Family

Is a big part of my life. Always will be.

End of story.

Till next time-

NOT a good day

I want to be w.someone who wants to see me as much and as often as I want to see them.

Incase you forgot... Im way cooler then sleep or being lazy. No argument about how you enjoy that, you should enjoy spending time with me, more than 1-2 days a week. There's 7 days in a week, again in case you forgot.

Yah its a longish drive but I make it A LOT w.NO complaning...

I come see you MORE then you come to me... when did that happen? AND I have a baby... Souldnt you come to me? yah I think so.

NO ONE has said NO to me as much as you and NO ONE has canceled on me as much as you. NO ONE.

Yet I still feel as if I'm ALWAYS begging you- it shouldnt be that way.

Dont get me wrong you're a great guy..when we're together.

You treat me and Emmy great. and Im in love with you.

I think I expect too much.

We're not married, you dont have to be here all the time.

You grad in 104 days then you leave for PA... Then what?

Till next time-

umm.. Yah

This time last year I was PREGNANT and packing for my Thanksgiving trip to VA to see Toms family... I can't believe HOW much my life has changed in just 1 yr!! In less then a week it will be...



I want to just say a quick THANK YOU to ALL of my wonderful friends who helped me through this last ROUGH year... Erin, Hayls, BB, Brian and last but NOT least MATTY... ILY guys so much thank you for EVERYTHING.

I am so...


So Im gunna say (5 days EARLY)

Failure I am

Sometimes I wish I had someone to share Emmerie's moments and milestones with. It makes me sad to know that I have nobody to share it with. The other day she almost took her FIRST STEP and I just started to cry. Here She is so excited about this and to see her smile like that is awesome. But, there is nobody to share that moment with.

I feel like a failure. I have failed Emmerie. I have been so selfish and that is why I have failed her. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I put the fact that I thought I needed to be treated better in front of her well-being. Maybe if I would have just sucked it up maybe Emmy would have a daddy, Not just a sperm donor.

I should have have let everything go, who cares if I am not being treated right?!?!? Just as long as my baby gets the best of the best. It hurts me more than anything to know that I runied the fact that my daughter has a father and not a daddy. I did this to her.

I tried all that I could, I did everything that I thought was right, I just thought that I needed something more or needed to be treated better and that is what messed me up. What hurts the most is that I as her mommy should have thought of this before, though of the ramifications of a little girl not having a daddy. I see how she is with Matt, she LOVES him. and I know thats how she would be if she had a daddy, she would be such a daddies girl. it hurts more than words could describe...that I did this to her, I have failed her in the most important way.

This is going to cause some serious issues later on in life...b/c of me!