Thursday, October 22, 2009

"Good Mommy, Bad Mommy..."

...Old mommy or young mommy.

As you all know by now, I am a single mommy. I am also young, 23, I had E when I was only 21 (I look a lot younger then I really am- That will be GRAET... when im 40!). But in my eyes AGE has NOTHING to do with what kind of mother you are as long as you have the MATURITY.

Today as E and I were on our way out of the drugstore a middle aged woman looked at us, I was talking to E & holding 1 of her hands in the other was our small bag, She enjoys carrying big-girl stuff, as she toddled along (I let E walk if its just a quick trip no need to pull out the stroller). She sighed LOUDLY & said to her friend "GIRLS shouldn't have children until they are in their late 20's- That way they are more inept and considered a woman".

E-X-C-U-S-E M-E-!

Who is she to decide when someone should have a child? Age has nothing to do with it as long as you have the MATURITY to raise a child properly.

-I have a friend, we will call her Renea, who is 20 yrs old and she has a two yr old. She is a FANTASTIC mother. She is also a single mom with a full time job and in college. She does everything for her darling little girl. She has a lot on her plate and does a terrific job dealing. She nvr pawns her child off on someone (ie: grandma) b/c she needs "me" time. Remember she is ONLY 20.

-I [also] have another mom friend, we will call her Scarlett, who is 38 with a 2yr old and a newborn. She on the other hand isn't such a good mom. She is married. But she can't handle even giving her toddler a bath at night, its too stressful with the splashing and what not. Playing isnt much fun either b/c she doesn't play with her b/c when she gets her from grandmas house she is too tired from work. Then not to mention dinner! Oh lord what to feed my toddler- (HOW ABOUT THE SAME THING YOU EAT). Her mom (grandma) does ALL that, b/c frankly she wants the best for her granddaughter. As well as clean her house and what not b/c who wants their children living in filth. Apparently this mom doesn't care b/c unless her mom cleans her house is filthy. She has a HUSBAND who is supposed to help- but hes always busy on the computer or video games. I can't make this up folks. She has a lot but she doesn't deal well. Pawns baby (soon to be babies) off on grandma ALL THE TIME for "me" time. PLEASE. Remember she is 38.

So to me age has nothing to do with what kind of mother you will be.

I don't think complete strangers should judge ME or anyone else for that matter (b/c I know I wasn't the first- nor the last- sadly) b/c you have no idea what kind of mother I am. My age has nothing to do with that.

Not all "youngins" are all about partying & drinking. When you have a child you mature and that child becomes top priority. Renea showed us thats what she did, she grew up. Scarlett is more then 15yrs Renea's senior and acts like a child most of the time.

I believe it is all in how you were raised, who you looked up too. How you were mothered as to what kind of mother you will be. You take the things you learned & you alter them for your personality and the childs.

I have met both ladies mothers, both wonderful women. They both did a great job raising their children.

Some people were meant to be mothers, some weren't. End of story. Age has nothing to do with it. (I am not condoning 14/15 yr olds going out having babies in anyway... but I am sure yall understand what I mean)

**How do yall feel about this? Do you agree with the middle-aged woman @ the drugstore? Or do you agree that age isn't a factor, as long as you have the MATURITY?**

Pic was found here



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BB said...

Age will always play a factor in parenthood. When you're young you're less likely to have a lot of life experience, this affects your parenting. Also, younger women tend to be more selfish.

That doesn't mean you're a bad parent because you're young or inexperienced- it just has its own effects.

You can be "young" at any age, KS. The 38 year old has demonstrated that perfectly.

No one is prepared for parenthood. No matter what you read or what you're taught, that is another life you have to teach, love, raise, etc etc. That is a DIFFICULT, stressful, time consuming albeit beautiful job.

Hindsight is 20/20 is it not? Clearly the woman at the drugstore is ignorant [after all, you could be 28 & she would never know!] and you shouldn't pay her any mind.

So there. :-P

Anonymous said...

Kelli - I want to first start this comment off by saying I think you are a great mother to that beautiful little girl but I also think you are EXTREMELY blessed that you actually are not living the life of a ''real'' single mom. You live with what appears to be very wealthy parents and from what I can see you do not work?? So it seems that your parents support you and E? Yes, you are a single mom in the sense that you are not married but other then that girl you got it made!

Nicole said...

I kind of agree with both sides. I don't approve of youngings having babies nor do I approve of lazy asses having babies. You said it very's all about maturity. However...some people don't have the luxuries you had/have when you had E. Normal young mothers have to struggle on foodstamps just to feed their children...and that's what older people think of when they see a "young" single mother. They think that they don't have an education or job...or little education and a measly job. That's no place for a child to be. Generally the older you are the more capable you are to support a child. There are exceptions...but generally that's the case. Have you ever thought about what would have happened to you and E if your mom/Tom weren't so privileged and everything else was the same? You are soooo very lucky!...and think how much child care costs. Do you think you could have found a FT job right after school to catch up on not working while you were in school...then having to pay for daycare, rent, food, elec, cable, diapers, etc. Geeze...just me thinking about it makes me wonder how people do it.

Feel lucky, love!!!

HoustonGurly said...

I am the mother of a 12-year-old girl that I had when I was 18... Let me tell you, it doesn't get any easier.

BUT, it gets better. I receive so many compliments on how we look so much alike and how young I look. (No one has a clue now how old I was when I had her!) Also, we get along great. I am still the mom, but I can relate to her and her friends. They talk to me about a lot of things they don't talk to older adults about.

You'll always get unsolicited advice about different things... Especially you child and motherhood. Look to the ones you love and trust and let all the other stuff fall to the wayside.

It's not worth your time or the effort... But you little girl sure is! :)

Anonymous said...

As you know, this is a sensitive subject for me. I strongly believe that age has nothing to do with whether or not you're a good parent.

A good parent is someone who loves, protects, cares for, holds, feeds, cherishes, teaches, and provides for their child. All of that takes maturity, patience, understanding, and love.

I think you're either born to be a parent or you aren't. Unfortunately, a lot of people today were just not made to be parents, but they have children anyway. Others, like myself, would die to have what they have and may never get the opportunity.

It's sad to see that people still consider age as a prerequisite for becoming a parent. Trust me, I know a lot of older women who don't care for or appreciate their children as much as some of my younger mother-friends do.

It's all a matter of personality and maturity. And for the record, you seem like a fantastic mother!