Friday, August 15, 2008

"Long over due..."

...So its been a while...a long while since I have updated. Since my last blog

I GRADUATED! From UNF bachelors in Public Relations.

I had surgery... yesterday actually and now I feel shitty.  I've had a ton of surgeries this one didn't hurt as bad, I'm just hella sore and nauseous...ick. 

Moving on...

I am also getting divorced.  I have gotten quite a bit of negative remarks on this.  Let me ask you something is this YOUR life? NO ITS NOT. It's my daughters and mine.  Do you have children? The ones flapping their gums don’t.  Who the hell are you to tell me I didn't try hard enough! -or- That divorce isn't the right decision.  

This isn't a decision I made lightly.  This is what will be best in the long run.  I want and deserve to be happy, as does everyone.  I was no longer happy with him. In order for my daughter to grow-up happy she needs to be raised in a happy household.  There’s a lot you don’t know about the situation.  Do you seriously think I’m gunna change my mind b/c YOU think its wrong. You think its better for the baby if her mommy and daddy are together. WRONG! If the relationship is unhealthy the child senses that and that is unhealthy for a developing mind/ personality.  You have no room to talk seeing as you don’t have children. Hell you aren’t even married.  So you honestly have NO ROOM to spit your “opinion” take it somewhere else.  

Hell I didn’t even ask you for it, you just up and offered it.  This is a very stressful situation on both my family and myself.  The LAST thing I need is flak from people who have NO IDEA.  I have confided in people I am close with or people who have been there or close to being there, People with children.  

Being a single mom is hard. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. But in retrospect I have been a single mom since I was pregnant b/c Bob wasn’t in the picture.  So you could say I’ve got this single mom thing down pact.  I have help from my mom but I will be moving out soon (couple of months) and will no longer have her help.  As some of you know, she helps but not as much as most thinks.  I really do it myself.

That leads me to people getting pregnant who honestly shouldn’t.  IT’S HARD!! Period. The end. 

I have friends who are married and have been for years and years and are dealing with infertility.  They deserve a child or even another one to expand their family. It just isn’t fair that girls who sleep around get knocked-up or they have a new b/f week-after-week.  I’m not saying that you have to be married but its highly recommended.  PEOPLE PEOPLE…Condoms. Birth Control…there are sooo many forms of it now.  

Complaining that they are too expensive is bull b/c do you realize how EXPENSIVE children are?  People can tell you but you really never know until you’re there, in those shoes.

That leads me to my BIGGEST fear.  Not finding someone b/c I have a child.  That men will see E as “baggage” and not want to deal w/someone who has an ex-husband.  Being divorced is completely different than just breaking up with someone/ having an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.  

I don’t have the same cute small body as I did before I met Bobby.  I mean I am working on getting back there I have about 25 more lbs to go but still.  I have stretch marks now, I don’t care who you are, those are NOT in any way attractive. LoL.  Anddd  I haven’t been tanning in forever so I’m the palest I have ever been.  I know this all sounds so trivial and it kind of is but its just one of the things I think/worry about.

Another thing I am worried about is finding a job. A GOOD job, Preferably one that utilizes my degree.  My 4 years of expensive education.  I will be applying to radio stations, tv stations, Disney, Universal, Sea World, Hospitals…Big corporations that aren’t struggling in the face of the economy. But I’m putting it in Gods hands and he will lead me in the right direction.  

My mom thinks I should get my Masters. She must be insane. I’m sooo glad I’m DONE with school.

Anyways I could go on and on…but I won’t Im hurting and want to lay down.


Hopefully I will write again tomorrow when im less pissed off…


1 comment:

Jessica said...

I agree with you 100%! Staying together for a child is the wrong way to continue a marriage!

I hope life gets easier for you soon. But I know you're strong and will pull through gracefully!