Saturday, November 8, 2008

Take me as I am...

I am a no nonsense kind of girl. No games. No drama- I hate it. Honesty is key. It's all about the little things in life.

You have to be able to accept my daughter; we are a package deal, friends and family. No exceptions.

Be spontaneous, and a planner all at once. I can't stand smokers or dippers- Gross! I like to have fun, always. Like to go out every now and again but I like to stay in cook dinner and cuddle while watching a movie or two.

I am easy going. I try to steer clear of drama so don't bring any my way. I DON’T start it so I don’t want to be a part of it. Life is too short for that. I go weak in the knees for a southern accent and a man who treats his momma good<
I love to shop, shoes (although I’m barefoot a lot and wear the same pair daily) and purses- boy do I LOVE purses. I look forward to football season every year; I love Gator Football as well as the Green Bay Packers (its all about Rodgers now!!). I'm an occasional beer drinker (Bud Light, Please!) who enjoys a good glass of wine (white, usually a riesling) with dinner.

I want a man who is Stable. Family Oriented. Honest. Fun. Good-Hearted. Open-Minded. Just to name a few. The perfect man doesn't exist; I’m not dumb enough to believe that, so I’m looking for a close second.

I’ve always listened to country but until recently I’ve never really listened to it. Well I’m the type who listens to the same 4 or 5 songs over and over well there’s three that really struck me last night, as kind of my life. Music is amazing that way.

Baby, don't turn out the light
I wanna see you look at me
Whisper only truth tonight
Not just promises and empty fantasies

I don't need a bed of roses
'Cause roses wither away
All I really need is honesty
From someone with a strong heart
A gentle hand
Who'll take me as I am

Baby, I need for you to know
Just exactly how I feel
Fiery passions come and go
I'd trade a million pretty words
For one touch that is real


I don't need a bed of roses
'Cause roses wither away
All I really need is honesty
From someone with a strong heart
A gentle hand
Who'll take me as I am

From someone with a strong heart
A gentle hand
Who'll take me as I am.

**Basically I want someone who is honest and will love me for ME and not some “Barbie” I should be his version of perfect…I am ME…love me or leave me…Period. The end.


There's a man in a Stetson hat, howlin' like an alley cat
Outside my window tonight
Sayin', "Baby, put on something hot, meet me in the parking lot
About a quarter to nine"

I get the feelin' that he's never read Romeo and Juliet
I'm gettin' tired of these one night stands
But if you wanna make a real romance

I'm that kind of girl, I'm that kind of girl
I ain't the woman in red, I ain't the girl next door
But if somewhere in the middle's what you're lookin' for
I'm that kind of girl, yes I'm that kind of girl

Let me tell you that I like my lovin' just as much as any woman
But I'm drawin' the line
A little sensitivity always seems to get to me every time
I'm a sucker for a love-sick fool
The kind that carries all your books in school
I'm getting tired of these one night stands
But if you're lookin' for a real romance


I'm that kind of girl, I'm that kind of girl
I ain't the woman in red, I ain't the girl next door
But if somewhere in the middle's what you're lookin' for
I'm that kind of girl, yes I'm that kind of girl

I'm that kind of girl, I'm that kind of girl
I ain't the woman in red, I ain't the girl next door
But if somewhere in the middle's what you're lookin' for
I'm that kind of girl, yes I'm that kind of girl

I'm that kind of girl, oh whoa
I'm that kind of girl, oh whoa

**This basically sums up what I am looking for. Im looking for a relationship…that has a future…Not just a “one night stand…or a few months” I have a 7 month old daughter who’s father is not around but once or twice a month (LUCKY ME!) but poor Emmy. Hes nothing more then a sperm donor (SD)… Not a good one but he gave me Ems so I can’t really hate him…Oh wait…yes I can.

she gets the kids off to school
Off to work she flies
She stops for gas
Short on cash
Cards all maxed
She cries
She digs the change out of her purse

Chorus:
She never thought she'd be
A single mom at twenty-three
She don't know if she can
But she's gonna be
Tougher than a man


Out on the steps
Baseball bat
Dad's old hat
He waits
She watches him through the screen
Half past three
He's late
The cell phone rings
And she already knows
Another Saturday, huh
And he ain't gonna show


Repeat Chorus:
She never thought she'd be
A single mom at twenty-three
She don't know if she can
But she's gonna be
Tougher than a man


She walks outside
Let's him down
Picks him right back up
She grabs his glove
And says, "Batter up"

Repeat Chorus:
She never thought she'd be
A single mom at twenty-three
She don't know if she can
But she's gonna be
Tougher than a man
(Tougher than a man)
Tougher than a man
(Tougher than a man)


**I am TOUGH… I am MOMMY & DADDY. I am 22 (not 23…close enough!) and feel as if I am old and dried up- I have friends… hundreds of miles away. The few I have in my home town are MARRIED (can you call what I was, Married? I say No, the Law says YES…what a shame and disappointment that/He was) or babies just starting college- they might have SOME life experience but its not near enough to grasp this situation. Anyhow I need and crave stability… not just for me but for Emmy. She needs someone whose gunna be there… not say they will and aren’t/ don’t show. Shes too young right now to be disappointed, now but shes growing and getting bigger by what seems to be the second and be fore I know its shes going to be 3 or 4 and know fully whats going on and what a huge disappointment her father is, so If I have that a stable relationship w/someone who is there, always, not just occasionally, maybe she will feel as if she has that fatherly figure, seeing as I can’t change her DNA. Its not just about DNA. I know that better then anyone. My step-dad has been more of a “father” then my real dad. Funny how that’s works… Robert stayed w.my dad and is no better… Hum. Anyways STABILITY.**

On a completely different note… I’m falling… Hard. He’s an amazing man. There are a few things that are keeping me from completely letting myself fall…Our relationship has an “expiration date” meaning hes down here for school and once hes done here hes moving BACK to PA to go to yet another school then he has to sign w.a dealership. Which will more then likely NOT be in FL. .:Sigh:. There’s also the he doesn’t “do” family thing…. That’s a HUGE issue for me. I am so family-oriented. I actually like doing stuff w.my family… and he doesn’t even do shit w.his family. His best friends family is the “only” family he does shit with. NOT GOOD YALL. I want to raise Emmy around family. I grew up w.my cousins like they were siblings and that is how I see them; As my brothers and sisters- not my cousins. He doesn’t care of my mom/tom like him, I DO!! They HATED Bob and I will NOT go down that road again. So that’s a big RED FLAG. He is kind of lazy too, would rather lay in bed then come hangout/see me << That one hurts sometimes. It makes me think “Am I not important enough?” I just don’t know what to do anymore. Someone told me to keep it “light & fun” IDK if I can do that. Hes not a Big planner either… You might be thinking this is a no brainer… except its not. He’s so loving, kindhearted. He does the SWEETEST things for me. He looks at me like NO ONE ever has and he makes me feel like the ONLY women alive. Hes a FANTASTIC cook, hes a jack of many trades he can fix/build ANYTHING. Hes like a little ball of perfection… except all the aforementioned things and sadly they are big things. He loves Emmy and she him (most of the time) she goes to him better then she goes to her SD so…im just stuck between a rock and a hard place. At least I am able to see these things, in the past I usually overlooked things like that and figured “they will change…they can’t be permanent qualities” Now I know PEOPLE…ESP MEN DON’T CHANGE… EVER! I know I will make a decision, and I hope it’s the right one. I’ve let good guys go in the past, for reasons neither him nor I can remember (Sorry baby!!) I just don’t want to do that again. So stick w.me through this rollercoaster I call life and we shall see the GOOD and BAD decisions I make…

Man maybe if I blogged more I wouldn’t have insanely long blogs…not to mention this blog is sooo scattered… I have been very scatterbrained lately!! Im sure I will have more to say later today or tomorrow. I will either ADD to this blog or start a new one…

Till next time-


1 comment:

Jessica said...

Thanks for the motivation!

Good luck with the new boyfriend!