Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"Un-Paid Surrogate"

"Hey hon, Shes KICKING for the first time. I'm in line at the post office. I will be right over when I am done. Okay. I love you too. Bye"

That was one side of a phone convo I heard today while at the postoffice w.E. The woman behind me was if I had to guess about 20w pregnant. Give or take (and from the info in the call just kicking for the first time I assume I am right)

So I turned around and politely asked "When are you due?"

She said "Oh no sweetie... This isn't my baby... I am an unpaid surrogate for my brother and sister-in-law. I was just on the phone SIL. Their daughter just kicked for the first time. I want her to feel it."

I was over-come with emotions. I recently started reading a friend of a friends BLOG . It is her and her husbands journey to starting a family & their troubles with infertility.

The woman went on to explain that her SIL was raped repeatedly as a small child by her step father and that the abuse pretty much destroyed her womb but that her eggs were just fine. Her and her brother are very close and that she has no desire to have children of her own but wanted to do whatever she could to help her brother and SIL.

She told me that thus far everything has gone smoothly & that she is more then willing to do it again for them when and if they wanted another child.

She said that she could in no way accept any money from them. She just couldn't fathom that. She said she feels she was put on this earth to help people, esp her family. She told me how their insurance covers all her medical expenses (she was temp added to their policy) and that they are present at all her doctor appointments.

She also told me about how it wasn't just about IVF-- she had to undergo numerous therapy sessions and right after the IVF was a success she had few more therapy sessions. But before the IVF happened she had to have a physical, bloodwork and have her womb checked to make sure she was healthy enough to carry a child to term.

I never realized how much went into being a surrogate. I thanked her for being so candid with me & wished her the best of luck with the rest of her brother & SIL's pregnancy. She smiled and said she loves to talk to people who are genuinely interested and who don't judge her the minute she she says "Oh this isn't my baby"

I have always thought about surrogacy & would I be able to do it? The answer is I don't know. It all depends on who it is for & what the circumstances are.

I would love to help out a couple who are having a problem having a child, her eggs and his sperm are fine but say something is just not clicking. I would love to be that person. I can honestly say I think it would have to be someone I am close to/know.

I would love to give the gift of a child to a loving couple who genuinely wants a child.

Since reading Katie's Blog I have educated myself on infertility and my outlook on alot of things such as mothering, unfit parents & such has changed drastically! I believe you will see a change in my posts.

I hope I don't offend anyone.

Thx for sticking with me [us]... the journey REALLY has just begun!


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Anonymous said...

Out of all the blogs I've read from you this is your best yet! :) Very genuine and heartwarming.

Anonymous said...

I don't even know what to say. The tears are flowing, partially because it's a beautiful story and partially because I'm so humbled. :)

Thank you so so so much. You'll never know how much the support means to me.

And that woman--wow. She's an angel, that is for sure. My support group leader is having "triplets" via two different surrogates, and I know from her experiences that finding a surrogate with the right intentions is incredibly difficult. So to hear about people who are willing to do it for nothing . . . well, that just restores my faith in humanity.

Nicole said...

Wow...what a great person. I don't know if I could ever do that. I just hear about all the times the surrogate mother gets attached...and yada yada. Man, I hope it doesn't happen to them. I wish them well.

Great post!!!