Thursday, January 27, 2011

"The Back Story & Why Im Making a List"

I have been a single mom since I was [only] 13 weeks pregnant.

When I was growing up, being raised by a wonderful single mom (yes, dad was in the picture) I would tell myself, "I will never get divorced". 

Fast Forward 17ish years and I am divorced.  Hah. 

I was in a bad relationship and pregnant. We I lost that baby around 11 weeks, (read the back story here). I say "I" because although I was in a relationship, I had only known him a very short time & had broken-up with him once. He didn't seem to care that I had lost the baby.

That alone should have been my sign. If I broke-up with you once, I did it for a reason. But I was scared of being alone and I had just lost, another, baby. 

About a month later I married him, at the courthouse, in a different county than I lived.

I now know, I married him, GD, b/c I was emotionally distraught, I had lost another baby, and no one seemed to care. I thought marrying him was the best option. 

I turned 21 shortly after we were married, and thats about the time his true colors shined through. I was supposed to go on a cruise with my family for my 21st, I was taking a friend with me. It was going to be epic, my mom had gotten the presidential suite for me, I was 21!! 

GD had threatened me, if I went he would not be there when I got home. But he had beaten me down, emotionally and mentally, enough that I stayed.

Less than a month later I learned I was pregnant, the same day, I decided I wanted an annulment. I had had enough. Since we had only "baby danced" once since my miscarriage in April, I knew that was the day I conceived.

Devastated that I could not get an annulment now, I felt stuck. FF from July to Oct. I come home from work for class, early afternoon and he was gone.

From that moment on I have been a single mom. We were divorced shortly after my daughter was born, well over 2 years ago.

He has never really been in the picture, It has taken time, but I believe we/she is better off.

I was in a new relationship with a friend turned more, M. After over 2 years with him, and an engagement, I ended things. I was not ready to marry someone who didn't trust my family and who could not make up his mind. He left me in FL in july to move back to PA. It should have never been an option.

The woman and her child whom he claimed to "Love" were in FL. FL should have been his only option, but it wasn't and with that I said no more.

PHEW! Thats a lot of info. 

What all that said, I have forgiven GD and I am over M.

I am ready to date again, cautiously.

Right around the time I made this decision, I read this by Single Mom Seeking. I loved her book and I love her blog.

I wish I would have seen her "List" in Nov 2008. I feel if I would have seen it I would not have stayed with M, for as long as I did.

I feel that its in my best interest (and my daughters) to make a "list". I have a lot to consider in this "list". Most importantly, my child.

I don't want to date someone, just to be with someone. I don't want to be in another bad relationship. I want "him", who ever he is, to have the qualities I am looking for.

I thought the "list" would be easy but, its not. I hope to have my list done and posted by Monday.

Single Mom or not, I recommend you make and then become your list. You only get out of something what you yourself put into it.


Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

-Kandid Kelli

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