Tuesday, December 8, 2009

"My Roots Run Deep"

--Disclaimer: This has to do with religion, I know some are not comfortable with religion or God. Thats fine, this is MY blog & no one is forcing you to read it, I suggest I you are uncomfortable with the topic that you do not read todays post. It's as easy as that. I will not tolerate: mean, hateful or nasty comments. Period. The End.

I originally was going to post today letting you know I was going to take a few days "off". I have been in a funk, lately. But while I was in the shower earlier, where I do a lot of good thinking, I felt myself kind of come out of my funk, if you will.

I have written posts about religion before but this is different, I have neaver been this open before, until recently; I wasn't very open about MY life. Anyone else life, yes. Mine, no.

I was born & raised @ First Baptist Church of Pine Castle [FBCPC] . I was then baptized when I was 8 years old. I attended church every (other) Sunday, as my parents were divorced since I was a baby & I only went on the weekends I was at my dads, b/c at the time my dad life with my Gran & FBCPC was "her" church. I went to sunday school & children's church & then on to evening service w. my Gran. I loved it. Since my dad got me EVERY Wednesday & everyother weekend, that meant that I was also at church EVERY Wednesday night, too. It was who I was, I loved my savor, my Lord in heaven. I continued to attend for the next 4 years, until I hit 12 years old.

I wanted to be a rebel. I decided to become a Methodist. Which is VERY similar to a baptist. I attended Conway UMC b/c that is where my bestfriend, Amy, at the time & a lot of kids from my middle school went. I think it was more of a social thing then anything. But in my head I was rebelling again my baptist upbringing.

I found out that you had to go through what they call confirmation, so I did that & had a really shoddy mentor, it was my friends mom. She had another girl as well and let me fall to the way side so I basically did it on my own. I had a lot of questions but had to do it on my own. This did not make me like the denomination very much but I pushed on. I attended for two-ish years. It wasn't for me. At least that church wasn't.

I felt lost. I didnt feel like I was connecting with God anymore. I needed to reconnect.

I couldn't hear what he was trying to tell me. I needed things to quiet down so I could hear God better.

My sophomore year of highschool I decided to give my dads church a try. He no longer attended FBCPC. He was a FOUNDING MEMBER of Fellowship of Orlando . It was non-demnominational but the pastor was raised in TX, and his father was a BAPTIST pastor. Nevertheless It was okay, a little to "hip" for me but I "followed" them all over Gods green earth. They were just starting out so they didn't have a permanent location. They were at the YMCA in Lake Nona, a movie theater, DPHS, a few other locations ETC... I realized by my SR year it wasn't my scene. I stopped going to church altogether.

I lost sight of bigger picture. I still read my bible, not enough but occasionally. I still talked to God, but I became a "holiday" church goer & when that happened I would go to FBCPC or with my mom to Northland . I dislike churches that large. NO ONE knows ANYONE. Where is the Familiarity? How can someone feel like they are welcome if no one knows their name?

I left for college in Jacksonville. I found myself "wandering" I needed to get back in church- ASAP. My roommate and GREAT friend, at the time, Kristen, was Methodist. Wonderful. I found myself attending with her as to not be alone. We had our own bible study in our dorm. It was great. I felt more connected with God & with myself. But something still felt "off". I had a few other friends ask me to go w.them to their very upbeat non-demnom. churches, but that just wasn't my scene.

Kristen and I parted ways as friendships sometimes do (another blog- maybe) and I found myself stepping WAY WAY out of my comfort zone & going to church by myself. gasp. I know. I went online and googled the BAPTIST churches in my area. I knew that is what I needed.

After a few weeks of trying out different ones I found Kernan Blvd. Baptist Church [KBBC]. I ended up spending over a year at KBBC I never became a member, though. I don't know why. It was down the street from my school and eventually across the street from my condo. It was exactly what I needed. It was a great substitute until I could get "home".

Now a few years and a bachelors degree later, I have returned to my home, FBCPC. It is bitter sweet for me. I just recently re-joined, found my way back home if you will. Yet I am moving in 21 days. I SOOO MANY memories in that church. Mainly the sanctuary. Its sad to think that LAST service I will attend in there will be Dec 27 2008.

My Gran used to be the wedding director for FBCPC & I used to run up & down the aisles w.my cousins- Amy, Dani & Bubba, with lace tied to us- idk where tomtom was. while Gran set up for the weddings. Or we would be upstairs playing hide & go seek in the dark. SOO SOO many wonderful memories.

That church, which I will always and forever refer to as 'Grans Church' has changed so much- has grown so much. Which is wonderful. I am elated for the new sanctuary but I will miss the old one.

Either way. I am glad I found my way HOME. No other church has helped me connect with the Lord like this one. Once you find a church that is HOME, you should never leave.

My roots are at FBCPC. They always will be. I am moving for Graduate school, but trust that when I am home for breaks or for a visit I will come HOME for a visit.

I am going to try to find a church that meets my needs up near me, but I always know I have this one back home to fall on. Thank you for being such a strong and loving church home. I love you all dearly.

Thx for sticking with me [us]... the journey REALLY has just begun.

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1 comment:

BB! said...

Tom and I were supposedly dedicated on the same day. Btw.