Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"The Sad Realization"

Emmy is the ONLY good thing I gained from my SHITTY marriage.

Things I gained:

Weight (aside from my baby weight)
Stretch Marks (from being prego)
CC debit... It's almost paid off but still

I am so angry.

You should be able to leave a relationship and say "even though it ended, I gained....." I can't say that.

We fought ALOT.

He left me ALONE and PREGNANT @ 13wks, causing me to leave the place I love so much, Jacksonville, to live at home.  In turn leaving ALL my wonderful friends, whom I MISS DEARLY.  I have missed BOTH of my besties Bdays-- b/c He couldn't be a man and find a job in Jax. Yet it was a piece of cake in MO?! WTF?! and then he wants to make things better... comes back 3 wks after the birth of our beautiful daughter, and how funny is it that I found him a job in less then 2 days! I FOUND IT FOR HIM. I FILLED OUT THE APP AND SENT HIS RESUME (WHICH I MADE FOR HIM).

He spent LITTLE to NO time w.me and E.

He stopped showing me affection, what a way to kill your WIFE'S self-esteem.

He says he doesn't have the luxury  to spend all the time in the world over here w.her.  Fine at least make an effort.  She doesn't know you.  You sure as hell DON'T know her, she is AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL & VERY SMART!!

I know it's almost over but...It still makes me sad. mad. angry. disappointed. discouraged. etc.

I am soo scared that I will NEVER find anyone who will be able to accept that I have a child.  Not only do they need to accept her but my FRIENDS and FAMILY too. No exceptions.

Oh well I know "he" is out there somewhere...I hope he finds me b/c I've been looking and can't seem to find him.

NO MILITARY...EVER AGAIN. I miss the lifestyle but EVERY Military man BOY I have been with have all turned out badly. sigh. 

xo
-Kelli

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Keep your head up!

It will all work out, just not as fast as you'd like...