Monday, October 12, 2009

"Could be Worse"

-So a reader suggested that I write why my marriage failed. She wanted to know why. Well as most of you who have been following me for almost 2 yrs know I have written about it in bits and pieces. So I told her that I would write it up and E-mail it to her, and not bore you all with the same story, just in its entirety.

As I am writing this I realized that this is not something can write in one sitting. I am still not done with it & on some levels I feel like a failure. As I pump out the words and the story of my doomed marriage- ha, if you can even call it that, we spent more time apart/seperated then together. I am in pain. Wincing with every key stroke.

Im not in pain b/c I miss him or wish we were still together, I am in pain b.c I only regret few things in my life and ever saying yes to hanging out with him that fateful first time is one of them. I mean I ended up being hungover... classy, I know. But a HUGE sign saying don't do it. DON'T hang out with him. There were soo many RED flags it's not even funny & as I type the e-mail out for her I still can't believe that I actually lived that.

But I got ONE good thing outta my horrible time with him & that is MY beautiful daughter.

I know God has a plan for me & I know my baby girl is part of it. Apparently (and luckily) "he" is not part of that miraculous plan (as he has not been around for a yr... Thank you Jesus!)

I hope to finish her e-mail this week. It was hard to get to at all this past week & weekend as I had outta town family in & they always wanted to know what I was "working on" and I didn't want to explain that one to them. But I want to get it done so I can be done with it. I know she has heard rumors & I like to stand up for myself. I like to say my piece. Give my side of the story, except in this story... I am not trying to make anyone person look more glamours then another. Just the cold hard facts.

I do what I do b/c sometimes I feel you need to relive things that in my case are painful b/c I had a huge lapse in judgement, to remind yourself... where you've been... and to see how far you've come. In my case i've come far, but not far enough.

But "It could be worse... can always be worse"

>>Don't forget to voice your opinion--...What would you all like to see me blog about??

Don' forget I am giving away a [custom] piece of jewelry (check here for an idea) to the reader who comments the most throughout the month of Oct. I know that is a long time to run a "contest" but I hope since its custom that my readers will be more inclined to comment!!

The "contest" has started! Good luck & Happy Commenting! :)

**Limit... 2 comments per post, per person**

Thx for sticking with me [us]... the journey has just begun!


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1 comment:

Nicole said...

Good post. I'm glad you are writing it all down...painful, but will help you heal in the end.