Wednesday, March 30, 2011

"The Teacher"

So many of my readers are friends with me via FB and saw that a few days ago my "Relationship Status" changed. This is the first time since my engagement to M ended, that said status has changed.

I met one of the kindest and genuine men, back in Jan. when I wasn't even looking, us meeting was by chance. He is an elementary school teacher and has a lot of the same interests I do. He is a true southern boy man; Big truck (!) and all.  He possesses all (and more) of the traits I spoke of here in my "list".

Since Jan. we have been strictly friends, we spent a lot of time hanging out and getting to know each other. I had feelings for someone else when I met "The Teacher" (TT for short), and he knew that, but this person did not share the same feelings I had, relaying this message to me in black & white via email. Ouch. Oh well it was no big deal, I mean yah I was upset stunned, but I knew previously, that he had a lot of personal issues that needed to be dealt with.

TT and I continued to hang out, as friends, he would tell me how much he liked me and that he wanted to be more than friends, a couple, exclusive.

He went to church with me, dinner at my moms, to the park with E and I, came over and watched TV with me, tried, against my will to help me around the house, we did a lot of things that most would consider dating but since there were no strings attached, I felt that if I decided that I wasn't ready, no one got hurt and we could still be friends.

I had a hang-up but couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me.

One night a few weeks ago when I was in the shower (where I do my best thinking), it hit me. I was worried that he would wake-up one day and not want to be with someone who had a kid. Who had been there and done that. I wanted to  make sure his parents were "ok" with my past and my child. I am all for family and didn't want to cause problems.

I didn't want to get my heart or E's broken, again. I am a grown woman and I can deal with, as crappy as it is, heartbreak. E on the other hand is just a child and SHOULD NOT have to deal with heartbreak.

He was out-of-town, with some of his friends, when I came to my conclusion, so I called him and I told him what was up. I told him not to say anything but to think about it while he was gone and we would talk when he got home.

He got back a few days later and we discussed my feelings. I felt like even though we weren't dating, that we were in the "honeymoon" stage; That all was rainbows and unicorns. I didn't want, that when that stage passed, for him to no longer be interested in a mom, like previously mentioned.

He assured that "honeymoon" stage or not that he cared for me and he absolutely loved E (I mean she's amazing, how could anyone NOT love her?!)

After hearing his thoughts and feelings, I still wanted to think about it before I made my decision. I liked him and he is sweet and kind and genuine. He's a good man, who when he looks at me and I can see how much he cares.

But I wanted to be sure.

A few days later, after talking to my mom and gran, I decided that I needed to trust again and why not trust him and take a leap of faith. I mean we had been strictly friends for roughly 2 months and I knew what a great guy he was and the thought of him not being in my life was not an option.

So I waited for about a week before making it FB official b/c you know it's not true unless its on FB. Haha.

This is the first time since M, that I have been going to bed happy and waking up happy. I had moments here and there, after M, but those were fleeting moments. This one seems to be a continuous feeling and I like it. A lot.

I have a feeling you will be hearing about TT more in blogs to come.

On an UNRELATED note:

5 days until my girl turns 3!
3 days until her birthday party!

I am so excited to have all the people that E and I love, that love her, in one place to celebrate her life. It is going to be a beautiful day.


Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.


-Kandid Kelli


Candice said...

I am SO happy for you! I hope it continues to go well. Happy almost bday E!! Can't wait to hear about the party. :)

JB said...

yay for TT!
I'm happy for your girl!

Courtney said...

He's southern? With a truck? Sold.

All joking aside, I'm happy for you. Best of luck and happy birthday Em!

PS: Yesh, I have a blog now. Keeps me quite sane.