"iWeb...Blogspot??"

I like love iWeb but i need to pay up.

So I'm blogging here till I can do that.

I have so much on my mind. I don't even know where or how to begin to let it all out.

My head is so full. I wish I could jusy flow into a stream of consciousness.

This home alone thing makes me frustrated. TOO much "thinking" "me" time. UGH.

I'm a MARRIED...SINGLE Parent. Its the SINGLE most frustratin' problem in my life right now.

Divorce sucks.

There's just too much...i'm NOT even going to go  there. Im done.

xo
-Kelli

"Roxy Said it best..."

...Im lonelier MARRIED to him then I was when I was SINGLE.

I need 'this' to be over. 

Back to HW then a NEW Army Wives....

xo
-Kelli

"Some "Me" time is MUCH MUCH over due!"

I am SICK of doing things on OTHER peoples schedules. Seriously.

"I don't know if we can" -- Blah Blah...yah whatever...you run off and do something else and forget I even asked to do something. 

Im DONE waiting for other people, for them to just blow me off.

I have feelings too.

Yes, I have a child. I can still do stuff. Its not a disease.

Shes 2 1/2 months old. Stroller or baby bjorn and Bam Im off!! Its that easy. 

From today on out...I will ask if you want to go you say no, Im not waiting. If I want to go I will go, just me & my girl.

Why does it always have to be YOUR schedule? Why can't we do it on mine? 

Okay so Im pissed off!! Like really pissed off and I tried to call 2 people (to vent), 2 people I am ALWAYS there for (esp. when they need to vent) and guess what...they aren't there for me.

THANKS for hitting the "fuck you" button. Means a whole heck of a lot. I guess over time (and distance and having a baby) you learn who your friends truly are. -- Mom was there for me...as usual. 

I am the type of person who always wants to make others smile and laugh and try to make them happy.

Well NOW its time to make ME (and E) happy. I need ME to be happy.

Im sick of trying to please everyone. I spend more of my time making others happy and NO time makes me happy. 

Well enough of this rant.

Im gunna do some of next weeks homework so I can hang out w.my cousin Bubba while hes on leave and my "adopted" cousin Courtney...separately of course...this week, while im all alone in this big ole house.

xo
-Kelli

"hah"

Another e-mail from dear ole dad:


Dear Dad,
> It is with great regret and sorrow that at I'm writing you. I had to elope
> with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and
> Mom.
>
> I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you
> would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight
> motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's
> not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
>
> Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the
> woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter
> We share a dream of having many more children.
>
> Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
> anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the
> commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll
> pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she
> sure deserves it!
>
> Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
> myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
> your grandchildren.
>
> Your son,
> Chad
>
> P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
> wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
> card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to
> come home   


xo
-Kelli

"Why..."

...Didn't I get the fairytale I deserved?!

I just don't get it...

...I thought I had found my forever...

...but as it seems forever will be ending soon...

**Admitting it is the hardest thing to do**

Good Night

xo
-Kelli