Another e-mail from dear ole dad:
> It is with great regret and sorrow that at I'm writing you. I had to elope
> with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and
> I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you
> would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight
> motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's
> not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.
> Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the
> woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter
> We share a dream of having many more children.
> Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
> anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the
> commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll
> pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she
> sure deserves it!
> Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
> myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
> your grandchildren.
> Your son,
> P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
> wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
> card that's in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to
> come home