"The Teacher"

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So many of my readers are friends with me via FB and saw that a few days ago my "Relationship Status" changed. This is the first time since my engagement to M ended, that said status has changed.

I met one of the kindest and genuine men, back in Jan. when I wasn't even looking, us meeting was by chance. He is an elementary school teacher and has a lot of the same interests I do. He is a true southern boy man; Big truck (!) and all.  He possesses all (and more) of the traits I spoke of here in my "list".

Since Jan. we have been strictly friends, we spent a lot of time hanging out and getting to know each other. I had feelings for someone else when I met "The Teacher" (TT for short), and he knew that, but this person did not share the same feelings I had, relaying this message to me in black & white via email. Ouch. Oh well it was no big deal, I mean yah I was upset stunned, but I knew previously, that he had a lot of personal issues that needed to be dealt with.

TT and I continued to hang out, as friends, he would tell me how much he liked me and that he wanted to be more than friends, a couple, exclusive.

He went to church with me, dinner at my moms, to the park with E and I, came over and watched TV with me, tried, against my will to help me around the house, we did a lot of things that most would consider dating but since there were no strings attached, I felt that if I decided that I wasn't ready, no one got hurt and we could still be friends.

I had a hang-up but couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me.

One night a few weeks ago when I was in the shower (where I do my best thinking), it hit me. I was worried that he would wake-up one day and not want to be with someone who had a kid. Who had been there and done that. I wanted to  make sure his parents were "ok" with my past and my child. I am all for family and didn't want to cause problems.

I didn't want to get my heart or E's broken, again. I am a grown woman and I can deal with, as crappy as it is, heartbreak. E on the other hand is just a child and SHOULD NOT have to deal with heartbreak.

He was out-of-town, with some of his friends, when I came to my conclusion, so I called him and I told him what was up. I told him not to say anything but to think about it while he was gone and we would talk when he got home.

He got back a few days later and we discussed my feelings. I felt like even though we weren't dating, that we were in the "honeymoon" stage; That all was rainbows and unicorns. I didn't want, that when that stage passed, for him to no longer be interested in a mom, like previously mentioned.

He assured that "honeymoon" stage or not that he cared for me and he absolutely loved E (I mean she's amazing, how could anyone NOT love her?!)

After hearing his thoughts and feelings, I still wanted to think about it before I made my decision. I liked him and he is sweet and kind and genuine. He's a good man, who when he looks at me and I can see how much he cares.

But I wanted to be sure.

A few days later, after talking to my mom and gran, I decided that I needed to trust again and why not trust him and take a leap of faith. I mean we had been strictly friends for roughly 2 months and I knew what a great guy he was and the thought of him not being in my life was not an option.

So I waited for about a week before making it FB official b/c you know it's not true unless its on FB. Haha.

This is the first time since M, that I have been going to bed happy and waking up happy. I had moments here and there, after M, but those were fleeting moments. This one seems to be a continuous feeling and I like it. A lot.

I have a feeling you will be hearing about TT more in blogs to come.

On an UNRELATED note:

5 days until my girl turns 3!
3 days until her birthday party!


I am so excited to have all the people that E and I love, that love her, in one place to celebrate her life. It is going to be a beautiful day.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Amazement"

E has me in a constant state of amazement. Sometimes I have to pinch myself, this is real? She's really mine?

God is so god. I am so lucky.

As you all know E started school a little over a month ago and only goes 3 days a week, outside of school we have a workbook, for preschoolers, and flash cards that we use 6 days a week. E asks to do "homework" she loves it. I love that she loves it.

A few weeks ago she was in the tubbie and she has letters/ numbers that stick to the wall, anyways, she kept grabbing letters and saying "This is a letter" or a number and say "This is a number; but never the letter name or number.

A couple days ago she grabs a "G" and says "This is a blue G mom" I thought it was a lucky guess.

She has known for a while how to spell her name, when asked. She also knows her first middle and last name, where she lives and her birthday (and how old she'll be). But we were having trouble with recognition.

This morning, while I was checking e-mail and blogs she was sitting next to me and started punching letters on the keyboard saying their names. She has E, M, Y, O, A down pat. I am so proud.

Its just like with her colors and shapes, she knows all the colors and shapes, we are working on how to draw her shapes right now. She is left handed so I am having a hard time helping her. She struggled a bit, with colors/ shapes; but once it clicked, it clicked!

And just like that, her letters, clicked!

I am also amazed that out of no where she is wearing real panties, all day. Going potty, on her own and staying dry.

She has mastered feeling the "tickle" and gets up from nap/ bedtime to go peepee, she doesnt even like going in her pull-up. She only wears pull-ups at nap/bedtime, against her will. I told her that if she stays dry for 2 weeks straight (14 days) that she can wear panties to bed/nap.

I know identifying letters and going pee may not seem like a big deal but it is; I just took a child development class, It focused on young children (conception- age 4).

Anyways one of the charts (below), was talking about developmental milestones for 4 year olds and E could or already does all of them. She will be 3 the first week of April.

Age 4 (source)
Rides tricycle- Yes (E loves her tricycle).
Climbs stairs alternating feet- yes, for a while now.
Balances on one foot for a short period- yes this is new[er] but she does it.
Climbs playground equipment with agility- Ha! Yes. Some days I think I birthed a monkey.
Enjoys creative responses to music- Yes, Girl dances more than she walks.
Skips on one foot- They did this at school the other day and now she does it all the time.
Jumps easily in place- Yes sir. She loves to jump, especially while dancing.
Throws a ball- yes, and catches it.
Likes to chase- our cat, haha.
Walks a straight taped line on floor- I can't even do this, but she can for a few steps.
Enjoys noncompetitive games- She loves any game. She's always been "ahead", sleeping all night at 3 weeks, rolling over both ways at 3 months, sitting up on her own at 5 months, crawling at 5.5 months, pulling-up/ cruising at 8-9.5 months and started walking at 10.5 & was a full on walker at 11 months. She was also talking early on too; but now it is more apparent. I don't push her to do these things, she just does them. I don't push her to do her workbook, she loves doing and we usually do it for 45-60 minutes. She loves learning and exploring. She asks a lot of questions and I answer her in a real voice, no babytalk. I just got so lucky to have such a wonderful child. I am trying really hard to blog about more than just my kiddo, but its very hard. She is my life and I want to document her life. ... Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot. xo -Kandid Kelli

"five Question Friday"

Rules for 5QF: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then link up! And the biggest rule of all?! HAVE FUN!!

Questions for Friday, March 18th: (Special thanks to @joleneslavik,@sarahruch,@HeartHunnyBe, Pam, and Colleen for their question suggestions! If you would like to be linked in a future 5QF, come over to my community and offer up your best question suggestions! And please do...things are getting slim over there! Shouting them out on twitter is fine, too!@5crookedhalos)

1. Have you ever testified in court? For what?

I've never testified, per say, but I was sworn in, in front of a judge when I got my divorce. I will also be sworn in next week when my (& my daughter's) last name change is granted/ completed.

2. Do you still have your wedding dress?

I stupidly did a courthouse wedding, I didn't have a wedding dress. The reason for that is, he wasn't the right guy and I will get to wear a wedding dress when I walk down the isle to the right guy. 

3. Is there a special place you like to go when you're happy, sad, stressed, etc.?

I like to be outside. My back porch is pretty peaceful, a pond on one side and my beautiful backyard in front of me. I also like to curl up in my chair and just relax (reading or sudoku).

4. If you have kids, do they sleep with you? If you don't have kids...will you let your kids sleep with you when/if you have them?

I have a 2 year old (3 in 2.5 weeks) and the ONLY time I let her sleep with me is when she is not feeling well, the same went for when she was a baby, too. I think its very important for her to sleep in her bed. It builds up confidence and independence. It also gives her a place all her own. 

5. Do you watch late night TV?

I usually have the 11pm news on while I am getting ready for bed and sometimes Leno, which is right after the news comes on, but I don't typically watch late night TV. 

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Seriously, Again?"

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About a year ago I did a "letters" post [here], where I posted letters, similar to TOTs. One of said letters was to a woman who over heard me talking to another mom at the store, on the bottle isle, about how I COULDN'T breastfeed my daughter. Not that I didn't want to, I couldn't.

I was so upset about her comment that I relived the feelings I had when I had to stop BFing, I only got to do it for about a week.

Anyways, since that day last April, I have been lucky enough to not run into any "Im better than you" moms. Surprisingly.

That is until last week. I didn't write about it when it happened because I wanted to sort my feelings out about how I felt. It has been a week and I'm ready to share.

E is in pre-school MWF, from 9-2. She loves school & her teacher and friends. She has learned so much, like how to spell her name, count to 30, shapes and how to draw them and they are working on letter and number recognition. Anyways, school has been great for us her, despite the tears I cried on her first day.

On MW my mom, Nana, picks E up from school at 2, because I work until 2:30 at job1. But on F I get to pick up my girl, b/c I am off on Friday's, and we usually go do something fun, like the park or playplace at McD.

Last week E wanted to go to McD and play. She wanted to invite Nana and have icecream, so we called Nana from the car and invited her, she said she would be there shortly. So E and I went in and E started to play.

This mom, of a boy E's age with DS, and I started to talk. Our kids were playing together and I will talk to anyone. She was such a sweet lady, in her early 30's. We talked about her son and how he changed her outlook on children. We talked about how children don't realize they or their friends are different, until a grown-up points it out. I agreed and mentioned, MG, and how she is treated the same in school as everyone else.

All-in-all it was a nice convo with another mother. Her and her son Scott had to go, we said our goodbyes and that was that.

E was still playing and while waiting for my mom, I was fiddling with my iPhone. Until this mom sitting one table away said something. She said it in my direction, but I hadn't heard her or hoped I hadn't, so I looked up and said "excuse me?"

She was maybe 30, and appeared to be very well off, financially, by her attire/ purse/ jewelry.

She had said "I would never have a child like that." I was still a tad confused at her statement, hoping it wasn't going where I thought it was, and needed more clarification. "Like what?" I said. "One with problems, you know like that boy, thats why we adopted, its like picking the perfect child." she said.

I was beyond disgusted. I just looked at her, embarrassed for her and her ignorant comment and said

"I feel bad for your daughter, she is being raised by a close minded mother. People like you disgust me, I have a niece with special needs and we love her as much as we would love a child w/o special needs. God created ALL people equally. Everyone serves a purpose, decided by God, no one person is better than another. It's children with special needs that change the world. I hope one day that you learn to open your mind, so that there isn't another generation of close minded individuals like yourself."  

While I was in the middle of my tirade 2 other mothers and their children had walked in, without my noticing, and when I finished, they both said "AMEN" before said mother could say anything. She called for Chloe, her daughter, and left without another word.

I felt so empowered, I have never done something like that before. Her comment just really got to me and I felt SOMETHING needed to be said. Then after I thought about it, I was sad, mainly for her daughter and how her mother is ignorant and she's being raised to think she is entitled.

I was also a little embarrassed at how I lashed out, and so quickly. I just CAN NOT stand when people talk bad/ bully children/ people with special needs.

I talked to a family friend about this and her and her husband told me that I was in the right and not to be embarrassed. I was proud that I stood-up for my beliefs and what I felt, but I wish it would have been in a different context, b/c I feel like I bullied this mom.

I hope I changed her outlook and maybe opened her mind a tad.

**What are you thoughts? Did I do the right thing or do you feel I bullied her?

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Brain Washed"

E's Aunt Hayley babysat her 2 weeks ago. While babysitting, Hayls, being the awesome aunt that she is, taught E how to build "tents" out of blankets. 

There was a MASSIVE (like took over my whole living room big) one when I got home. Well since then E has been OBSESSED with building & playing in "tents". 

This is one she built (w.a little help from me) last week. She is so fun & creative. 

We are going to visit Hayls in a week & all E can talk about is "tents" with Aunt HaYYYYley.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Tick-Off Tuesday"

Its been a while since I did a Tick-off Tuesday (on Tues or another day of the week), check out the last one here, but today I have a few things bothering me and I wanted to get it off my chest.

Dear people,

You DON'T have to get married/ engaged, JUST b/c you found out you're knocked-up. It is 2011, not 1950. Sure being married makes things easier, for schooling/ legal reasons and being a single parent is HARD, but marriage not a requirement.

Don't get me wrong [some couples] were genuinely headed in the direction of marriage/ engagement and the knowledge of a growing fetus just hurried things along. Then there's others that just did it BECAUSE they saw some pink lines, and they think its a requirement.

This bothers me so much b/c I know yet another couple that are getting divorced, they got married b/c she was pregnant, 2 kids and 3 years later, they're getting divorced. Think twice about unprotected sex and men think twice about getting down on 1 knee b/c you knocked her up.

Annoyed,

Me

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Dear Windshield People,

We had a 3 o'clock apt. I left work early  so I would be home in time for said apt. Your worker calls me at 3:20 "I'll be there in about 20 minutes" 35 minutes later he arrives. I could have stayed an extra hour at work, had I known that you'd be late, by almost an hour. Maybe next time you should be courteous and be on time.

Giving you a bad review,
Me

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Dear Child,

Please stop fighting bed time. You're so tired and cranky. It stresses me out to the max and you need your sleep.

Stressed & Tired,
Mom

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I am ticked about a few other things, but I don't feel the need to discuss those on my very public blog.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Its a MIRACLE"

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Last night, March 9, 2011- 26days till my girl turns 3, E went to bed without her "baba" (pacifier). 


I was so happy. 


This is how it went down: 


At bed time, nana and papa had stopped by for an impromptu bedtime story, so when it was tme for Mama kisses I tuck her in and said: "Where is baba?" (we can't find it anywhere). She says to me, in a matter-of-fact way: "The baba fairy took it ma, I am big now, I not need it". JUST LIKE THAT. She grabbed squirt (her pink  used-to-be pink but now filthy elephant she has had since I was 37 wks pregnant) and snuggled up.

I almost cried; b/c shes getting so big and b/c FINALLY its gone, thank God!

It has been a LONG time coming. 

I mean she gave up her bottle at 7 months with out a problem, I thought the baba would be as easy. HAHA.

I had originally (before she turned 2) said that when she turned 2, I was gunna get rid of it. Cold Turkey. The problem with that? we lived in PA, no biggie, right? WRONG. We moved to PA at the end of Dec 2009. Coincidentally, Dec 2009 was the start of a LONG line of ear infections. She had them from Dec 2009- July 2010, when we got tubes in her ears. *Some blame the baba for ear infections

So from Dec. 2009- June 2010, when we moved back to FL, E was constantly sick. The baba, along with blankie and Squirt were her comforts. Her safety items. I was NOT about to take those things from a sick baby girl. 

It broke my heart when she was sick.

After we got tubes in July, I said once she was healed and "Okayed" by her ENT, "bye-bye Baba". Yah, until we found my house in August 2010, and E would go through yet another move, 3 in one year. Then I said, once she was adjusted to the new house, I would ditch it. Then, we were potty training, etc. Then I started job#2 and was home less and less and school was becoming increasingly more demanding. I didn't want what little time, awake, I had with my girl to be a struggle. 

There was always an excuse. After a long internal struggle, I put my foot down and left job#2, 2 weeks ago (I still work 2 days a month to remain an employee of that county's public school system). I am home more and we started to focus on it more, because instead of getting off work at 5:30 or 6. I get off from job#1 at 2:00 or 2:30. 

We had started cutting the tips off at the end of Jan and I snipped a lot more off in Feb, but I hadn't really focused on it. After she got readjusted to having mom home more, and reality setting in, that she turned 3 in 20something days. I focused on getting rid of it. 

E started school February 7th, 2011 and ONE month later, SHE made the decision to get rid of it. 

This morning on the Today show they had a segment on "How old is TOO old for a pacifier?" [You can read the accompanying story here.]. I thought it was pretty neat, since we just ditched ours. During the segment, the panel of mom bloggers, mentioned "socialization" as part of the regiment of getting rid of the "binkie", although I didn't agree with alot of what some of them said (let them do it on their own, its my saving grace, It gives me silence), I agreed with the socialization.

Before E started preschool, we tried everything. Granted, I was a little lazy about it, but tried none-the-less. After just 1 month in preschool, she doesn't "need" her baba anymore. Coincidence? Not a chance! 

We have E in the 3 year-old class, mainly because when enrolled she was 56 days from turing 3, she didn't nap at home and the 2's still nap at school and the 3s didn't, and after one day her teacher said E was too advanced for the 2s room. Even though she's not 100% PT they allowed her to be in the 3s room. 

While at school she sees her friends and they don't use a baba. I am pretty sure that she figures if they don't need one then neither do I.

Regardless of how it happened, IT HAPPENED. Lets all hope and pray tonight goes as smooth as last! ::Knock on wood::

With all this said, I will be tearing her room up tonight while she is in the tubbie in search of said baba and toss it, so she doesn't find it and digress.

Oh by the way... Did I mention we ONLY wear real panties at home. Pull-ups are for running errands, ONLY. She's not quite at the panties in public stage, yet. 

Heres to living baba and ALMOST pull-up free! 

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Five Question Friday"

Rules for Five Question Friday: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then link up!

Questions for Friday, March 4th: (Special thanks to Pam, Chrissy, Steph,Sandy, and Sharayha for their question suggestions! If YOU want to be linked in a future 5QF, c'mon over to my community and offer up your best question suggestions! [Please, please offer some...it's a little sparse over there!] Also, feel free to shout 'em out to me on Twitter: @5crookedhalos)

1. Have you ever forgotten your child in a store or at school? I did not forget her but I was late one day getting my daughter from pre-school b/c I lost track of time syncing my iPhone 4!!!!

2. Where did you go on your very first date? (Like...first first, not first with your spouse or current significant other!) The Fair, I went w.my sister & met up with my boyfriend there and split w.my sister. I was 14.

3. What's your "silly" fear? (We're not talking water and heights.) I am afraid of falling off a mountain... I live in FL. FL= NO mountains. See.. silly.

4. Confrontation: do you cause it, deal with is as it comes, or run far far away? A happy mix of deal and run. I am not a fan of confrontation. 

5. Wood floors or carpet? BOTH, I have wood in the dining room, entry way and hallway. Carpet in bedrooms and livingroom. Tile in bathrooms, kitchen and laundry room. (See my home here )

"50 questions to Free your Mind... part 1"

A friend of mine started a series called 50 questions that will free your mind. 

The thing I liked about the questions was that they are pretty thought provoking, hence they are called questions to free your mind.

Like Erin, I am going to split the questions up; 50 is a little overwhelming. 

Plus when I am in a blog rut I will have something to save me. Hah. 

The thing I like about these questions is there is no right answer...

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? --I would have to say mid-30's. I am a working single mother, in Grad school. I don't go out often, if ever. Im totally all about being there for my daughter, 100%. I enjoy some hot tea while I watch my DVR. Everything I do, I do for my girl. I have a home that I am renting-to-own, I am stable. I am ready to find "him" and settle down and have more kids. My friend made a good point today saying "You used to know of all the best bars & now you know the best parks, my how things have changed." 
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? --I think that never trying is a form of failing. I am terrified of failure but I, personally, would always wonder "what if" and that alone would drive me bonkers. That is why I do/have done some of the things i've do/ne.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? --Um. I can't really answer this one. I love my [current] job & I love school. I love that in no time I will be teaching. I love being in the classroom. I have no desire for a job or soon-to-be career change. I am happy in my life, I do things that make me happy. No reason to be unhappy, I found my nitch.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?  --NO. I used to talk a big game, but now I am all about following through. Whats the point if you don't. Granted it might not be instantly but I do follow through, in the long-run. 
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?  --War. Poverty. Disease. Etc. I mean there isn't just one thing I'd like to change. The world could be a pretty awesome place, if we could all work together and just GET ALONG.  

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli