"The List"

Last week I wrote a post, here, about "The List" and why I am making one. 

It took me a few days but, I have tweaked it and refined it. I am pleased with it. 

Now the hard part, not only looking for these traits in a MAN, but to become the list myself. 

I will continue to add to the list but, you get the idea: 

• You accept my daughter, not just tolerate her. We are a package deal, you see me, you will most likely see her too. I am a single mom, I don't get a babysitter often.
• You are confident in the MAN you are and can deal with my past. I can deal with yours.
• When you look at me, You look me in the eyes. 
• You get that I am emotional and thats okay. Thats who I am.
• You stick by my side, even through rough times, I can look and you're still there.
• You get along with your family and mine- or try to.
• You want to grow with me, physically and emotionally.
• We have extreme chemistry; Physically and Emotionally. 
• You are financially responsible.
• You cheer me on and are excited for my successes. I will do the same for you.
• You pick me up when I fall. I will have a band-aid for you when you fall.
• You like to cook every once in a while & enjoy when I cook and bake.
• You know how to communicate, genuinely and respectfully. You make  the effort to talk to me, about every day things. As well as the future.
• You don't feel the need to fill the silence, you are okay just sitting with me, without talking.
• You make me laugh an laugh at my lame attempts to be funny- even if you know its not funny, laugh.
• You have a great work ethic. 
• You are a good role model for my daughter. 
• You are a ONE WOMAN man. You only want to be in a committed relationship.
• You are up for trying new things with me.

I know there is so much more and as I venture out into the dating world, I am sure I will refine this list.

Is there anything, YOU think I should add? Let me know your thoughts. 

This list may be "ridiculous" but I have settled in the past. Never again. 

*You can check out Rachel Sarah's, Single Mom Seeking, list Here.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"The Back Story & Why Im Making a List"

I have been a single mom since I was [only] 13 weeks pregnant.

When I was growing up, being raised by a wonderful single mom (yes, dad was in the picture) I would tell myself, "I will never get divorced". 


Fast Forward 17ish years and I am divorced.  Hah. 


I was in a bad relationship and pregnant. We I lost that baby around 11 weeks, (read the back story here). I say "I" because although I was in a relationship, I had only known him a very short time & had broken-up with him once. He didn't seem to care that I had lost the baby.


That alone should have been my sign. If I broke-up with you once, I did it for a reason. But I was scared of being alone and I had just lost, another, baby. 

About a month later I married him, at the courthouse, in a different county than I lived.


I now know, I married him, GD, b/c I was emotionally distraught, I had lost another baby, and no one seemed to care. I thought marrying him was the best option. 


I turned 21 shortly after we were married, and thats about the time his true colors shined through. I was supposed to go on a cruise with my family for my 21st, I was taking a friend with me. It was going to be epic, my mom had gotten the presidential suite for me, I was 21!! 


GD had threatened me, if I went he would not be there when I got home. But he had beaten me down, emotionally and mentally, enough that I stayed.

Less than a month later I learned I was pregnant, the same day, I decided I wanted an annulment. I had had enough. Since we had only "baby danced" once since my miscarriage in April, I knew that was the day I conceived.

Devastated that I could not get an annulment now, I felt stuck. FF from July to Oct. I come home from work for class, early afternoon and he was gone.

From that moment on I have been a single mom. We were divorced shortly after my daughter was born, well over 2 years ago.

He has never really been in the picture, It has taken time, but I believe we/she is better off.

I was in a new relationship with a friend turned more, M. After over 2 years with him, and an engagement, I ended things. I was not ready to marry someone who didn't trust my family and who could not make up his mind. He left me in FL in july to move back to PA. It should have never been an option.

The woman and her child whom he claimed to "Love" were in FL. FL should have been his only option, but it wasn't and with that I said no more.

PHEW! Thats a lot of info. 

What all that said, I have forgiven GD and I am over M.

I am ready to date again, cautiously.

Right around the time I made this decision, I read this by Single Mom Seeking. I loved her book and I love her blog.

I wish I would have seen her "List" in Nov 2008. I feel if I would have seen it I would not have stayed with M, for as long as I did.

I feel that its in my best interest (and my daughters) to make a "list". I have a lot to consider in this "list". Most importantly, my child.

I don't want to date someone, just to be with someone. I don't want to be in another bad relationship. I want "him", who ever he is, to have the qualities I am looking for.

I thought the "list" would be easy but, its not. I hope to have my list done and posted by Monday.

Single Mom or not, I recommend you make and then become your list. You only get out of something what you yourself put into it.

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Keep up in between posts, I Tweet , A lot.

xo

-Kandid Kelli

"False Sense of Security"

I read a wonderful blog called Single Mom Seeking (yes its by the same wonderfully witty woman who wrote the book i've been raving about, Rachel Sarah). Yesterday as I was reading her blog she wrote, HERE , about how her boyfriends car got broken into & asked her readers what they do to feel safe.

Its so ironic that she wrote on this, b/c I woke up yesterday AM to a phone call from my neighbor “Isabell’s car was stolen” Isabell is her daughter. I live in a safe (or what I thought was safe) gated neighborhood. Come to find out after speaking to the cops, there was numerous break-ins 1 block away last night! No wonder there were choppers flying over head at 530a...they were looking for the "suspects" from the break-in 1 block away (the car was reported till 730a-ish).

I am a young single mother of a 17 1/2 mon old. I have never felt unsafe in my home before, now. My boyfriend lives over 1,000mi away because of his job, he has a gun. I have mentioned to him how I would like to learn more about them, maybe take a few lessons and get my license and purchase one. I have been shooting before, my ex used to be into guns and would take me to the range (pre-baby) and I've been hunting- hello my family are a bunch of rednecks! So I know how to use one but I am not sure I know how to use one for protection, I know if it came down to it I could do it, but I don't want to take that chance. He freaked out and said no way, with out even so much as a second thought. I am only 5 foot and I weigh-in at a whopping 117lbs.

I want something besides my alarm system to make me feel safe, my dog passed away in May from cancer and with potty training a toddler I am not ready to do that with a new dog, just yet. All it took was one phone call to make me feel insecure within the 4 walls of my own home, how sad. What has this world come to?


A friend of mine who’s husband is in the military so she is a single mom most of the time has a small handgun and before now I was against having a gun in the home with small children, but now all of a sudden I feel like I need to do something, take a stand to protect me and my daughter.

Now I ask my readers... to my knowledge I don't have any single moms that read my blog, but I do have MOMS... what are your thoughts on safety? what do you and yours do?


Thx for sticking with me [us]

-Kelli-Sue

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