Sometimes I wish I had someone to share Emmerie's moments and milestones with. It makes me sad to know that I have nobody to share it with. The other day she almost took her FIRST STEP and I just started to cry. Here She is so excited about this and to see her smile like that is awesome. But, there is nobody to share that moment with.
I feel like a failure. I have failed Emmerie. I have been so selfish and that is why I have failed her. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I put the fact that I thought I needed to be treated better in front of her well-being. Maybe if I would have just sucked it up maybe Emmy would have a daddy, Not just a sperm donor.
I should have have let everything go, who cares if I am not being treated right?!?!? Just as long as my baby gets the best of the best. It hurts me more than anything to know that I runied the fact that my daughter has a father and not a daddy. I did this to her.
I tried all that I could, I did everything that I thought was right, I just thought that I needed something more or needed to be treated better and that is what messed me up. What hurts the most is that I as her mommy should have thought of this before, though of the ramifications of a little girl not having a daddy. I see how she is with Matt, she LOVES him. and I know thats how she would be if she had a daddy, she would be such a daddies girl. it hurts more than words could describe...that I did this to her, I have failed her in the most important way.
This is going to cause some serious issues later on in life...b/c of me!