I don't know exactly when it happened, but I realized I AM READY...
...to be happy; Not just sometimes but always.
...to stop over analyzing, everything.
...to leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
...to take the walls down, slowly & open up.
and I am ready...
...for March to come, my life is unfolding around me and I am stuck in this vortex. I can't get out but I see everything happening.
Come Feb. 28 I will only have one job.
I will go from working M-W 9-2 at job1 and M 215-545 T&F 215-530 W 115-530 and Th 215-600 at job2 to working M&W 9-330, T&Th 9-2 at job1.
I am excited for this change, the chance to continue making money and supporting my daughter and I, but also the opportunity to spend more time with my girl and to focus on school.
Instead of being so stressed out from the moment I leave work and walk in the door at night, trying to get dinner on the table, E in a bath and ready for bed all in the span of about 1.5 hrs. I will be able to get dinner on the table at a decent time while enjoying the time with my girl without constantly checking the clock.
I know I will MISS my kids like crazy. Not just my 4th graders but Heathers and her 3rd graders, Allison and her 2nd graders and Vickie and her1st graders and my Kindergarten "babies" (I dont like the K teacher and will NOT miss her)
The good thing is I am leaving on a positive note, I don't like burning bridges, so I WILL go visit when it fits my schedule.
I love ext day but E has been acting out, bad. I honestly believe it's b/c she doesn't see me enough and she wants attention, good or bad. I had to make the hard decision to leave the job that causes me to be home so late and away from her.
I know this decision will help make me happy, all the time.
The other things will come with time.
Things like that don't happen over night. I am starting to take the walls down, brick-by-brick. I have been really happy as of late, while I may analyze, everything, I am still smiling.
I also realized this morning, that I may be "replaceable" but NOONE is ME. I have so much love and happiness to offer too right person. I think I have found the right person to give that love and happiness too, but I am not sure he is ready... I am willing to walk slow, by his pace. Only time will tell.
Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.