How can two completely different events be so similar? I ask myself this question quite often actually. Today was one of those times.
The last time I was watching a PA man walk away from me to board a plane, it was nearly three years ago. I was watching,"N" leave for a Recon mission with the United States Marine Corps. I had NO idea where he was going, if he was going to be safe, when I was going to hear from him again, when I would be able to touch him, kiss him, hug him, just feel him again. He didn't know any of this either. That was the life of a Recon Marine g/f and as wonderful and rewarding as it was...it SUCKED 95% of the time b/c I NEVER knew ANYTHING b/c I couldn't know anything...b/c he was Recon, Special Ops...w/e you want to call it. I still watched him walk away from me to board a plane. That late afternoon after he kissed me and held me tight I thought to myself as he walked away w/his rucksack on as i had done way too many times (we said NO looking back! b/c he WAS coming home!) I love that man from PA... I really really do! I would love to marry him some day... if he ever stops playing Recon Marine (yes, yes I know I am the reason he is still in the corps..please people! stop w.the peanut gallery comments!)
Today was so different! I wasn't on aMarine base. I didn't have mascara running down my cheeks... I wasn't in a Recon sweatshirt... I wasn't insensately snapping pictures. Today was very rushed yes, but that was b/c this PA man got out of school at 1215 and still had to pack, shower, take out the trash, chain-smoke-half-a-pack-of -marlboro-menthols & get dressed and get to the airport by 300. phew! Thats with me doing the dishes and feeding Emmy and putting cute little notes all throughout his suitcase while he was in the shower so he has NO idea :), yah im that sweet. But once we're to the airport we get to the point where we're gunna say our good-byes and he does the baby first (soo sweet) then me and its a quick kiss (its OLNY 9 days people) and an I love you baby and a hug. No need for look backs or lingering, like with "N". This time it wasnt a dangerous, deployment to unknown lands overseas. It was to Reading, PA. and I have an infant who wont allow for lingering but I didnt need all the "drama" of his destination. After his hug I had the same thoughts I love that man from PA... I really really do! I would love to marry him some day. and BOOM that is where it STOPPED. I had those thoughts w/out the contingencies I had with "N". I love Cole. For the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.
Before we got onto the elevator Emmy started screaming looking for Matt, "dada!!!" I had to explain that "daddy had just left and what not" I was that "newly single mommy" that I sympathized for nearly three years ago. I got an eerie sense of deja vu. Oh how the roles had changed. except i wasn't watching my husband go off to war (he's played that card already), he's not my husband at all but mearly my b/f and I was just dropping him off at the airport to go home for the holidays, which in itself, turned out to be a battle (thats another blog entry, in itself!). But the feelings were just as real. If not more real. b/c I know now more what love is as ive grown-up and experienced what I thought love is and failed. Once you fail at love you vow to never fail again. Thats the mission I am on.
I follow, actually I stalk, a great blog by my Bestie and there is a great one on Love . It really sums up how I am sure 99% of american couples feel. No I will not tell you what it says! Go follow her blog! It is AMAZING!!! That is how I feel about Cole I am so in Love with this Man It hard to put into words my feelings for him.
Anyways. This was my first attempt at a "real" blog. Hopefully over time they will improve.
Good Night Internets!