Friday, February 5, 2010

"Your Way... My Way"

Different Parenting Styles... are to be expected.

No two people parent the same way. The only problem with that is well... I'm [& E is] used to parenting alone.

M & I have only been living [& parenting] together for about a month and a half. Eek. In FL we didn't live together. He 'helped' but in the end I had final say, & even though E was younger then, she knew what was up.

We have been having little arguments tiffs about how I always step-in when M is doing something (ie: trying to calm E down when shes crying in the middle of the night, throwing toys, not eating, etc)

I know I do this, and I have been trying not to, but when I hear my child screaming bloody murder at almost midnight, for "mama". I am not going to just stay in bed. I am going to go intervene. He gets pissed & says "you're doing it again." I know he wants feel like daddy, w/o me stepping on his toes [all the time].

I have my way of doing things. I have been doing it that way for almost 2 yrs & E is used to it that way. I am very routine/schedule oriented. I had E on a routine by the time she was a month old, so its safe to say she is schedule oriented, too.

She [usually] gets up within 5mins of the same time everyday, including weekends. Takes 2 naps a day, at the same time(s) [w/in 5/10 mins]. She is in such a routine that, that is when she is tired, she doesn't fight me on it. We run our errands between her naps. Thats just how we've done things.

M thinks she should only have ONE nap a day b/c she is almost 2. We 'discuss' this the most on his early Saturdays and Sundays, when he's off.

I look at it this way: If she will still take 2, with out fighting it, then I don't see the problem with it. She is growing and she sleeps GREAT at night! So WHO IS IT HURTING? NO ONE!!! If she wasn't sleeping at night I would cut out her 3:30 nap but she sleeps great at night. As she always has.

When I worked at the daycare (back in mid-07, for 41/2 mons, before I was put on bedrest) the 2y.o room took 2 naps a day.

Im not [so] rigid that I let her naps run our lives. If we have plans w.friends or family & we miss nap time its no biggie. She will sleep in the car or go to bed early that night. But I do like to keep her on schedule as much as possible, if we are home. Its something THAT M HAS TO ADJUST TO, that's a first. So far there hasn't been much HE has had to adjust too.

He's also not used to getting up "early" (remember same time everyday, even on weekends) on Sunday's, his only day off. He's such a sweetheart & we switch off Sunday's (his idea) as to who goes & gets her up, so each of us gets to 'sleep-in' but either way you hear the monitor.

But I find myself groggily reminding him to change her diaper & brush her teeth. To that he replies "Either you go get her yourself or you leave it to me b/c I am fully capable hon"

I know I have to realize that HE IS FULLY CAPABLE & stop "doing it again", Its just so hard. He does things his way & I do things mine.

I leave E with him 2 nights a week when I am in school (I mean is parents are here too, but I know he makes her dinner, makes sure she eats it, bathes her*, puts her jams on, brushes her hair*& teeth & rocks her to bed). I don't worry [too much] while I am in class. I only send one "check-in" txt.

E loves her daddy, more times than not she will want him [over me] but she is used to it being just me her. It's gunna take longer then, a little over a month for her [& me] to get used to having two parents. So if she wants mama, he can't get mad, that I come in. But if she's not calling for me or he's doing it differently than I would I need to step back & let him do it.

When I made the decision to move I remember telling BB "Having another set of hands, eyes, HELP will be awesome. I will finally get to see what it's like to be part of a "team" She said "Uh huh if you LET HIM" Except It's been harder b/c I have been going behind him/ looking over his shoulder & I HAVE TO STOP.

Last night in bed during a Private Practice commercial he said "If E was mine, biologically, would you act the way you do?"

I didn't need to say anything, b/c we both knew the answer.

Like I wrote here , either he is dada or he isn't. This has been a lot harder for me than I thought it would be.

*He bathes her & brushes her hair afterwards, every night, thats part of their Daddy/daughter time. :)


I hope everyone has a great [WARM for those UP here in the North] weekend!!

Make sure you check back on Monday for "Not Me Monday" , It's a great way to start the week!!

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , do you?

Kandid Kelli

1 comment:

BB! said...

So... I found myself getting a little defensive over M's comments in this post. I'm not really certain as to why...

I agree that if you're going to have E call M "dada" you need to let him be dada... but... he doesn't have the same experience you do with children (hello, you have a damn clan for a family). I'm not saying that his opinion is invalid or wrong... but... well... sometimes "Mom knows best."

Honestly, you were nurtured to "look over the shoulder". Your mom did all the time and before you hiss at me, I'm NOT saying you are your mom. I'm just saying, that's what you grew up with. Its completely natural. M hasn't been with E every step of the way, you need to guide him && he needs to realize that.

Just like when I baby sat E all the time or helped out- I didn't know what the hell I was doing, how could I? I had to have help & guidance. Same concept.

:-) ily.