"30 Days of Me- Day 24"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 24: A letter to your parents

Since my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember. I am going to go in a different direction and write one to each...

Mom,
It was just you and me for so long. Who knew that you were teaching me how to be a not only an amazing mom but how to do it with out help. You were always there, every dance recital, football & soccer game. Every school program. You worked full time. But I still had & attended slumber parties. You never showed how tired you must have been. I was a busy busy busy kid & you had a very demanding job, but you did not let that get in the way. You taught me how important family is. Then you married a wonderful man who, even though I was 17, has been like a dad to me. You two have supported every decision I have ever made, even if you didn't agree with them. You always found and still find ways to teach me life lessons, I will never be too old to learn from you & Tom. You two always made/make me feel loved, even when we were fighting. We fight, but its because we are so much alike. If I can do 1/2 as good a job raising my daughter I will be pleased. Thank you for always believing in me, thats the best gift ever. and Thank you for being wonderful loving and caring (& helpful) nana & papa! Thank you for all you have done & continue to do.
I love you.
-K

Dad,
You are quiet. You always have been, but you too were there for all my recitals and soccer games. You just never had a lot to say. I def. got moms personality. You made sure that I got my homework done & that I understood it. I always went to church on Wednesdays then came home and watched TV with you. That was OUR time, thats when we bonded. You never from what I can remember stood me up, you had me every other weekend & every wednesday and you stuck to it. You made sure I was included in family events, even if I was at moms you came and got me, b/c family is important. We always did something special on your weekends, something fun. I have very fond childhood memories from my time with you. Thank you for not being a deadbeat like so many of my friends fathers are/were. I am just sorry that as I got older, around the time I could drive, our relationship was not as close anymore. But you still never missed a game or recital. You have not always liked the decisions I have made & I know that but  you have tried to be supportive. As I get older and I mature I hope that I make few mistakes and less decisions you frown upon. I hope one day we can work on becoming closer again. Thank you for being such a wonderful "peepaw". Thank you for all you have done.
I love you.
-K

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 23"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 23: Something you crave for a lot 

Oh wow. I crave adult interaction. I crave cuddles with a good man. I crave Froyo. 

I crave pure happiness. 

Lame? Probably.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 22"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 22: What makes you different from everyone else 

Honestly, IDK. 

I have friends who are single moms, who are sahm, who work & go to school.

I am different but I don't know why... 

YOU TELL ME.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli 

"30 Days of Me- Day 21"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 21: A picture of something that makes you happy 

I love watching E play. This girl loves being outside. We spend a good portion of our day outdoors. I think thats why she sleeps so well (2-3 hr nap) and 12-13 hrs at night. She is fearless & it terrifies me but I gotta let her spread her wings!

Taking a short break after falling down and skinning her knee. We don't have any outdoor furniture, yet. Gotta get stuff in phases. So the cooler worked as her chair. 

She makes me so immensely happy. Words don't even do it justice. I can be having a bad day or be down (I have been lately) & she smiles & says "I love you mama" or "You the best mama ever" or a simple hug from her and my day is made. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. 

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 20"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future

I don't have a certain person in mind. But I know the qualities I am looking for. 

I am 24 with 1 divorce under my belt. Its embarrassing. So when/if I get married again, It is a dream of mine, I want it to be right no question about it. I will not go through another divorce & E will be older and I don't want her to expierence that, she was a newborn when I got divorced the first time.

Seeing as I have been through the "ringer" if you will I know what I do and do not want. I don't need to make a list on here as long as I know in my head & heart what qualities I am looking for. 

The most important to me is I want a Family Man.

Heres a snap shot:

Craig Campbell "Family Man"

I've been working as a temp

At the local factory

I hope they hire me on full time

I've got shoes to buy

and a mouth to feed.

I drive a buy here, pay here truck

It ain't new, but it is for me

It ain't much but it fires right up

and get me from A to B

What puts the dirt underneath my nails

What keeps the calluses on my hands

Family man

They're a world my world revolves around

My sacred piece of solid ground

The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand

They are a fire in my driving on

The drive behind my coming home

The living, breathing, reason that I am

A family man

There's dirty shirts to wash

Dishes in the sink to do

And there's how many times

Does 17 go into 52

There's bedtime prayers to pray

Sleep tights and I love you's

And then there's a pair of eyes

I get to lose myself into

What keeps me keeping the faith

What makes me believe I can

Family man

They're a world my world revolves around

My sacred piece of solid ground

The flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand

They are a fire in my driving on

The drive behind my coming home

The living, breathing, reason that I am

A family man

There's a fire in my driving on

The drive behind my coming home

The living, breathing, reason that I am

A family man

A family man

I know its just a song but he does a good job capturing what I feel is a real man. I could just be the "place" I am at right now in my life but I love this song and the meaning behind it.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 19"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 19: Nicknames you have and why you have them 

• Kelli-Sue: I got this in college b/c its a cute southern name & I am cute and southern. Kelli is my first name... sue just fits nicely.
• KS: Shorten version of above.
• KelBel: Only a FEW ppl call me this. It started in MIDDLE SCHOOL I do believe.
• Kel- Shortened version of my name.
• Mama, Ma, Mommy, Mom: E alternates between all these.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 18"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 18: Plans/dreams/goals you have 

• Well I don't have any plans, plans usually fall apart and then you end up feeling defeated. So I don't plan things anymore. Esp. my life. God has a plan for me & his plan is so much better than ANYTHING I could ever come up with.
•  I have a goal to FINISH my Masters Degree with no more interruptions [I had a small break this summer].

I dream of finding that perfect (in my eyes) man and falling in love and getting married [again]. When that happens, who knows when this will be, I plan on making him feel like the luckiest man alive. He will not only get 110% of me but he will be treated as if there are no other men alive. 

I know I will find "him". Maybe thats why I keep blogging about it to remind me to keep on keeping on. Sry If I get repetitive.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 17"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 17: Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why 

This may sound silly, but I would want to switch lives with someone who is HAPPILY married with a handful of children. I believe I was born to be a wife & mother. I've got the mother part but I am lacking the husband part. I would love to have a [full] family to cook for every night & I already love watching E playing but I would love to watch a whole handful of children, running & playing. Just being kids. I would love to have a family and a husband to take care of; while having the loving caring support of my husband, where as I am caring for E alone with no support. I would also love to have that husband to talk to after the kids go to bed. Just to relax with, maybe have a glass of wine while talking about our days. Someone to cuddle with in bed. Like I said this "person", I don't have anyone person in mind, there are plenty of happily married women out there, needs to have the type of marriage I am striving for & will one day find. 

I know I will find my "Family Man" one day when I least expect it.

So I digressed on that one but I am sure you all get the picture!

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"Alot of Thought"

After a lot of thought. I decided to go public again.

Personally, I am not in a good place. I am feeling depressed, I have been missing church & crying a lot. I am lonely.

I don't want sympathy.

But this blog used to be my place to "fall" & now its not. I hate that I had to be censored. I am not naive. I know there are people out there that read this, that I sure as hell DON'T want reading it. But frankly there is NOTHING I can do about it.

I can name 3 or 4 that read it and I wish they wouldn't. But thats the chance I took when I started blogging over 2 years ago.

I need to use my blog to push through this "blue" time in my life. The last time I felt like this was right after I had E & I had PPD.

I not used to living alone yet. I don't like how quite it gets come 8:05 & E is in bed. From then till about 11:45-12 when I go to bed its so quiet. I need to get in some kind routine.

Thanks for listening [reading] this was kind of a stream-of-consciousness post.


So here goes NOTHING. I AM PUBLIC AGAIN.


*No judgement!

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 15 & 16"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 15: Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play 

1. Tell Me I Was Dreaming- Travis Tritt
2. Shake Some Action- Cracker
3. Goodbye Earl- Dixie Chicks (yuck!)
4. Clear Blue Sky- King George
5. Falling Into You- Whiskey  Falls
6. Mirror, Mirror- Def Leopard
7. The Truth- Jason Aldean
8. Just Be Your Tear- Tim McGraw
9. Blacktop Road- The Lost Trailers
10. That's Cool- Blue County

*When I said I had [mostly] only Country on my iPod, I wasn't kidding. I like a little bit of everything but, barely. I am a country girl, stuck in the city. I was raised by country folk, Not my mom, yah right! No my gran is from SC & did a lot of raising me! Yeehaw baby.

-and-

Day 16: Another picture of yourself 

Last month I took a weekend trip (before I moved) to see Hayls, for her birthday. We had fun. We also took E to "Pump It UP!" a place that has a bunch of jump houses, similar to Monkey Joes. Anyways we went during toddler time or whatever and there were hulahoops and toys everywhere, along with thoe jump houses & slides. This is me (Kandid of course) getting my hulahoop on! [photo Credit]

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 13 & 14"

30 Days Of Me!

day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently 

The main reason I didn't do this yesterday is b/c I was having a hard time figuring out who to write to. No one has hurt me recently. I have had people hurt me in the past & I thought of writing to them and I started a few drafts. None of them sounded right, b.c frankly I have not only gotten over that hurt but I have moved past it. I think the experiences I had in college, where the "big hurt" occurred, help make me a better more understanding person. I also realize not to trust just anyone, to quickly. So I guess it hardened me a little to (so sad). 

Anyways, M & I are having a lot of problems & we have both hurt each other so it didn't seem fitting to write him a letter. I frankly don't know what is going to happen with us. We have alot of personal/ relationship work to do. 

So I guess I don't have a letter. Sorry I know its lame, but its honest & that's what blogging is about to me. Honesty, to oneself & my readers (as few as they maybe while I am private).

-and-

day 14- a picture of you and your family 

This was taken Thanksgiving 2007. This is my stepdads family. Every other year we go to VA for the holiday. I was pregnant with Emmy & it was the last time I went, b.c in 09 I didnt want to take my just over a year old kiddo to VA to be in a house w.5 other families & no quiet place to sleep. I hope to go next year though!

my dads side of the family- Taken in July of 2008, when my cousin came home on leave. As you can see theres a blurry spot... thats my exhusband. I blurred him b/c obviously hes not part of the family anymore. This is the ONLY pic we have of the WHOLE family.

This one is controversial, b/c like I said above: M & I are having problems & are on a "break" right now. 

But he made up a big part of my family for over 2 yrs. This blog is nothing but honest; I don't know what is going to happen with us, but I do love him & how much he loves my daughter. This was the last picture we had taken together, it was in June 2010.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 12"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 12: How you found out about blogger and why you have one 

I found out about blogger from my friend Erin. She used to tell me "how cool" it was. I would read hers & Tia's- Clever Girl Goes Blog (the first blog I read of a person I didn't know & b/c I was on bedrest I read all the way to her first post). I started my blog, As a way to keep everyone, friends & family updated on my little E (I was pregnant & had just moved back home b/c my "marriage had gone south). There were some issues and it got old making the same phone call 8-10 time. So I started the blog.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 11"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 11: Another picture of you and your friends 

This is the LAST pic I have of the 3 of us. Dan is living the life in HAWAII!!!

Dan, Me at about 35wks & Hayls

Ash, Mal, Me & Emmy; before Toy Story 3 (taken by Hayls)

The last pic I have of the 3 of us... 2008! DANG. Next time im in town we need to FIX this.

 Hayls, Me & Erin

At lunch for Hayls Birthday last yr. with some guys from JCJD.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 10"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 10: Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad 

I listen to country. Always. 

I used to listen to rock when I was mad but I stick to country now.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 9"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 9: Something you're proud of in the past few days 

• This house & FINALLY after 2yrs being on my own again. (I can't believe I remember how to run a household. The last time I ran one, I was married (gag) & pregnant. What a change.
• I am also working PT/3days a week (hopefully I will get another PT job soon) & getting my Masters. 

I guess you could say I am starting to get a grasp on this whole single mom thing, as M hasn't been around since June.

...

Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 8"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why

(in no particular order)

• [Start] decorating the house. I can't finish unpacking until E's bookshelf gets here (next friday) & until mine arrives in about 4ish (give or take) weeks. If you don't get that... All I have left to un pack is books. BOXES & BOXES OF BOOKS! Both mine & E's. So I want to decorate the house and start making it 'home'. I want it to be classy yet homey. I also want it to reflect E & I.
• Manage my time better. I find myself up till midnight or after, usually doing school work. I am trying to get used to working (might be picking up another PT job so I will be working 2 jobs, God willing in about a Mon), running a home [alone] & being in grad school.  I am doing it without complaints but, I need to better manage my time so I am not up so late, as E is still adjusting to the move and is having a hard time sleeping. I am always tired but yet I am not going to bed any earlier. 
• Work on being more patient with E. She is a [normal] 2 year old & really she is good. She is good more then she is not. I have just had such a short fuse lately, I need to take a step back and lengthen my fuse. I am lucky I was blessed with such a loving, sweet, good (most of the time) child.
• Get more into the word. Now that i dug my Bible out of one of my "book boxes" [see above] I want to try and read it a few times a week, I can't say daily b/c if I don't I will feel bad. If I start small with a few times a week, I know I can succeed. I have been a christian my whole life but I am at a point in my life where I want to strengthen my walk with the Lord & it takes more on my part then just going to church & praying. I need to be in the word. Maybe I will look into some personal Bible Studies?

Thats all I have for now. I can't give much more than that. I do have a very demanding child & I know that just a few goals for this month is more attainable then a bunch. I feel like I can attain [or atleast get a good start on] all of the above.

**What are some of your short term goals?

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 7"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you 

This one was fairly easy. I live and breathe for this little girl. She is my life. She has without a doubt had (and will continue to have) the BIGGEST impact on my life. I can't imagine life w/o her. I get frustrated with her, being a single mom is hard, plus you Gotta love "terrible 2's" but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I love you Chickadoodle

xo

Mama

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 6"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 6- Favorite super hero and why 

I don't have one like a comic book one. I am lame I know...

 Can I say any STAY-AT-HOME-MOM or any SINGLE-MOM?

 B/c My God this job is super-hero tough. 

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 5"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 5: A picture of somewhere you've been to

Last week my Cousin Danielle (who is like my sister) took E to Animal Kingdom (& Magic Kingdom) for her 1st time ever! we had a freaking blast. Can't wait to go again.

Just a quick FYI-- This is going to take longer than 30 days as I will not be blogging Sat/Sun. I spend my weekends with my family. I will be back Mon with day 6! See ya then!

HAVE A SAFE A HAPPY LABOR DAY! 

To all my "Yankee Doodles": Enjoy your LAST WEEKEND of summer before school starts again! I miss YOU but not the North. 

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Don't miss a beat, keep up in between posts, I Tweet , a lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 4"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 4: A habit that you wish you didn’t have 

Procrastination. This needs no explanation. I do it with everything from laundry to school work and its horrible. 

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"30 Days of Me- Day 3"

30 Days Of Me!

Day 3: A picture of you and your friends 

Me & my Bestie Hayls @ Her college graduation

E, Mal, Me, Ash & Hayls @ Hayls grad party. I love these girls.

I don't have any [recent] pictures w.my other girls (Allison & Dani- Friday though I will)

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli