Wednesday, February 27, 2008

"The days are winding down..."

...Till the day I am a mommy.

I am scared, but not only about the very nearing prospect of being a mother but that fact that I know I will be doing it alone.

Wether Bob is in Missouri or Kuwait doesn't matter- either way I will be alone. I know  I have a great family and wonderful friends but seriously at the end of the day, when my friends & family have gone back to their lives, when E has been crying all day b/c she is sick or whatever and school has been a bitch and i just want to lay down next to someone, just have some adult time, he wont be there, I wont get that.

I feel like things are never going to change, that Im gunna be married to someone who is always gone. I feel like i'm trying harder at this than he is. Maybe its my hormones but I'm not going to be pregnant for ever. Less than 6 weeks left! 

The thought of being alone scares the crap out of me, Im not going to lie. I just wish it didnt have to be this way. Im scared. I am tired of always wishing for perfection. Im ready for that perfection...when will it be my turn, for my happily ever after?

All I know is no matter what happens, E is my happy ending. I love her so much already and I haven't even met her.

Just the thought that I am growing this little person inside me, makes me soo happy, i can't even describe it, and so excited to have her! 

I really need to finish my thank you notes. I only have 17 left. Im going to do that and the rest of my HW tomorrow!! 

Thats all for now. I am scatter brained, as usual. More to come later.


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