she does it less, but I miss it & feel as If I am missing out on so much of my families lives and almost as if Im not even a part anymore. I have no idea what is going on with everyone, b/c I am not there and I (as sad as this is, I rarely talk to my dad & when I do he doesn't know whats going on). My cousin Danielle and I used to be close but in the last yr or so we have drifted, I want to work on that.

My sister, Destiny, is now 10... good gracious! and my niece, MG, is 5. The thought of anymore time passing and us (my little family) not being there as they grow-up kills me- and them not there as is E growing IS already breaking my heart. E is in what I like to call the "weeds" stage... bc she is growing so durn fast & my family is missing it.

Family is important. I know how I grew up, I want that for E.

I also have some medical issues to get worked out ASAP.

Someone asked me if I am ashamed about going home. Like I failed up here. Guess what? I DIDN'T FAIL. I have straight A's- I am doing great in gradschool. That is why I moved, for school & I will continue when I get back to FL, at UCF. Therefore I DID NOT FAIL. I am not ashamed that I am coming home. I will not be living at home [thank goodness], I more then likely be renting a house near my mom, we are close I don't want to get too far away, plus she has the pool, lake/boat/jetskiis & swingset in her back yard.

I have more then just myself to lookout for and when I am not 100% then E is not 100% either. She deserves to have the best of me. I am sick of being lonely. I am sick of being miserable. I am sick of being 5lbs heavier then I was back in dec- I worked my ass off to loose all my weight, I am up 5lbs and can't seem to drop it. I am sick of feeling this way.

This move has sprung up a lot of arguments between M and I but thats how it is going to be when you are with someone who is from a different state. When we started dating we never thought it would go anywhere, here we are almost 2 yrs later and we're about to start planning our wedding. We never talked about or thought out the two different states thing. I tried, I am not happy. He loved FL, to me it seems easy. Apparently its not.

I made my decision, it was HIS IDEA. Maybe he could tell I was unhappy, maybe he knows me that well. I thought I was hiding it well. Whatever the case may be, in one month I will be packing- again and in 41ish days I will be moving back 'home'.

The details on how this move is going to happen have not yet been set in stone but I am sure as they unfold yall will be some of the first ones to know, b/c well I love your faces.

Thank you for all your support when I made the decision to pack-up my life and move , just b/c I am moving back does not mean I am going back to the way things were before. I am going to continue on this path. Everything will be new and different. It will be another NEW CHAPTER.

...

It is National Infertility Awareness Week ... For more information about infertility, please visit www.resolve.org/infertility101 .

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Not Me Monday"

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. You can also check out Hailey @ Be Serious & see what she has not been up too.


- I did not cook the MOST AMAZING chicken tortilla soup for dinner this weekend. It was fab. M had 3 bowls for dinner and some for lunch on Sunday. Yah It was THAT good.

-I did not get STUCK behind a garage truck on a ONE WAY street for over 25mins. (Thx for taking your time guys) That WOULD NEVER happen to me. B/c I would never be on THAT street going to the post office b/c thats not even on the way, apparently. Thanks GPS.

-I did not think it would be a good idea to 'bake' cookies with little E and by bake cookies I mean let her taste the dough. Now all weekend she was begging me to "Make cookies Mommy! Make cookiesssss!!!!!" I did not create a monster. LoL

-I did not have mt 1st ever blogger/twitter MEETUP Sat and LOVE IT!! Rachael & I met up @ King of Prussia mall and had lunch and walked around for a few hrs. Miss E got a big girl hair cut & Rachael and I got our share of walking in.. oh boy did we ever!! haha. We did NOT get lost trying to find the crosswalk. That would never happen to two ppl that have been to the mall numerous times. Ha!

-I did not lay in bed and read, the last book by NS that I have not yet read (soo wonderful) while E & M napped yesterday instead of doing laundry. I am now wishing I would have done the exact opposite. I have prolly 3 loads to do!!

-I did not srsly threaten the lives of DirectTV employees last night as I kept loosing satellite signal during Desperate Housewives. Lord help them if it would have happened during Army Wives. So what if there was a horrible Thunder Storm. Doesn't mother nature know about MY TV schedule?!

-I did not drive around O.V. for 10 mins this AM looking for a gas station (i didn't find one before I had to be at the elementary school), cursing at myself for leaving my coffee o the kitchen table. 6 classes of 23+ 1st graders w.o coffee- Oh lord help me. not to mention THEY WERE WIRED... today was their "earth day celebration!".

...

It is National Infertility Awareness Week ... For more information about infertility, please visit www.resolve.org/infertility101 .

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Random"

-THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE yesterday. I really do have the best readers. I got beautiful comments, IMs & EMails. I love your faces soo much. I wish I could hug every single one of you.

-I hate when someone is presenting to the class and they say "UM" EVERY OTHER WORD... WE ARE IN GRADUATE SCHOOL. Get your shit together sweetie.

-Theres ALOT of new(er) music I want. Anyone want to donate to the "Kelli's iTunes Fund"?-- It started out as SONGS then I go and listen to the artists albums that the respective songs are on & its over... but I need to save my $ for my move (and hopefully the house- more on this next wk. PROMISE).

-My coffee this AM is really strong but in a good way.

-M is driving me nuts. Like in I want to rip is off kind of way.

-I have been adding alot of pictures to my Flickr b/c I am going to be DELETING my MySpace within the next week. I havn't been on in months & when I tried to get on yesterday it took forever. What a pain.

-E has serious listening problems. Im sure that goes along with being 2, but its B.A.D. I think she drives me soo nuts b/c we are so much a like. Shes just a not so muchsmaller [younger] version. I do feel like I am looking at myself a lot of the time. Ah Karma.

-Remember how giving E oral meds was bad? Well she has allergies & needs eye drops... OMG I have to lay her on the floor, then basically lay on top of her to hold her down. I weigh 97lbs more then her this should be easy, right? WRONG! IDK how she got so dang strong. I dread doing it, but I know her eyes feel better when we play outside & SHE GETS A TREAT when we're done b/c bribery is key I feel bad.

-I laugh at inappropriate times. I did it yesterday numerous times, I felt bad, kinda. I think I do it when I am anxious, I should really actually take my xanex (regularly) and talk to my GP about refills.

-When I get back to the SUNSHINE STATE I am going to need a new GP b/c my old GP is only taking medicare patients now. "Its better for his business" Nice. I have been seeing him since I was 20 I do believe. Gah.

-I have decided (with help from GodMommy Hayls & Nana) that E's FIRST movie theater movie will be on June 18th (the day after MY bday) for TS3 -- Pending she still likes the movie. I mean the "Nemo" Phase seemed to last FOREVER but I look back now and it wasn't so long, and was quickly passed up for TS2 (she is not interested in TS1).

-I am making Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner tonight, for the FIRST time. I hope its good. M seems to really like my cooking, which is a plus.

-I need my child to be potty trained. WTH. She was all about the potty. Then she got sick. Now she won't go near the potty. I am not one to force something on my child & I know she is only 24mons old, but when she was using the potty before she was 2. We have digressed! Her ped said "its normal when a child gets sick to digress, she will go back to it in time" Well I want it to "be time" already. I am sick of ordering diapers off Diapers.com or seeing them on my grocery list (when I dont order in time). Just plain sick. I shouldn't complain, I really shouldn't. I just don't know what to do. This is so petty. Im done now. --EDIT: Tonight E told me for the 1st time since she was 19mon that she had to go potty & went on the potty. Thank you for all your prayers/suggestions we MIGHT be back on the potty-training band wagon, I will have to see how the next few days go. I left it alone, like her ped suggested & she came to me all on her own. END EDIT--

-I need to re-evaluate some things in my life, I feel outta sorts & when I am out of sorts so is E.

...

Have a great weekend--Don't forget National Infertility Awareness Week starts tomorrow, April 24 and runs through May 1.

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Internal Struggle"

Have you ever faced many internal struggles, so many you laid in bed at night thinking about them. Praying, almost begging for answers. You felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders when it shouldn't be that hard?

I am at a crossroads right now.

I feel that somethings in a persons life should be kept private. Although I have some of the best, most faithful readers, I need to figure some things out so if you notice a shift in my postings, don't be alarmed.

I am trying to figure "It" out.

I am NOT going on another Hiatus, I will still be posting regularly but there might be a "shift" in my "attitude"

When I am ready I am going to come to yall and ASK for your help... and mostly support.

Thank you for your trust and support.

I love you all to the moon!

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo
-Kandid Kelli

"Be Educated"

Katie is someone whom I have never actually met in person. I feel as If I have, through our email exchanges, [brief] txts and blog comments to each other. She is one of the strongest people I "know".

Her story has touched me soo deeply. No, not b/c I am infertile. For those who have been reading my blog know that I conceived E, unplanned. I can't really put into words why she has touched me as she has, but I know why in my heart.

A few minutes ago she posted [this]... I can barely see the screen as the tears are rolling down my checks.

Infertility is real. There is no QUICK or EASY fix. It doesn't just effect "older" women/men. Theres no rhyme or reason.

BE EDUCATED!

National Infertility Awareness Week is April 24–May 1.

I got these links from Katie:

For more information about infertility, please visit www.resolve.org/infertility101. To learn more about National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), go to www.resolve.org/takecharge. And to see how "Project IF" started, check out www.stirrup-queens.com/2010/04/bloggers-unite-project-if.

"Wordless Wednesday"

With a few words...

We got Es Two yr pics FINALLY taken this past sunday (as well as some fam shots).

To my dismay when I was calling around to schedule them Kiddie Kandids, where her 3,6,9 & 12 mon pics were shot had closed their doors. I LOVED the quality of their photos (as well as their prices). We were usually in & out in about an hr and the service was great.

Since they were OOB I had to go else where. I had heard great things about THE PICTURE PEOPLE & I knew JCP was great. I finally decided on TPP.

NEVER AGAIN. Worst experience of my, M & Es life.
-She couldn't get E to smile. I have never jumped, joked and wiggled so much in my life. She was DULLCITY.
-M & E were in white they gave us a white background- seriously?! Im not in the biz & I know better. Try black, please. They only have the two colors too. Black or white.
-After the shoot they said our photos would be ready for viewing in 15. We came back in 20. NO ONE WAS IN THE STORE! NO ONE. We waited for over 25mins before we saw life & had to wait 15MORE mins before we were even spoken too.
-Then the 'sales girl' flew through the 'packages' HOLY EXPENSIVE. I had a coupon but I couldn't use it with a package or blahblah ended up getting some sheets. She ended up not knowing what she was doing.

-2 HOURS later... we left to go to lunch. E was in a terrible mood and lunch was miserable, we rarely go out to eat and the one time we did it was miserable b/c out toddler was not happy from getting her pics taken.

GOOD THING ES GODMOTHER & MY BEST IS AN AMAZING PHOTOG!

"Groundhog's Day"

"Mama...meme up...Mama... Ma!!!" That is usually what resonates from the monitor anywhere from 630-715, Daily. Without fail. I grumble something to Matt, if he is still in bed, he asks me what I just said. But it doesn't matter, I roll [literally] out of bed and go stumbling, stomping bounding into E's room, with a smile, like ive been waiting awake, for her to wake up.

As soon as I touch the handle on her door I know if I walk in there w.anything BUT a smile we will have a bad day. My attitude, first thing in the AM sets the tone for the whole day. Don't get me wrong, I AM NOT CHIPPER in the morning, nor am I HAPPY to be awake. But I do want to have a positive, happy, fun day. Also E is the happiest she is going to be ALL day first thing in the AM. She has just gotten anywhere from 10.5-12 hrs of sleep! How can I not smile when I see her, full of smiles?!

I change her, we are STILL NOT potty trained. [I hope that when we move back to FL in June, things will be a little easier, as we will be in our own place and not living w/grandparents- yes I am moving back- thats a whole different post] I am also not really in a rush, I have learned that there is no rush to force her to do anything, when she does it on her own, she is far more successful. I digress.

Then we get a cup of milk and go snuggle in my room. We usually watch one of her TV shows on DVD- then when snuggle time is over, she takes her "baba"(pacifier) and squirt (her ratty 2y/o pinkish elephant) back to her room & we venture out to the kitchen for breakfast.

Being the hard headed independent child she is, she insists on deciding on her breakfast and THEN she picks if she wants to sit in "boos chair" (the high chair) or her booster seat. All the while this decision process is occurring, I am prepping the coffee maker to hit the "ON" button. I have it down to a science and can get this done in the time it takes my 2 y/o to make her decisions & still have control over the situation in the kitchen. Groggy or not. I. AM. GOOD.

Once she has made her final decision I sit next to her and I check the interwebz and drink that magical potion I just concocted a few minutes prior...COFFEE. Once my child has eaten picked at her food enough to satisfy me. Off she & her sippy cup go! and Goes and goes until 1030/45 and then thats Nap #1.

During her nap I: try and get as much school work done, laundry (ours and hers... separate loads), Dishes, and misc. straightening up/ things that need to be done. I also get myself dressed and looking presentable (I shower in the PM). I try and clean-up her disasters but the minute she wakes up she is FULL of energy and ready to destroy. She is like a hurricane or Tornado.

Our afternoons are some what of a whirlwind: (The TV or Radio/CDs is ALWAYS on- I need something other then just toddler babble) wake-up from nap, get her dressed, Lunch, play outside for a few (weather permitting), inside to wind down and have a snack & play. [If I have errands that need to be done they are done during this time- thats rare] Then somewhere between 330/4 is NAP#2... YES I have a 2 naps a day type of kid.

Nap#2 I work on more school work but I like to be selfish [if I can] and catch up on my TV show(s).

As of late my FIL has been getting home around 430/5 so I try more for the 330 lay down, so she gets atleast an hr. -- Wakes up, gets changed. Socks, shoes & a pony and out we go for some more out doors time till dinner.

After the most annoying, oscar award worthy performance & tiring hr of my life dinner, is tubbie time. Usually kiddo takes off like a bat out of hell for the tub or begs during dinner for a tubs, but as of late (I LOVE HAVING A 2y/o) she runs and hides. We play with bubbles and toys in the tub- WE SPLASH. We get our jams on play a little more if she is in the mood we read a book. Then like clockwork she asks for a "cup & nap" she goes and gives nightnight kisses. She still gets some milk b/c of her lack of food consumption & is in bed by no later then 8:10.

From there its mommy & daddy time. U.N.T.I.L she wakes up around 11 or so and I have to go in and console her and make her lay back down. Then I have a love affair with my pillow. Before I know it -- "Mama...meme up...Mama... Ma!!!" is that time, AGAIN? Where did my precious sleep time go?

I realized last week, when I told my bestie , that my week/weekend was mundane [again], I feel as if I am living groundhogs day , there isn't even the slightest variation to my days anymore. I love my daughter and I love that we are blessed enough that I can stay home with her while I am in Grad School. I always said I wanted to stay home with my kids till they were in pre-school. I know children are creatures of routine but hers is so rigid lately that I wonder how that happened?

I never expected being a SAHM to be glamorous but i've been doing it for 2 years now, but more so as of late and SOMETHING has to change & it will but slowly b/c poor girl has had soo many changes, her routine might be her security thing.

When she was smaller, I had her on a feeding/sleeping schedule but NOTHING like this one. It is almost suffocating. I feel as if I somehow slipped and hit the repeat button on the CD player and I am living life on repeat- day in, day out.

You may be on the other side of your computer screen scoffing, thinking "she has it SOOO easy" scoff all you want, until you live it. Not only is the redundancy killing me but so is the loneliness. I may have a partner but I still feel like I do a lot of it alone.

...
Ive gotta go learn about some pilgrims... I don't know as much as I thought. If Im going to be teaching it I need to know it.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Not Me Monday"

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. You can also check out Hailey @ Be Serious & see what she has not been up too.

-I did not cry (silently of course- along with my fellow classmates) in my EARLY LIT class WEDS night when my FAVY prof told us that she was NOT pleased with ANY our LIT PORTFOLIO'S & that they needed to be redone. Said LP DID NOT take me TWO FULL wks to complete & I was proud of it and turned it in with pride. Ha.

-I did not stay in sweats ALL day friday & feel like a bum, b/c I was bum-like so was my child who ran around in a sweatshirt and diaper most of the day. Hey I was NOT super-duper PRODUCTIVE though!

- I did not play "rock-concert" [singing, dancing & playing w/E's toy instruments) with E to the Phineas & Ferb CD so loud that we didn't hear M get HM. We were I was caught!

-I did not have [a rare] 1hr & 30 mins to myself while getting my nails done & tanning on Sat afternoon. I secretly did not want to come home b/c the "Me Time" is so rare. I love my babygirl but this was My much needed break.

-I did not walk into mass chaos after my blessed "me time" and want to turn right around and LEAVE AND RUN FOR THE EFFING HILLS. Why can't men control 25lbs? I control it, every. single. day. I can snap my fingers and have it under control or so I like to think. ha.

-I did not have a blizzard for dinner last night while watching Army Wives. I do not still want to loose 3 (maybe4) lbs. I did not do fabulous on WW all week and crash & burn yesterday. SIGH. I. AM. WEAK.

-I did not fall out of bed this AM @ 630 when my ray of sunshine decided this was the PERFECT time to wake up from her slumber. I swore my feet were firm on the ground, I thought wrong. I do not need a bedside coffee delivery service on days like this. [3 sweeteners, a dash of (fatfree) french vanilla coffeemate & stir]

- I did not start my "HW" before my coffee was ready this AM, so while E is napping I can watch last nights Brothers & Sisters- I may or may not be addicted. Its very hard to pick between that & Army Wives. -Rest assured I HAVE coffee now-


...

I do have ALOT of "HW" aka [13] lesson plans, but its not a Unit which is why it sucks... what I will be doing the rest of my life so I shouldn't look at it as HW, but as a way of life. Excuse me while I go gag. But I do have some interesting stuff planned this week.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Cop-Out"

Im usually not into surveys but 3 yes 3 people in my reader did this "3 things" survey--

I want to send some love over to Katie @ FromIFtoWhen GoodLuck today! xoxo.

Three names I go by:
1. Kelli
2. KS/Kelli-Sue
3. Mama/Mommy


Three jobs I have had:
1. Target Cashier
2. Starbucks Barista
3. After-School/ Child Care Teacher


Three Places I have lived:
1. Jacksonville, Fl
2. Winter Park, Florida
3. Temple, PA


Three favorite drinks:
1. Sweet Tea (I haven't found good sweet tea up here)
2. Diet Soda
3. Coffee (iced or hot)


Three TV shows I watch:
1. Brothers & Sisters
2. Army Wives
3. Melrose Place 2009 (this is the actual name of the remake)


Three places I have been:
1. East & West Bahamas
2. Hawaii (MY FAV PLACE EVER)
3. Jamaica


Three places I would like to visit:
1. Bora Bora
2. Seattle
3. Australia


Three people who text me regularly:
1. M
2. Hayls
3. Mom


Three favorite old TV shows:
1. Yes Dear
2. What I like about you
3. Sabrinna the Teenaged Witch


Three favorite dishes:
1. Spicy Chez It Chicken
2. Homemade Pizza
3. M's Buffalo Chicken Sandwich


Three makeup products I cannot live without:
1. Mascara
2. Bronzer
3. Lip Stuff/ chapystick (but not the band)


Three things I'm looking forward to:
1. The end of this semester, I am so beyond stressed
2. This SUMMER (it will be EPIC... right Hayls ?)
3. To start planning my wedding w.my bestie/MOH

...

I have lots of goodies planned for next week. Thank you for understanding this week. School is coming to a close in 26 days and they are slamming us with project after project. Wednesday our Prof handed back a project/Portfolio (mine took me a FULL two weeks) and told us [entire class] to redo them b/c she was not satisfied. She said the grades were not recorded... I had a "B". Normally I would want an "A" but I am so overwhelmed right now I would take it but thats not an option she wants it redone, while we are working on our huge final project... and we have 3 other papers for her too! Plus in two weeks in a diff class I am teaching [FOR THE FIRST TIME] a grade level I don't plan on teaching when I get out of school, ek! --

Have a great weekend yall.


Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Coffee Tidbits"

A few interesting, tidbits about me. Maybe you knew them already maybe you didn't. It gave me something to do while I drank my coffee this AM. I stole this from Jessica .


Nine things you wish you could say to nine different people:
1 - You've been so strong.
2 - Find yourself. Please.
3 - I hope this is the one, I really do, you deserve it.
4 - I hope you went to the DR & I hope youre okay.
5 - You don't deserve her, She deserves better. Just walk away & don't come back
6 - I miss who you USED to be.
7 - I miss what we used to have, we never got back to that.
8 - You really bother me. Just let me be.
9 - Stay Safe. You're missed.


Eight things about yourself:
1 - I am insecure
2 - I am addicted to way too many TV shows.
3 - I have an amazing family.
4 - I want to be a surrogate, badly, against all advice.
5 - I am a junk food-aholic.
6 - I thrive on Diet Coke & Coffee.
7 - I Miss FL.
8 - I am the loneliest I have ever been in my life.


Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1 - Loosing a few lbs.
2 - What-if I would have taken a diff path in life.
3 - Getting cancer from fake baking.
4 - Maybe I should eat better.
5 - I hate missing out on family events.
6 - Did I make the right decision.
7 - Putting E in 1/2 day childcare 2 or 3 days a wk.


Six things you wish you never did:
1 - Get married- I could have just had my baby and been done with him.
2 - Had Dr. David Poole as a surgeon.
3 - Some of my "indiscretions" in college.
4 - Slacked of so much in college.
5 - Skipped the cruise in June of 07- that was a huge mistake (right, Erin ?).
6 - Let a boy ruin so many 'friendships'.

Five Things You Always Have W/You:
1- iPhone.
2- Chap Stick of sorts.
3- Mascara.
4- Wallet.
5- Something to write with.

Four Bad Habits:
1- Tanning.
2- Consuming as much Diet Soda as I do.
3- Procrastinating.
4- Jumping to conclusions or flying of the handle to quickly.

Three Favorite Memories:
1 - My summers as a child with my cousins (beads in the driveway w. Dani , Uncle Naps, etc.)
2 - Mostly any memory from 2006.
3 - The day my daughter was born.


Two things you want to do before you die...
1 - Go to at least 3 other continents [the one I am on doesn't count]
2 - Celebrate MY 50th wedding anniversary.


One Confession:
1 - I am not as strong or happy as I make myself out to be.


...


Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Wordless Wednesday"

...

Tomorrow is Thursday-- I am thinking about changing Convo w/a Toddler . I am having a hard time keeping up b/c E talks SO much. I mean seriously she has the vocabulary of a 3 1/2 yr old (according to what I am learning in 1 of my classes). I will keep you posted as to what it will be changing to.


Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Thoughts for Today"

-I am glad that Nadia Bloom was found ALIVE!

-I am cold. I am in jeans, fuzzy Crocs, long sleeves and a sweatshirt & I am still cold. Its only getting COLDER (47 and raning) not warmer out. WTH. Come on Warm weather! I am inside but I don't want to kill the electric bill for the In-Laws. Already has gone up since ive been here.

-I have been so hungry lately. IDK why.

-I love Tanning & the results. Even though I know how harmful it is. I will nvr be a "bronzed goddess" but I love the glow I have... I WANT TO SHOW IT OFF BY WEARING SKIRTS, SHORTS & DRESSES!!

-E has developed and attitude & I am not fond of it.

-I am NOT happy w.Chrlie Crist. I hope HE KILLS THE BILL . Its an insult to good FL teachers.

-I NEED to schedule E's 2 yr pictures. IDK why I am procrastinating on this. She turned 2 two weeks ago .

-I do not differentiate between boy toys/girl toys. If my daughter likes it, she can play with it. She doesn't HAVE to play with dolls and pink frilly stuff. Cars and trucks & tools are just as good. She likes dress-up and fake make-up just as much. Leave her be, shes exploring her world and what she likes.

-I am very lonely here. I have NO FRIENDS here. [I know one person & that is M's best friend, E's GodFather, Chip. I don't see him much as he has his own life. I kind of know Caleb, a friend of M & Chips, they all went to school together but he lives like 2 hrs away. We havn't seen him since Oct. Hes coming over Sat to hang and for dinner.] The girls here are not interested in "becoming/making friends" its quite special.

-I feel bad saying this, b/c its my job, next to school, but some days I feel as if I need a break. Just an hr or two. "Mama, Mommy, Mom, Ma" 100,000,000 times a day for no reason is driving me bonkers!

-Drs piss me off esp. the ones that are only worried about THEIR bottom line & THEIR take home. What happened to worrying about your patients well being? Just sayin'

-I am still pissed about the ending in "Law Abiding Citizen" -- Awesome movie till the last 15mins.

-Is 2 o'clock to early for a cocktail?

...

Ive been the defination of a scatter mommy brain as of late. Hopefully I am back on track.

I know I have the most loyal and beautiful readers around!

I love your faces!

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Sweden"

*All names, jobs, & childrens (genders & names) have been changed to protect those involved. No one deserves to be singled out. Thank God she doesn't read & isn't on any social networking sites- for now.

When a divorce, separation, break-up of a long term relationship or a rift of sorts happens in a relationship and you're friends with both of them. You met them basically at the same time, how do you pick "whos side you are on"?

I went through this a while ago, and I guess you could say I still am.

On this blog I have talked about how against cheating I am numerous time here on the blog. In no way do I condone it & don't try to cheat around me, I won't help you (ie babysit, etc). I will blow your cover so quick, but I won't stop being your friend b/c you cheated, unless you cheated on me. I have been wronged (by cheaters) so many times. I digress.

Denise's* (Denny) husband, Jared*, is in the Air Force* and has been deployed on and off for the better part of their 5 year relationship (3 yrs married, 2 dating). He was in the AF when they met, so she knew what she was getting involved with.

D&J got married, a small intimate family ceremony before his first deployment (I didn't know them then). When Jared returned home from his 1st deploy Denny quickly got pregnant... (this is when we met, she was 5mins preg when we met). He was home and in school training for a new position at work a lot while she was pregnant, but HE WAS HOME. Their son, Max* was born- happy & healthy. All was good, friends and family came to help Denny b/c Jared was working a lot and training hard until he got word that he was ready to be moved to his new dept. that meant a sooner deployment.

When he told Denny she about lost it. Max was not even 2 mons old and they hadn't even had their family pictures taken. She asked him if he even knew his own son? She told him that she had pregnant friends sleeping on the couch taking shifts with the baby & helping her keep the house clean b/c he seemed to never be home and when he was he was little or no help. It wasn't his fault he can't say no to the Air Force, but she was a tired frustrated new mother who just wanted the help of her husband. Very understandable.

She had never talked to him like that, he had no idea how she felt. He had less then 2 mons before he left for their second deployment. We all saw Jared make a complete 180. It seemed like a completely different family. He was a different man and she was the Denny we all loved. The week before D-Day we all took turns watching Max so they could have D&J time. That seemed to be appreciated.

On that day we did a "girls night in" it was great, there were a few others who hubbys/fiacees/BFs who left. A few of us were preggers, a few bought the kids and babies. Pack-N-Plays set up all over her house. And we just vegged. She seemed to be in good spirits. She never used to hold back from us. She told us about Jared's change and how things for them were looking up and how she couldn't wait for him to come home, things would be perfect. We set up a "adopt denny & max for dinner" schedule for the first month. Either we would come to her or she would come to us. Just so for the first month she wouldn't get sad/lonely.

After the 1st month Denny had only heard from Jared once. Normal I suppose. She started to drift. FFW a few months we saw less and less of her. She would cancel plans with us (1-on-1 or group). I got worried about her so I went over one night. When I knocked on her door a man answered. I was shocked. I looked at the addy to make sure I had the right house but when I saw max on the floor behind him I knew I was at the right place.

I just stood there in silence. Then Denny walked around the corner and saw me and my huge belly (this obvi was in 07). She and I talked, she told me she had only heard from Jared though email. She was done. I told her to slow down, she knew what a deployment was like! She also knew he was in a knew job. Not to give up so easily. She Cried and asked her "friend" to go. Promised me not to say anything to anyone else, and that she was done w.him (I didn't want to know his name). I said it wasn't my place to say anything and If she was really done w.that nonsense it was safe with me.

That was that. Or so I thought. I had to move, personal issues w.my pregnancy/Marriage.

Denny and I stayed in contact. Jared and I grew closer (as close as you can via internet) when he returned, b/c he really was a better man. She never told him about her short lived indiscretions. They came to see me when I had my baby. They seemed to be doing great. He was home more, but work was still as demanding as ever. I knew that he had yet another deployment quickly approaching. Hopefully last with that unit or whatever. He wanted another baby, she said not until he was home more. Max was enough by herself. She had never wanted to be a 'single parent'. Who does?

He asked me my opinion, I agreed with Denny but tried to stay neutral. That is a family matter.

Anyways... PRESENT DAY

He just returned from his last deployment, while he was deployed we were conversing, with Denny's permission, via E-mail. He said he noticed a change in her.

I talked to her and I guess she had another "friend" again. She wants to tell jared this time. She can't live a lie. She wants to get counseling for them. Knowing he will be home more coming up and she wants to fix things. She doesn't know how he will take it. She asked me to stand behind her.

I don't know how I feel.

He hasn't been home b/c he is serving his country. He can't say NO I CAN'T GO, I've been gone too much, sorry. The military isn't Corporate America where you can say no to a business trip here and there. When they say GO, YOU GO.

She knew that when she said "I DO" - They dated for 2 yrs prior. The only thing that changed was his job (which is why D's 1&2 were so close- 10.5 mons) and rank (over the years you want your husband to pick up! Means more $$!!)

I have seen him change. I know he is a genuinely good man now, i've seen it. He loves her and their son. I don't want him to feel like so many service members that their service was in vein b/c their spouse was cheating.

But on the other hand I commend her for wanting to get help and save her marriage.

I am not one to judge anyone... My friends know that.

I guess what my question is... whose side... if anyones, am I on? I know the minute she tells him (she hasn't yet! Hes been home 2 weeks) and it sinks in he will call/txt/email me).

This isn't a normal picking sides situation. Have you been in a similar situation? What did you do? Any suggestions?

Im thinking stay neutral?

...

Have a great weekend-

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli

"Tutus & Plastic Eggs"

In lieu of Convo w/a Todder...

This is the post where all you lovelies get to feel as if you were at Miss E's bday celebration-- I am going to BAMBOOZLE you with a boatload of cuteness & tutus...

...and just when you think you can't take it anymore...

...I am got to hit you with EASTER pics, FULL of PASTELS, BIG PINK BOWS, Plastic eggs, baskets, hunts & Family. & Mainly b/c, well folks that was her REAL birthday.

So sit back and imagine the most perfect sound in the world... the sound of a child LAUGHING b/c that is the only thing that the internet can not provide you in this wonderful journey...

The Reveal (a little blurry b/c she was spinning in a circle like a ballerina)


The annual Mama/Birthday Girl picture (Ignore pregnant nikki in the background b/c she would kill me if she knew this was on here)


The Daddy/Daughter Birthday Picture


Our Family picture... Shes ready to get down and GO PLAY!!!!


Alessandra & Emmy... Instant buds playing


More playing & running... That tutu did NOT hold her back


"I catch it Sanda"


How cute is this?


There was FOOD...


"Look @ Me!"


Yes we are TWINIES


Not into the "Happy Cake"


Yumm Yumm A cookie!


"Puzzle!!!" She loves her some puzzles...Like A Lot!!


Present from mommy & daddy... A trike: "My Bike!"


She got some pants on... Got chilly


E & Nana... (with her new Nemo... from nana & papa)



Had enough CUTENESS yet?!... Well we're not done yet... Moving along...

-EASTER Festivities-

Getting all set up to dye the eggies!!


HUMMM.. What is this? She is interested


This is actually pretty fun. (She LOVED dropping the eggs in the colors & mixing the colors, most of her eggs were a brownish color)


No stay in there "silly eggie"


Her Basket


Easter AM (the bags are from both sets of gparents- his parents & my mom/tom)


She didn't hesitate to DIG RIGHT IN...


EGG HUNT!!! (Loving how adorable she looks! Her bow makes her look so grown-up)


She got the concept & quickly became a PRO!


Found another!!!


Look @ her go...


Showing off her eggs w.Mommy


Our (1st) Easter Family Photo


The girl cousins- E & Jori... Boo was taking a nap.



...

WHOA buddy... Tired? I am. I took 200+ pics in 2 days, It was hard to pick just a few but I hope you enjoyed the ones I chose.

As if that wasn't busy enough, Tuesday she went for her well baby exam... 30% for weight, 95% for height (shes 36.5in- 25lbs...very TALL and skinny) and got 2 shots. SHE wailed. poor thing. Took a 3 hour nap. But all in all the Dr (who is wonderful LOVE him), said she is 100% perfect! Not to worry about her weight (she's always been a peanut) & that once our gallon of Whole milk is gone she can drink what we do, which is 1%. I said okay. :) Great Check-Up. Thats what I LOVE to hear.

Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , are we friends?

xo

Kandid Kelli